


la vie en rose

by jisungtheworld (winwinnie)



Series: almost home (foster family au) [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Autistic Character, Blind Character, Family Fluff, Gen, Kid Fic, Kid! Jisung, and all the kids are the best boys, bang chan best dad confirmed, but everyone gets their fair share of angst, felix is going through it at the start :(, happy ending!, jisung is blind, kid! changbin, kid! felix, kid! hyunjin, kid! jeongin, kid! minho, kid! seungmin, seriously this is so sweet, seungmin is autistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 82,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23637346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winwinnie/pseuds/jisungtheworld
Summary: When he closes his eyes, he can see Changbin stepping into their house for the first time. He can see Hyunjin's grin when they told him they were fostering him. He can see Jeongin's mother, young and so desperate for her child to have a home. He can see Jisung and Seungmin, bright hearts overshadowed by labels they could do nothing about. He can see Minho, as the baby that started it all.He's felt this six times before.At this point, what difference does fostering a seventh kid really make?--alternatively: bang chan and his ever-growing family learn that love isn't what you're given, but what you make of it.(EDITED 14/9/20)
Series: almost home (foster family au) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695763
Comments: 662
Kudos: 887





	1. Chapter One

Minho hurtles around the corner at the speed of light. It's almost as if he _knows_ Chan has just cleaned the tiles, giving his socks the same effect as if he were wearing roller-skates. In one step, he manages to practically fly across the room, narrowly missing a collision with the kitchen table. He eventually comes to a stop about a metre away from the wall.

"Minho-"

By the wide-eyed expression of amazement on his face, maybe he didn't know that Chan had just cleaned the floor. Either that, or he just didn't know it would cause him to go flying. Not that it matters now. Once one child has discovered something, it won't take long for the rest of them to come trampling through.

Chan makes eye contact with Minho.

For a split second, he can see exactly what's going through his mind. He's weighing up how much trouble he'll be in (not much, Chan is tragically lenient when it comes to punishment) versus the chaos he could cause (lots, especially since all the kids are supposed to be in bed by now).

But that split second of hesitation is Minho's downfall. 

"Oh no you don't," Chan manages to say as he lunges out towards him, grabbing Minho's skinny arm right before he can take off across the tiles again. Minho shrieks, an effect that loses most of its power due to the fact he can't stop giggling, and struggles to no avail. "What are you doing out of bed, young man?"

"Nothing!" 

"Hmmm. Something tells me not to believe you." Chan manages to wrestle Minho into sitting down. He's stopped tickling him now, since it's not a great idea to get him so worked up when he's meant to be going to sleep, but doesn't unwrap his arms from around his chest. "Maybe it's the fact that your nose won't stop growing."

Minho swats his hands away when he tries to pinch his nose, the last few giggles sounding more hiccups at they catch in his throat. "Don't be _silly,_ Daddy,I'm not Pinocchio." 

"Then what are you doing out of bed so late, hmm?"

He picks Minho up with both hands, but quickly puts him down again. He's getting heavy. Chan can remember when he was just a little baby like it was yesterday, and now he's getting too heavy to be picked up. Time has just flown. It seems unreal that Minho is seven already. It had seemed like he'd be tiny forever, but now he's just getting so... _big_.

The silence he gets in return is all that he needs as an answer.

"How about you tell me as we head up the stairs," he suggests. It's not really a suggestion, as per se, as he's going to be forced to go to bed at some point no matter what happens, but Minho doesn't know that. He frowns, as if thinking it over, and then nods.

Cleaning the rest of the kitchen can wait. Chan's more surprised that it took over half an hour before someone interrupted him. 

By the time they reach the stairs, he's worked out what must have happened. Minho drags him with surprising force, using his other arm as an anchor to scramble upwards as quickly as possible. Seungmin's voice is just audible from the bottom of the stairs, becoming more and more distinct as they make their way upwards.

He's reading a book about dinosaurs.

They always read to the kids before bed, it's a habit since Minho was a child that they never grew out of. There's a whole case full of stories in Jeongin's room, and each one is equally as loved and worn as the next. Every page practically has a tear or a stain, but no one has the heart to throw any of them out. 

The ones about dinosaurs, however, are just slightly more special than the rest.

They have their own special shelf in Seungmin's room, right next to the rest of his dinosaur themed memorabilia. He's got dinosaurs on the wallpaper, his duvet and pillow case, on his lightshade and curtains. The floor is covered with plastic toy dinosaurs, each lined up in neat order. 

The special shelf works out quite well, since Jeongin often goes to bed slightly earlier than the rest of the kids. It means they don't have to open his door to return the book, whilst keeping Seungmin's dinosaur-fuelled obsession happy.

He's more than happy to read to the other kids, just as long as it's about his obsession. He's surprisingly adept at reading for his age, even if his voice can be a little monotone sometimes. Besides, Chan can't complain. He usually reads them another story afterwards, and Seungmin's help means he has more time to clean up around the house. 

"I don't want to hear about the dinosaurs again," Minho says. He's reached the top of the stairs now, clamouring over the stairgate with surprising agility. They only have it there for the younger kids, more specifically Jisung and Jeongin. Minho knows exactly how to open it properly, he just chooses not to. Chan doesn't chide him for climbing over it, though. Now is not the right time.

"Again?" Chan says, trying to get him to expand. 

They're standing in the hallway now, just far enough that they can talk without disturbing story time, but can still make out everyone inside the room. Seungmin is tucked up under the covers, little hands grabbing onto the book he's reading out loud. Jisung and Hyunjin are squished together at the other end. They'd bought bean bags specifically so that they didn't all have to fit in the bed together, but it looks like Changbin is the only one using them tonight. 

"We listen to the dinosaurs every night," Minho says, crossing his arms. He's staring into the bedroom just like Chan, but he's frowning. "I know Seungmin likes them, but I want to read something else! Why do we always have to read what Seungmin wants?"

Ah.

Maybe Chan should have expected this.

Hyunjin, Jisung and Jeongin are still young. Bedtime stories is more about the experience than the book itself. Changbin, although being a bit older, has only been living at their house since the summer. He's still more withdrawn that Chan knows his real personality is, and it's likely that he hasn't actually heard any of the stories repeated yet. They do have an awful lot. 

But Minho is seven. They can't expect him to sit still for the same stories as the others, not when he can read more challenging books by himself. They can't expect him to want to listen to the same dinosaurs walking through the same fields every night. 

Story time might need to have some changes.

"Tell you what," Chan says, holding out his hand for Minho to take, "How about I start reading you stories from tomorrow? You can still listen to the dinosaurs if you want to, but you and Changbin are big boys now. There are a lot of books out there that I could read you, after I've read to everyone else."

Minho frowns. He takes Chan's hand, which is a good sign, but he still seems deep in thought. "You don't do all the voices properly," he says eventually. 

That's the problem? Chan doesn't know whether he should be offended or not. "I can try harder?" He offers, still not sure whether Minho meant to insult him, "You'd get to choose the books, if that makes up for it?"

And-

"Really?" says Minho, looking right up at Chan and beaming. It showcases the gaps where he's missing some of his teeth even more than usual. "You mean it?"

"Of course."

They've gained the attention of the other kids now. Chan waves a hand and mouths _'a few more minutes',_ telling them that he'll be back soon. He tugs on Minho's hand, guiding him towards the room and away from where they could possibly disturb Jeongin. It's hard enough to put him to sleep the first time, let alone when he's just been woken up. 

Chan smiles at Seungmin apologetically. They must have interrupted the story session, he thinks, but Seungmin shakes his head. "I finished," he says, in a way that's completely unsubtle and completely Seungmin. 

"Daddy!" Hyunjin says, bouncing up and down on top of the bedcovers. There's so much energy in his movement that Chan is surprised he hasn't toppled off the edge of the bed yet. He soon spots a large dinosaur toy in his lap, keeping him weighed down, and that solves that question. "Did you see how froggy it is?"

Chan frowns. How... _froggy_? There's something not quite right there, since he's pretty sure that when he looks outside, he _won't_ see hundreds of frogs bouncing around. 

A quick glance outside confirms it. "You mean foggy."

Chan lets go of Minho's hand, letting the boy throw himself onto the pile of bean bags, and crosses the room. Now that he's closer, it's even easier to see the bad weather. Sure enough, he can barely see two metres outside the house. There's a thin slither of illumination from the streetlight right outside Seungmin's room, but even that's distorted and faded. He can't make out any individual shapes past the thick grey blanket.

"Can we go out and run into each other?" says Hyunjin, as if they're not all tucked up and ready for bed. "Please?"

" _You_ can go and run around outside," Changbin sniffs. He clutches Gyu to his chest, tiny body almost swallowed up by his bean bag. "I think it will be very cold and soggy."

"Are there really any frogs?" Jisung asks. He's staring right at the window, probably using Chan's voice as a guide of which curtains have been opened. "I wanna visit the frogs. I don't mind getting cold and soggy for frogs."

Chan tries to stifle a laugh, rather unsuccessfully. There's no use arguing this late at night. The kids have an almost other-worldly sense for ganging up on him about the most pointless things. Especially when Seungmin is beginning to get fidgety. The best course of action is just to make conditional promises and hope they've forgotten about it by tomorrow. "There aren't any frogs, Sung. We can go out and run around if the fog is still there tomorrow morning. It's a bit too late for it now."

Hyunjin pouts. He knows that he'd have a much better chance of winning them over if Minho was on his side, but the older boy doesn't seem fussed either way. "Fine," he says, climbing off of the bed. 

Chan smiles over at them. He presses a kiss to Seungmin's forehead, before heading back to the doorway. Hyunjin takes one of his hands, knowing what comes next, and pulls Jisung to his feet behind him. 

Except, that's not how it's happening tonight.

"Sorry boys," Chan says, "I'm tucking in Minho and Changbin first tonight. Can I trust you to wait in the corridor outside for me?"

Hyunjin's face has fallen, but the fact he's been asked to do something quickly makes up for it. "In the bedroom?" He suggests.

Chan nods. "Sure." Hyunjin and Jisung don't wait for a second longer, making their way back down the corridor with the babble of anticipation. A change in routine - no matter how small - always sets off their imaginations.

There's a reason why he wanted to tuck Minho and Changbin in first. He can explain his idea of reading to them separately as he takes them downstairs. Only Changbin actually sleeps down there, in the converted study for a lack of any actual spare bedrooms, but Minho insists on coming down with him anyway. He likes to make sure that his cat plushies - Soonie, Doongie and Dori - say goodnight to Gyu. Changbin doesn't seem too fussed either way, but when Minho was sick, he'd made sure to do the same for every single night Minho couldn't.

It's perfect timing, really.

He closes the curtains behind him, and pays no more attention to the fog.

\---

Chan wakes up to his phone ringing.

It takes him a moment to place the song - Minho, the little rascal, had somehow worked out how to change ringtones about a month ago, and the house had been thrown into chaos ever since. Instead of Chan's familiar anime opening, he'd suddenly be assaulted with whatever was at the top of the charts. The phone would always be left in a strange place as well, not making it any easier to locate.

Minho changed the song practically every three days. It's almost as if he knew that was just long enough for Chan to start remembering which song went with which device, only for it to be changed all over again. And if that was bad enough, thing's hadn't gotten any better when Hyunjin had gotten involved.

He'd decided it would be funny to set their ringtones to 'Baby Shark'.

It had just been annoying, at first. Chan couldn't work out why they'd set it, since he could never work out whether the pop music was coming from his phone or the radio, and he'd thought they had enough amusement watching Chan sprint into the kitchen to take a call for work only to find that Minho'd turned on the radio.

Except-

The kids loved Baby Shark. To the point where if Chan let the phone ring for more than _five seconds_ , there'd be a household revolution until the entire song was played.

And so, when Chan hears his phone ringing, bleary eyed and squinting into the darkness of the room, he doesn't even check the screen to see who's calling. The clock on the wall says it's 5AM in letters that are all too bright. 5AM is _definitely_ too early for a Baby Shark dance party.

"Hello?"

Gosh, it's really too early for phone calls. He could have sworn he'd put his phone on silent to avoid this exact situation. With one hand, he unsuccessfully tries to wipe some of the sleep from his eyes.

Hopefully, this is just a wrong number. The bed is still warm around his lower body, and he's pretty sure that if he can put the phone down soon enough, he'll fall back asleep almost immediately. What kind of person is even phoning people at 5AM in the first place? The sooner he can tell them to 'go away', the better.

"Am I speaking to Bang Chan?"

Okay, maybe not a wrong number then. "That's me. Sorry, can I ask who this is?"

There's a pause. Definitely someone who knows him, as they must have assumed he'd seen the contact before he picked up. He doesn't recognise the voice, though. Or maybe he does, and it's just too early in the morning. It could be any of the kid's voices talking to him for all he knows, and he'd still probably ask who it was.

"This is Yellow Wood Foster Agency."

And suddenly Chan is fully awake. He swings himself out of bed, rubbing his eyes slightly more successfully this time. There's some snuffling from the wall behind him, in the section where the plaster is painfully thin and his room borders onto another. Careful not to wake anyone, Chan makes his way across the room. He opens the bedroom door as quietly as he can, stumbling down the hall with sleep-clumsy legs, until he finally reaches one of the upstairs bathrooms.

"Yes? What is it?" Has the bathroom lock always been this difficult to close? The lights seem too bright, burning into his eyelids as he finally fumbles the door shut. "Is there a problem with one of the kids' paperwork? What's wrong?"

"Oh, no. Nothing of the sort. This is an entirely different matter."

Chan barely has enough time to breathe a sigh of relief. Nothing to do with them. That's great. That's - his heartrate is already beginning to go down, the adrenaline beginning to fade from his veins. The light of the bathroom is beginning to give him a headache, but he doesn't care. It's nothing to do with his kids. 

"I know this request may come as very... unorthodox, but there's been a situation. Do you have a spare room to possibly care for another child?"

Out of all the things Chan was expecting, that was not one of them. 

They don't have room for another child. It's already cramped in the house with seven of them, there's no way they have room for someone else. Jeongin and Minho's rooms are too small to share. Jisung and Hyunjin are already roommates. There's no telling how Seungmin would react to having someone else in his room, especially when routine is already so important to him. Changbin is still sleeping in the half-converted study, for goodness sake. 

He rubs his eyes again, still not convinced this isn't a dream. "What? No - not really."

But... He sits down on the edge of the bathtub. The world is still blurry, the lights are still too bright. It's too early in the morning to think straight, and maybe that's why his walls are crumbling down this easily. 

He's always been told that his heart is too big. It's why he'd never turned down fostering any of his kids, no matter the issues that came with them. It's why he's adopted so many of them. Chan knows that if someone more rational had picked up the phone, they would have declined the offer swiftly and professionally. That poor kid would be found a home just as easily somewhere else.

But Chan isn't rational.

"What's the situation?"

The person on the other end of the line sighs. They've probably had a long night, only due to get even longer if Chan turns down the offer. "There was a car crash late last night in the district near here. Cause still hasn't been confirmed, but it's more than likely that the fog obscured the road, causing the car to miss a turning and drive off the edge of a cliff. Out of all five people in the car, only one passenger survived."

It makes his heart do somersaults.

It always will. This kid - it's bound to be a kid if they're calling Chan probably around the age of six - is so _young_. They've already lost everything. No matter how many stories Chan hears, it never hurts any less.

They're so young.

So, so young.

And yet everything has been ripped away so easily. Just by some freak fog that no one could have predicted, this kid's life has changed irreversibly.

"How old?"

"A five-year-old boy. He's currently in hospital, but appears to have taken no major damage from the impact other than a cut to his forehead. He's due to be released by the end of today, but we're struggling to find somewhere with the right circumstances that'll take him in under such short notice."

Chan's hand has flown up to his mouth. The lights are beginning to dim now, his eyes finally adjusting. He wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, even if they hadn't. His mind is full of sadness for a child he doesn't even know. 

"That's horrible. I hope you find somewhere suitable." As soon as the words leave his mouth, the meaning behind the sentence finally catches up with him. "What do you mean 'right circumstances'?"

"The family was on holiday from Australia. We're unsure how much Korean the boy speaks, but it doesn't seem to be much. We'd prefer him to be placed with a family, as it'll only be until we can contact his relatives, but it's proving difficult to find anywhere that speaks English. You were one of the last contacts on the list."

And just like that, Chan's heart crumbles.

His own tongue aches with the pain of being all alone in a country he didn't understand the language of. Heavy with the accent of Australia, still missing the beaches and skies and grass in a way that no one could ever understand. 

He can hear the squeal of tires, the boy's car tumbling down the cliff. He must have been so scared. Even now, in hospital, it would be so terrifying to be surrounded by people, unable to understand anything except the fact that he was now alone.

When he closes his eyes, he can see Changbin stepping into their house for the first time. He can see Hyunjin's grin when they told him they were fostering him. He can see Jeongin's mother, young and so desperate for her child to have a home. He can see Jisung and Seungmin, bright hearts overshadowed by labels they could do nothing about. He can see Minho, as the baby that started it all.

He's felt this six times before.

There's a sound from outside the bathroom. It's too loud to be the snuffle through the wall again, and Chan immediately know that he wasn't quiet enough when he woke up. 

"Hold on," he tells the person on the other end on the phone.

Unlocking the bathroom door and making his way down the hallway almost feels like he's in a dream. Hyunjin stares back at him in the darkness. His hair is all messy, flopping into his eyes, and his eyes are still heavy. He rubs at them sleepily, stumbling towards Chan.

"Woke up," His voice is muffled and mumbly, and he melts into Chan's hug. "Why were you in the ba'room, Daddy?"

Seungmin changing rooms, even temporarily, is out of the question. Jeongin's room is still half-used as storage, and a new kid wouldn't be able to read the invisible lines around each individual toy. Jisung and Hyunjin's room has the most space, but it's like a carefully laid out map. Putting out a pop-up bed would mean moving the wardrobe and toys and cupboards, not worth Jisung having to memorise the layout all over again if it was only temporary. Changbin's room - still more a converted office than anything - is nowhere near done, even less so adaptable for another child. 

Minho wouldn't be happy to have to give up his room.

It's unfair. He's been here the longest, he's the only child that's actually related to him, and he's still working through the fact that his mom - Chan's sister - didn't want him. 

But it would only be temporary. He'd love the extra affection, even if he complained about it on the outside. They'd make sure his three precious cat plushies were safe, and then he could sleep on the pop-up bed in Chan's room for a while. 

"Daddy?" Hyunjin asks again. His head is tilted to one side, eyes big with worry too old for his heart.

Chan takes his hand. "Hyunjin," he says, voice low as to not wake anyone else, "How would you feel about another brother?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot in this fic that, although i've done some research, won't be as it is in real life. unless it's obviously wrong and correctable (in which case, please tell me!!!), don't expect this to be too accurate. 
> 
> thank you for reading! 
> 
> we'll see felix appear properly soon :)


	2. Chapter Two

Chan pets Hyunjin's hair slowly. He hadn't made the five-year-old go back to bed, not wanting to risk waking up Jisung by accident. Instead, he'd tucked him into Chan's own bed, and finished up the phone call with a smile on his face.

Hyunjin hadn't lasted more than another five minutes awake. 

Almost as soon as he'd hit the pillow, his eyes had shut. His breath had evened out to a steady up-and-down, and his fingers clutched onto the blankets. The lines in his face had completely smoothed out. 

Chan sighs. Wtching Hyunjin is sweet and all, but there's no way he's getting back to sleep now that his bed has been stolen. He doesn't think Hyunjin will actuclly manage to sleep for long - especially not if the other kids are awake - so maybe that's for the best.

The realisation suddenly hits him. _He's got to tell the rest of the kids._

He's more awake now, stopping his movement in Hyunjin's hair in order to sort through his wardrobe. There's no point in planning out an outfit, and so Chan pulls on a similar black t-shirt and jeans to what he wears every other day.

Hyunjin sighs in his sleep and turns over, pressing his face into the pillow. It's been at least an hour since he was woken up by Chan taking the phone call, but Hyunjin had fallen back asleep by then. Now that the clocks showed a much more reasonable time, he's waking up again, just in time to start tossing and turning over the last few moments of Chan speaking on the phone. Unfortunately, Chan doubts that the half-nap hasn't done anything except make him feel _more_ tired. 

It would be nice to go back to sleep, just for a few more minutes.

Chan already knows he's going to be exhausted today. Confronting the kids straight away is not something he's looking forward to. The logical part of his mind, however, disagrees. Realistically, if Hyunjin had woken up, so had the other children. They must have heard him through the walls. If he doesn't leave the bedroom now, they're probably going to attempt to make breakfast themselves.

Chan entertains that idea for a whole two seconds.

Yeah, he doesn't think so.

Suddenly he's wide awake. He'd made his way back to Hyunjin. The five-year-old's eyes are fluttering open, rubbing at his eyes in the motion of someone who'd much reather be asleep. Unfortunately, Chan can't let that happen. He can't really leave one kid unsupervised upstairs. Mentally apologising, Chan yanks the rest of the covers away and Hyunjin groans. That's just one less temptation between him and the potential destruction of their kitchen, Chan thinks. There's no way he can stay asleep now.

Chan smiles, "Jinnie?" He says, voice still quiet in the early hours of the day, "I'm going downstairs to make breakfast. Come and join me in a few minutes, when you've woken up properly. That is - if there's a downstairs left."

It's either really amusing, or waking up so early has warped Chan's sense of humour. He's still laughing to himself as he walks out of Hyunjin's hearing range.

Just like every other morning, then.

It takes a couple of minutes before Hyunjin has fully extracted himself from the warm bedsheets of Chan's bed, and his hair is still sticking up in every direction possible by the time he's followed the sound all the way down to the kitchen.

"Took you long enough," Chan comments, as Hyunjin makes his way inside. Uusally he's up and bouncing off the walls earlier than this. Myabe he'd been awake in the night more than Chan had thought. He makes a mental note to ask him about it later. For now, it's breakfast time.

The kitchen, surprisingly, is fine. Chan had intervened before anything too destructive could take place, although there's a suspiciously large amount of cereal in most of the kids' bowls. Most of them are old enough to pour their own cereal anyway, but only with parental supervision. He'd been more surprised that no one had thought to get out the sugary cereal reserved for treats.

Now that Hyunjin has gotten his breakfast, Chan is free to get his own. He grabs his bowl from the cupboard. The cereal and milk has been left out on the kitchen counter, but now that everyone has been served, he puts the milk back into the fridge.

Seungmin frowns as he sits down. "We were waiting for you," he says, staring pointedly at Hyunjin's own bowl, "My shreddies are all soggy now."

Hyunjin pouts. "I was sleepy!" He protests, but it doesn't do much against Seungmin's steely watch. 

The rest of the table doesn't seem to be aware of that. Jisung seems to be wearing most of the milk from his cereal around his mouth already, and Minho looks like he's trying to beat the world record for 'fastest cereal eaten'.

Chan leans over to check. He hadn't been waiting for Hyunjin _that_ long, had he? But sure enough, Seungmin's left his cereal alone for so long that when Chan pokes it with his spoon, it's not much more than mush. "You didn't have to wait for him, Minnie," he says, giving Seungmin the spoon back "Besides, I thought you liked your cereal soft?"

Seungmin squints at him suspiciously. "I do," he says. Before Chan can ask what the problem is then, he places the dinosaur figure he'd been holding on the table and starts eating.

There’re a few moments of silence, disrupted only by the sounds of chewing. They don't have much time before the kids start to get bored, so it's a good thing that Chan can eat fairly quickly. Hyunjin is the same, so it doesn't take long for the two of them to have finished and he can start speaking again.

"There's something I have to tell you."

That gets their attention. The sound of chewing stops abruptly. They can hear the seriousness in Chan's tone, and even Jeongin is staring up at him with huge eyes.

It's a bit mean, Chan thinks, to worry them like this. Kids are more perceptive than they seem, especially these ones. It's not fair to make them think that something is wrong. But it's better to get them prepared for some important news, otherwise they'd have to repeat it at least three times.

"There's going to be a new boy staying with us for a while."

Minho drops his spoon into his bowl with a splash. " _What?_ "

Seungmin seems to have the same reaction, pulling his dinosaur closer to his body again. He struggles at first to try and keep eating whilst clutching the figure at the same time, but manages in the end. Jisung doesn't seem bothered at all, having been one of the first kids Chan had fostered.

Jeongin, however, seems to have the opposite reaction. "A new person!" he exclaims, "A new brother or a new sister? Are they gonna be the new youngest? Can I be a hyung or oppa, Daddy, please?"

Chan tries to hide his smile. "It's a boy, and he's a little older than you, Innie, I'm afraid. But he won't be here for long. He just needed somewhere to stay while we try and get him back to his family."

"Oh." Jeongin seems to deflate slightly. He'd reacted the same way when they'd told the kids about fostering Changbin. The four-year-old really doesn't like being the youngest, although despite his protests, he doesn't seem to mind it when he gets all the benefits of being coddeled.

"We don't need someone else!" Minho folds his arms. "We're full. There's no more room. Tell him that we don't want him and that he can go away."

" _Minho_ ," Chan warns. He doesn't want to tell Minho off in front of everyone else, but that's not the way he should be talking. It's an attitude that they can't let develop, even if it is just seven-year-old angst.

"It's true! We don't want him!"

"It'll only be for a week." Chan manages to wrestle the attention away from Minho with ease. To curious children, new information is like a carrot on a stick. "But I want you all to be especially nice to him while he's here. He's been through a lot recently. I want you to make him feel as welcome as possible."

"He can borrow my bunny," Jeongin says, nodding like he's just made a very important executive decision. Jeongin's bunny plushie isn't one of his favourites - it's been abandoned on the floor in his room for the last six months - but it's the thought that counts at that age.

Chan smiles. "That's very kind of you, Innie. But remember this boy's been through a lot. When he arrives, he might be a bit upset. If he wants to be left alone, then I expect you to do it. It also means he might not want to play with you." 

There's a murmur of appreciation around the table. They've all been through similar experiences with the exception of a few, and everyone apart from Changbin has been here for the arrival of another kid. They're used to it by now. 

Speaking of Changbin, he's just put his hand up.

"You don't need to ask to speak," Chan chides gently, but there's nothing mean about his words. He smiles as the boy, gesturing for him to speak anyway.

"When is he arriving?"

For once, Chan actually manages to look slightly bashful. "Ah," he says, hand coming up to twist in his hair nervously, "Since this is only a temporary placement, we didn't get much warning. Usually there'd be more time to get everything prepared. He'll be arriving later today."

Again, the table seems to erupt. Minho still doesn't look pleased at all, whereas Hyunjin looks giddy with excitement. Chan makes _another_ mental reminder to talk to him about it later, just to make sure he doesn't try and treat Felix like a new playmate. 

"Today?" Seungmin echoes. 

Chan nods. "I know it's not ideal, Minnie. That's why it's going to take most of today to get things ready for him." He sighs rather melodramatically, and tries not to ruin the immersion by accidentally laughing. His acting skills have always been appalling. "It's going to be difficult with only me, of course. If only there were other people who could help."

"Us!" Jeongin yells. He tries to stand up in his chair in excitement, but Chan gets there and pushes his head back down before he can inevitably fall off. 

"Really? You'd help me?"

The table resonates with agreement. Even Minho can't help but smile at Jeongin's enthusiasm. Chan grins at them all, finishing up his bowl of cereal. "That's so sweet of you all."

And just like that, they fall back into silence. The natural end of the conversation drifts into the kids murmuring among themselves with a renewed enthusiasm.

They've mostly finished eating by now. Seungmin is completely focused on trying to feed Jeongin, despite the boy only being a couple of months younger than him, with Hyunjin only supplying extra cereal from who-knows-where. Changbin and Minho are flicking food at each other from other ends of the table. Chan is pretty sure Jisung's been sat under the table for the last five minutes.

Time to put the next part of the plan into place.

"Have we all finished eating?" He says, standing up and gaining the attention of all the kids at once. He doesn't wait for them to reply before beginning to gather up the various bowls and spoons off the table.

"Innie's still eating," protests Seungmin. Jeongin's cheeks are bulging with uneaten shreddies. Even if he hasn't finished eating, at this rate he won't be hungry for lunch. With even one kid skipping a meal meaning the whole household is thrown out of sync, that's something they just can't allow.

Chan sighs. "I think he's done," he says, picking Jeongin up off the chair and holding him to his hip. Jeongin can't exactly protest - his cheeks are too full to make anything but garbled noises - and Chan takes that as an opportunity to try and whisk him away to the bathroom. He's gotten exceptionally good at escaping having to brush his teeth recently.

They'd brought in a list when Hyunjin had arrived, as a way of checking off who'd done their teeth, washed their face, et cetera. With so many kids, and most of them unwilling to even acknowledge the meaning of hygiene, it was an easy way to make sure no one was accidentally missed out.

And it worked in theory.

After breakfast is usually chaos, in many different ways. Last week Chan had noticed Jeongin had been using it as a distraction to check himself off the list before anyone noticed. Suddenly everything seemed to make a little more sense. There's no way to prove Jeongin is behind the chaos, of course, but he has his suspicions.

"Come on," says Chan. As well as having Jeongin on his hip, he's managed to get both Seungmin and Hyunjin out of their chairs following him. It's not difficult, since both boys seem to chase after Jeongin around with surprising attentiveness, but there's usually a bit more complaining involved.

No one else moves to follow him.

Of course it wouldn't be that easy.

"Seungmin, Hyunjin, go and brush your teeth," he instructs. Jeongin blinks up at him with innocent eyes, and Chan sighs. He puts the four-year-old down, reluctantly. "Innie, I'll be back for you."

Jeongin grins. That's an opportunity for Chan to forget, and so he takes it and runs, right out of the door with Hyunjin and Seungmin at his heels. Three kids out of the kitchen, three to go.

Chan grabs some of the left-over bowls and begins to clear them away, putting the pile down by the sink. From this angle, he can see exactly how the shreddie-war between Changbin and Minho was being fuelled. "Up you get," he tells Jisung, crouching down under the table and taking the box of cereal out of his hands. He has no idea how Jisung even managed to get the box, since they were very specifically left on the counter -out of reach. "Go and brush your teeth, Sungie."

Jisung pouts, but he knows when to cut his losses. He lets go of the cereal without much of a fight, and climbs out from between the chair legs. By the time Chan has successfully managed to re-escape the table himself (something much more difficult than he'd originally thought, and with much less grace than Jisung), he's been offered Changbin's hand and they're just making their way towards the bathroom.

It leaves Minho and Chan alone in the kitchen.

Minho doesn't look very pleased about that fact. He's gone back to fiddling with the cereal he didn't have a chance to flick at Changbin, letting his spoon clink against the side of his bowl. When he notices Chan's managed to disentangle himself from the table legs, he drops the spoon into the milk with a splash. "Am I in trouble?"

Well, that certainly explains his gloomy face. Chan reaches over, taking his bowl and stacking in with the others by the sink. "Why would you think that?"

"Your eyes." Minho makes a screwed up face in an obvious impression of what Chan looked like, apparently. "That's your face when you want to talk to me."

Curse... _his face?_ for betraying him. Does he really look like that? No wonder Minho thinks he's in trouble. "You're not in trouble," Chan says, turning on the tap and beginning to fill the sink, ready to start rinsing out the bowls. Minho appears by his side almost silently, and Chan passes him the dish soap. They can be productive whilst they're talking. "I just wanted to ask you a question."

"Are you going to replace me with the new boy?"

Chan almost drops the bowl he's holding. Minho doesn't seem fussed about the words that have just come out of his mouth at all. He adds a squirt of dish soap to the hot water, using his fingers to create bubbles. His tiny face is screwed up in concentration. If Chan didn't know any better, he wouldn't be able to see past the facade.

He gently prises the bottle out of Minho's fingers. "Hey." Minho still doesn't turn to look at him, so Chan crouches down, taking his shoulders until they're eye to eye. "Don't say that. We'd never replace you, Min. You're the best big brother out there. Do you know how hard it would be to find anyone who's as great as you?"

Minho frowns. "Then what were you gonna ask?"

This really hasn't worked out the way Chan would have liked it. He would never propose using Minho's room for the new boy if he knew how Minho was feeling. But setting up anywhere else would take longer than a day, and they have no idea when Felix could be arriving.

"The new boy needs a room to stay in."

"He's not having mine." Minho pulls away, going back to swirling the soapy water. It's not doing much now, all the bubbles are only beginning to burst, but Chan doesn't comment on that.

"Minho-"

"He's not having mine! It's _my_ room, and I don't want to sleep anywhere else! Jisung and Hyunjin are too noisy, and everywhere else is too small."

"You wouldn't be sleeping in Jisung and Hyunjin's room." Chan says. For the first time since they began talking, Minho stops fidgeting. He looks up with obvious confusion on his face. "I don't want to think you don't have a choice," Chan continues, "If you don't want to give up your room, you won't have to. I'm not going to force you to sleep anywhere else."

"Where would I be sleeping then?"

Chan smiles at him. He's got soap suds in his hair, still pretending he's focussed on making more bubbles. "Well, I thought I could get the camper-bed that we bought for Changbin out again. There's more than enough space in my room to set it up, so-"

"Your room?" Minho practically yells. His hands freeze mid-motion.

"Yep. I know you don't want to give up your room, but hopefully that'll make up for it. We can make sure that the new boy doesn't touch any of your things, and it won't be for long."

It's true. They don't exactly have many other choices for where Felix can sleep, but he's not going to force Minho into anything. He's the oldest, but his reaction earlier has already gotten Chan slightly worried. He already knew Minho felt left out - he's not quite as good at hiding his feelings as he thinks - but Chan has been trying to combat that for a while yet. It looks like the subtle approach isn't working though. He'll have a proper conversation with him once things have settled down again.

If anything, Felix can sleep in the lounge today. They can use the rest of the next day to clear out Changbin's room properly. That's a job way overdue any way, and maybe sharing a room would help Felix to feel a little more comfortable.

"Okay."

Chan looks at Minho. He's grabbed a tea towel without even asking, and is now drying up the bowls as quickly as they're being washed. Chan almost wants to ask him to stop. He's got his own jobs he does to help around the house anyway, and washing up isn't one of them. But Minho seems to be calming himself with the action.

They're plastic bowls, he thinks. Not much damage could be done anyway.

"Are you sure? You won't be able to change your mind halfway through."

But Minho only nods. "That's okay," he says, and then- "Does this mean I get bedtime stories to myself?"


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shorter than i'd like, but the original outline got too long  
> second half of ~felix's arrival~ coming soon ;)
> 
> thank you for reading!

"What about clothes?"

Minho looks up from the game he's currently playing with Seungmin. Well, playing is objective. In reality, Seungmin is playing with his dinosaur figurines and Minho's trying to hide the fact he's just playing on his beat-up 3DS. It's not a very successful cover-up, but Chan is too stressed to tell him off. "We've done my clothes."

That causes him to stop in his tracks. "Have we?"

"Well, kind of."

Just the vague answer he was looking for. Chan tries to cast his mind back, desperately thinking of what Minho might be talking about. He's certain that they haven't sorted them out. He'd remember that, right? "What do you mean ' _kind of'_?"

Minho finally resigns himself to the fact that Chan's not going to stop asking. He puts the 3DS into his pocket, probably forgetting that he's not supposed to let Chan see it, and pads his way over to the door. "I mean kind of."

In the corridor is Minho's chest of drawers. That's where they've been keeping some of his clothes, with the wardrobe in his room containing shared outfits for most of the kids. A lot of the clothes are passed down anyway, with even Chan unable to tell who actually owns what.

How did the chest of drawers get to the hallway in the first place?

Why has it just been left there?

So many questions, so few answers. He takes a step forward, just to make sure that all the drawers are actually still the chest. When he confirms that they are, it only leads to more confusion. How heavy was this thing? How on earth had it managed to be moved without him noticing?

"Wha-" he begins, as if Minho's going to have the answer, but his voice trails off as he notices something else.

Changbin is helping by bringing the camping bed up the stairs.

It's been in his room ever since they bought it, just before Changbin himself had arrived. They hadn't had time to buy a proper bed - much like with Felix, his fostering had been arranged quickly. The study had been top of the list in rooms that could be converted to a bedroom, and so for the first few nights, he'd slept on the camping bed surrounded by paper.

Chan had definitely felt bad about that. It was much more in their interest to pull off something like he was attempting now, with a whole bedroom reshuffle, but Yellow Wood had assured them it would be fine. Changbin would be used to it, they'd said. Instead of a bedroom, that was what would remind him of where he'd lived with his mom.

Or at least, one of the places he'd lived with his mom. Chan's still trying to wrap his head around Changbin's past, if he's being honest. 

He manages to get up the first five steps with no difficulty at all. The camping bed isn't that heavy, and it folds down well enough that even the short arms of a six-year-old can wrap most of the way around it.

The problem comes at the sixth step, where Hyunjin also decides he wants to be helpful. 

Suddenly Chan is trapped at the top of the stairs, caged in by the chest. It doesn't help that Minho - in the time it bhad taken Chan to look away for five seconds - had decided to lie on top of it, sprawling out like he's sunbathing rather than just being a nuisance. 

Hyunjin 'helps' by pulling Changbin down a stair. He struggles to get a good grip of the bed, but finds it with a triumphant grin. For one second, Chan has hope that this won't end in disaster. 

But as soon as the thought crosses his mind, he's jinxed himself. 

Jisung pokes his head around the side of the door. Chan's too far away to hear what he asks, but it can't be good. Hyunjin lets go of the bed, almost causing Changbin to tumble backwards due to the sudden added weight. He grabs Jisung's hand and shows him to the bed. They wait for a second for Jisung to feel for a handhold, and then all three of them attempt to lift it up.

Chan's blood pressure goes through the roof.

He hadn't even _noticed_ Jeongin before, but now that the bed is more than two inches off the floor, he can see him standing behind Hyunjin, _also_ trying to hold on. 

"Minho, get _out_ -" he hisses, ready to slide him off of the chest of drawers and attempt to hurdle it. Minho has just enough time to look up, surprised by Chan's sudden hands on his back, but that's as far as they get. 

Chan lets go of Minho. He's stopped in his tracks, shuffling to the side just enough for Chan to leap down the stairs, landing right at the bottom behind the kids. He doesn't want to move them too far from their precarious position, just in case further disaster decided to strike. 

"I don't _think_ so."

He grabs Jeongin in one smooth move, getting the attention of Changbin, who then stops in his tracks. Jisung tries to keep walking but doesn't get far. He takes a step, only for the camping bed to stay in the same position. The slight second of confusion causes him to stumble back. And this time, he does manage to bring the bed with him.

Chan pushes Jeongin out of his arms, sending him stumbling off safely, and catches Hyunjin with one arm. Jisung, still falling backwards, wasn't that far ahead of him in the first place. He doesn't fall far, and ends up with his back pressed against Hyunjin's chest. Chan's other hand reaches out to support Changbin as he attempts to catch onto the bannister.

The camping bed clatters to the ground, and slides back down the four stairs they'd managed to climb.

Minho slides off the cabinet. He must be able to sense the tension in the room, as he starts to push the drawers to the side. Chan goes to help him, unlocking and securing the stairgate as he makes his way back up, helping Changbin make his way past the bed and safely onto the ground again. 

"What were you thinking?" He says. It comes out a bit harsher than he expects, with all three of the kids left flinching. 

"We were just trying to be helpful!" Jisung protests. He shifts awkwardly from foot to foot. Both Changbin and Hyunjin are avoiding making eye contact. Changbin's face looks awfully red, his hands balled up into fists, not looking up from ground. Hyunjin, however-

"I used to help carry things up the stairs all the time!" he says. He's not looking at them, so he knows what he's done was wrong. But there's still a defiance in his tone, and Chan is suddenly thrown back to when they'd first fostered him. Hyunjin has already changed so much since them. They've worked hard to give him back some of the childhood that was stolen away from him, but household tasks are something he's never quite been able to let go of. 

Chan sighs. "I know," he says. He holds his hand out for Changbin to take, and is pleasantly surprised when the boy presses himself up against his legs. He doesn't take the extended hand, but the fact that he's not shying away from him in the first place is already more than Chan could have hoped for.

Hyunjin is still pouting, so Chan continues talking. "I'm not mad," he says, finally correcting the tone of his voice. The adrenaline rush is beginning to fade, and the initial anger and shock is ebbing away. He's not even annoyed. Just... scared. "But you've got to know that the stairs aren't somewhere to mess around. They're dangerous. How many of you knew Innie was there?"

The silence he gets in reply is answer enough.

"It's kind of you to be helpful," He continues, "Please, don't stop helping because of this. But you've got to be careful on the stairs. Someone could get easily hurt. What if you'd slipped, and the bed had hit Innie? What if someone had put something on the stairs that Jisung stepped on by mistake? Imagine what would have happened if you'd fallen."

Changbin is fully hugging onto Chan's legs now. Jisung's gone pink, and Hyunjin looks like he could burst into tears at any moment.

"It's okay," Chan murmurs, rubbing circles into Changbin's back. They're not really upset, he knows that. Just shocked from being told off. They're young enough that it'll wear off in about five minutes, but hopefully this is a lesson that'll stay with them for a while. They could have been seriously hurt, and all Chan had done was stand and watch.

" 'm sorry-" Hyunjin starts, but Chan hushes him.

"You don't need to apologise," he says, "Just remember to be more careful next time, okay?" But still, it's better to get him out of the way now. With emotions high and children stressed, Chan loses a lot of his precious control over the kids. What's something he can persuade them to do to as a distraction? "How about you go and play with the others now? Dinner's almost ready."

The three youngest kids make their way into the living room, already starting to cheer back up again. 

It leaves only Chan, Minho and the camping bed in the hallway.

"Help me lift this up?" 

Minho beams. He's already taken the other end before Chan has even finished his sentence. He's strong for a seven-year-old (even if Chan is doing most of the lifting by himself), and together they carry the bed up the stairs with no problem. It takes no time at all before they've completely set out Felix's room compared to how slow the last few minutes had felt. Chan's smoothing out the duvet when he notices Minho hasn't left the room yet.

"Hmm?"

Minho is frowning. "Do you want another child?"

Chan's hands stop mid-smooth. The sheets are already pristine anyway, it doesn't matter. He straightens up. "What do you mean? Of course I do."

"You know what I mean." Minho huffs. He crosses the room, getting closer. "You said after Hyunjin that would be it. You _promised_ that he'd be the last one. And then there was Changbin, and then-"

This is about Felix.

Felix and the fact that he hasn't arrived yet. The room looks perfect, but the sheets aren't quite right. There's something he's forgotten - he's sure of it, he always forgets something - but what? 

And does it even matter? What if Felix hates him anyway? He's just a child, that's all any of his kids are really, but he's just been through a traumatic event. Chan hopes with such an overwhelming passion that he's okay that he almost forgets to answer.

"I'm-"

He's distracting himself from the thoughts that are eating him up inside.

His nails are bitten down, something he hasn't had to do for months, because it's better than focusing for too long on why the doorbell still hasn't rung.

He can't seem to find the words to say any of that. But Minho is crossing the room, getting close. "I'm doing the right thing, Min baby," he protests. Minho's frown hasn't changed.

"Your stress lines are growing," he comments, in the tactless way that only children get away with, "Don't worry. You're gonna end up all wrinkly if you worry. Just send the new boy away."

If only it were that easy.

"I can't do that," He says, trying not to think about the implication of Minho's words. "It's not that easy. This is the only place he can go, so we've got be nice to him. I'm worried because of Yellow Wood, anyway, not because of Felix."

Minho snorts. "That's stupid. If they wanted something, they'd have called you back."

He manages to make it sound so simple. It probably seems that way to him. 

It's funny that he's right. Minho, the one person who doesn't want another brother in the house, is completely right. Even with all the worrying in the world, there's nothing Chan can do about whether Felix arrives today or not. He hasn't been phoned. It's more than likely that he's still being checked over in hospital. It's still early evening, there's so much of the night left.

Chan breathes out, suddenly feeling a lot better. He smiles at Minho, hoping that some of those worry lines have disappeared. He doesn't want the kids to know how much he worries. That's not something that should ever have to be on their minds. "You're right."

"I'm always right." Minho looks offended at the suggestion that he'd ever be anything but. Then he looks down, shifting slightly, "When's dinner?"

The kids are already sitting down when they re-enter the dining room. Maybe Changbin or Hyunjin had spoken to them, as even the younger ones are uncharacteristically silent as Chan makes his way past the counter island and into the kitchen.

He'd made spaghetti about ten minutes earlier, before trying to get some last-minute room shifting in. Just long enough for the sauce to have cooled down enough. Both rooms smell lovely, and the kids keep glancing over to the pot, betraying how hungry they are. How late has it gotten already? Has Chan been so caught up in his worries that he'd forgotten to give them their afternoon snacks?

There's no point worrying about that now. It's in the past, and there's nothing Chan can do about it.

"Right," he announces, grabbing the tongs, "Who wants to eat?"

The kids are already lined up. Minho hadn't sat down immediately, but instead handed out the bowls with Seungmin's help, and now they wait patiently in line for Chan to give them a serving. Usually there's some slight squabbling, but they're still just a silent as before while Chan sends them off with their meals. 

"What's up with you?" He can't help but ask when it's just him and Changbin left in the kitchen. The open plan means they can see right into the dining room. Thankfully, now that the rest of the kids have sat down, they're beginning to talk. But it's hushed, missing the normal energy that food brings.

Changbin looks awkward about being kept behind. He clutches onto his bowl, eyes flickering behind him. "I- I don't know?"

The poor boy looks so stressed about being asked questions that Chan immediately drops the subject. He can deal with not knowing. He doesn't need to know if it has anything to do with Felix. He doesn't need to know if they feel like they're being pushed to the side right at this very moment.

"You can go join them," he tells Changbin, and watches him go. It's not long before he finishes serving up and joins the rest of the family at the table. 

He can ask the rest of them what's wrong. Changbin was probably just shy, and maybe he'll get a clearer answer from someone else. It's bound to be nothing, right? He's just getting all worked up over something that doesn't even matter. It shouldn't be this difficult to calm himself down, he's sure that there's nothing wrong.

"You're awfully quiet," He comments as he sits down, cursing inwardly at how awkward he sounds. Of course they're quiet, that's the whole problem in the first place! "What's wrong?"

For one scary moment, it seems like no one is going to talk. Chan won't force it out of them if they don't want to tell him what's wrong, but he can't help but hope he's raised them to speak up if they don't like something. It's good to be open. It's something they've put emphasis on - as long as it's not harmful, anyway - and Chan would be crushed if the kids didn't feel safe enough to tell him what's on their minds.

Before he can start to panic, Jisung looks up.

His eyes are mournful. Jisung's always had a way of nailing facial expressions, despite being unable to see what they look like. "Are you really going to stop bedtime stories?"

Chan almost chokes on his drink. "Wha- Why would bedtime stories be cancelled?"

Hyunjin shifts in his seat awkwardly. That shows where the origin of the rumour came from. "Well, there's onlyyou, right? And Minho said you promised to read him his own story, but then there's also the new boy! He doesn't speak Korean, but we don't understand English, so we won't understand his story. And there can't be two stories at the same time!"

Chan tries to school his face back into a neutral expression, but the edges of his lips can't help quirking up. All the worry from before has disappeared. He shouldn't laugh, he really shouldn't, but this is just too funny. "Don't worry, bedtime stories won't be stopping any time soon."

"I can't speak English!" Jeongin cries.

"I'll be reading to Minho and Changbin a little later," says Chan, attempting to calm him down. It shouldn't be very successful considering he can't quite stop himself from laughing, but it gets Jeongin's attention anyway. "Nothing changes for you guys."

Hyunjin doesn't look quite as convinced as everyone else. He starts speaking, "Promi-"

"Good. I want to hear about the Pachyrhinosaurus," Seungmin interrupts him rather primly. Somehow, the tone in which he speaks, combined with the fact that he never usually talks unless it's something important, makes the contrast of his statement to the other kids' so much funnier. Chan can't help but want to reach over the table and hold him tight. 

"You can hear about all the Pachorhinisaurus you want," Chan says fondly.

Seungmin narrows his eyes, "It's Pachyrhinosa-"

The doorbell rings.

And just like that, the mood of the table is turned up onto its head. Seungmin trails off, but Chan isn't even paying attention to what the correct name of the dinosaur is any more. This could be Felix. This could be Yellow Wood here to drop him off, and they're barely even ready. What if he hates them? What if he's more broken that Chan could ever try to fix?

The rush of thoughts isn't unfamiliar. He's felt this six times before, just like he's felt his heart swell to try and hold another child to his chest. 

"Right," he says, words still a little behind his thoughts. "I have to answer that. Behave yourselves, okay? Don't have a food fight or anything, I'll know if you do."

There's a chorus of groans, as the kids realise the potential and the _mess_ a food fight would bring, only to work out Chan's threat puts a stop to the plans before they can even begin. Minho's just flicking a strand of spaghetti at Hyunjin when Chan leaves the room. He can still hear their laughter from the hallway.

But the only thing on his mind is Felix.

And the overwhelming hope that whoever he is, whether he's standing on their doorstep alone against the world or not, that he finds a home here.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> words spoken in italics are in english

Outside the door, the sun is just beginning to set.

It casts the street in a golden glow, with pink-tinged shadows crawling out into the darkness. The sky is painted in red and orange. The brightest stars are only just visible, and the streetlights bordering the road are starting to flicker on. 

And on the doorstep stands the Yellow Wood worker, with a child hiding behind her legs.

"Hey, Jihyo." Chan smiles at her politely. They've met many times before, and although she hadn't been the one to make the phone call about Felix originally, he's half-expected her to be the one to drop him off. She'd been Hyunjin's case worker, and had kept close connections with the family ever since. 

"Chan." She holds out her hand for him to shake. It still feels awfully polite and forced, but the nerves of this situation have never quite gone away for Chan, and he's certain it's the same for her. It's better to stick to the rules they both know off by heart.

The boy by her legs shifts awkwardly.

"I wish we could be meeting under better circumstances," Jihyo says, looking down at Felix. They both take in the way he's clinging to her. In a way, that already makes Chan feel slightly better. He's always found it stranger when the kids arrive showing no emotion at all. Changbin and Jisung had both been so horribly apathetic when they'd first been adopted. The numb chests and empty eyes had never quite left Chan's nightmares.

Chan sighs. "I wish for a lot of things."

"How about slightly more time, for a start," Jihyo suggests. She's already digging in her satchel. The light in the porch flickers on just as she pulls out a folder. Chan knows the order of hospital notes, sheets of history and legal forms off by heart. He takes it when she offers it out, thumbing through the pages out of habit.

It's surprisingly thin.

Or, maybe the rest of his kids had been through much more. Hyunjin had a seemingly endless list of previous foster homes in his file, and Seungmin's medical diagnostic history was quite impressive. Even Minho had a heavy pile of legal custody documents. 

Felix hasn't been through any of that.

His life was changed so quickly, with the kind of trauma that can't be written down on paper. He must have had the perfect sub-urban life before the crash. In a way, the fact that the file is so small makes Chan's heart bleed even more. Everything had been taken away from him so easily.

"There might be more coming," says Jihyo, noticing Chan's expression. "We couldn't find much. If he wasn't right in front of me, I might be convinced that he didn't exist."

"That doesn't sound like a great start to locating the rest of his family."

When Jihyo smiles this time, it's obviously strained. "Yep. You can throw the usual few days out of the window. This'll take at least a week, maybe even longer."

Again, Chan's heart sinks.

The longer it takes to find Felix's family, the longer it'll take for him to get back to normal. He doesn't deserve a life of insecurities, especially when he's just been through a traumatic event. It's important to get him back to some sort of permanence as soon as possible, letting him cling to a routine he knew he could trust. 

"We'll do the best we can."

A week, maybe longer.

They'll be the best damn home for Felix for as long as it could possibly takes.

Chan leans back into the hallway, putting the file onto a table near the door. Jihyo and Felix watch as he does so, the door opening slightly more to reveal a view of the kitchen. Chan's stood outside so many times that he knows they can't see much, but he doesn't miss the way Felix almost cowers at the noise. 

"You mentioned he was on holiday. How are his language skills?"

Now it's Jihyo's turn to sigh. She runs her hand through her hair, "Fluent in English. As far as we could tell, his Korean is pretty much non-existent. He might just be shy though."

Chan nods. He smiles at Felix, and hoping that his knees don't crack embarrassingly, crouches down to look at him properly. _"Hey."_

For the first time, he gets a good look at the boy.

He's got a small face, with a cute button nose. There's a light dusting of freckles across his cheeks, something at reminds Chan so vividly of Australia that it almost knocks him off his feet. Now that he's closer, Chan can see that there's a thin cut on his forehead. One of his hands is held more tenderly than the other, and identical bruises stripe up both of his legs.

Felix frowns at him. _"You speak English?"_

 _"I'm from Australia. Just like you, right?"_ When Felix nods, he takes it as a sign to continue. _"My name's Chan. This is my house. Have you been told why you're here?"_

 _"Yeah."_ Felix says, and Chan breathes a sigh of relief. It's to be expected that Jihyo had explained everything to him, but he'd rather not take any chances. Especially if he might not have understood what they were telling him. Yellow Wood only has a few employees that speak fluent English, and Chan knows first-hand that translations are never completely correct. _"You're here to look after me while they try and find someone else who wants me."_

Chan frowns. Fundamentally, yeah. But that's not quite the tone he was expecting. _"Not 'someone who wants you'. They're trying to find your relatives - uh, your aunts and uncles and grandparents, those kind of people - so that you can go home."_

 _"Home is with my family,"_ says Felix. _"I already have a home."_

Behind him, Jihyo returns. She'd gone back to her car to pick up Felix's luggage, still in the suitcase Chan imagines he must have packed to arrive in Korea. When she puts it down next to him, he grabs the handle like a life-line. 

It's such a small suitcase.

Chan straightens up. "Is that it?"

"That's all that's definitely his. There's more still where they were staying, but we're not sure whether it might be his sisters'." 

Felix has been through so much. Chan understands what Jihyo means - even the slightest thing could cause him unnecessary mental stress, and until he's settled down a bit more, it's best to avoid causing that at all costs. He'd seen his sisters die right in front of them. It makes sense that they'd be hesitant to give him their things. "I see."

They stand there for a second more.

The sky has turned indigo by now. The pink has bled into dark blue, and the few stars that had been visible before are now brighter than ever. The air has turned chill. There's a cold breeze that wraps itself around the them, even with the heat from the house. 

"I think that's it for now." Jihyo's voice is quiet. 

"That's everything?" All Felix has been condensed to is a folder and a holiday suitcase. His entire life - or at least, what's left of it - has been reduced to a few sheets of paper and the bruises that stain his knees. 

Jihyo nods. She glances back towards her car, then down to Felix, and then back to Chan. "I'm sorry, Chan, I really am. I wish I could stay longer."

Neither of them know quite what she's apologising for, but it seems to fit the situation. All he can do is nod, and then she's already beginning to walk away. Felix almost begins to follow her, but catches himself before he can make the first step. They watch in silence as she climbs into her car. 

_"She's not coming back."_

Felix isn't asking a question. He grips the handle of his suitcase a little tighter. 

" _Not for now,_ " says Chan, " _but she'll be back_." This whole conversation has left a funny taste in his mouth. Something about Felix's attitude makes him feel slightly ill. He doesn't know quite what he was expecting, but the lack of hope in such a young child's voice just isn't right. " _Do you want to head inside?"_

Felix nods.

Chan lets him enter first, bringing the suitcase in. He shuts the door behind them when they're both inside. Felix's folder stares at him from the table, but he ignores it. He can read the sheets of paper it contains later. Now, he's got to get Felix as comfortable as possible.

" _Do you want to eat? We were just having dinner, and there's still some left if you're hungry._ "

Both pairs of eyes travel to the dining room.

Inside, the kids have forgotten his threat and lost complete control, It seems as though his sarcastic suggestion of a food-fight earlier didn't quite work as he'd planned. The inspiration hadn't been lost on Hyunjin, who now appears to be wearing most of his spaghetti. Changbin is grinning, not quite having noticed Chan at the door yet, just about to throw a meatball at Minho while there's still no one to stop him.

Jisung's bowl seems to be more cheese than sauce, and Jeongin is using two forks to try and cut his pasta into the bite-sized pieces he likes. Only Seungmin seems to have been spared from the mess, with an almost miraculous line of cleanliness between him and the rest of the table. 

Chan has never been so glad that they'd decided to take the carpet off the floor when they'd first moved in.

"Boys."

His voice is just enough as a warning. The chaos begins to calm almost immediately, and in a matter of seconds, it's almost as if there had never been any anarchy in the first place. They're all sitting just as angelic as when he'd left them.

The whole room _reeks_ of guilt.

The thing about kids is that they're not very good liars. The moment they'd started to whistle innocently, grinning like fools as if Chan hadn't just seen them about to destroy the kitchen, he knew something was up.

"What happened to 'no food fights?'"

" 's nout our fault!" Hyunjin cries out, "We were attacked by- by ninjas! They threw all the food around, how naughty!"

The statement is immediately backed up by every single child nooding sadly along. Even Seungmin joins in, although it looks like he's trying to impersonate a dinosaur instead of what's supposed to be a ninja.

Chan can only raise his eyebrows. "Really? Ninjas, hmm? I suppose it's just a coincidence that-"

" _I don't think I'm very hungry._ "

All eyes travel to the boy standing just outside of the room. He still hasn't let go of his suitcase, and is now staring into the dining room with wide eyes. The rest of the kids stare back with open mouths, covered in pasta and sauce. This is _not_ the impression that Chan had wanted.

No wonder Felix doesn't want to eat with them. Chan certainly wouldn't, if he'd just arrived at a strange house, knowing no one and barely even speaking the language. There's a sinking feeling in his chest already.

But Felix does have bags under his eyes. They're deep, and it's more than likely he'd been fed at the hospital. He might just be a combination of tired and overwhelmed, in which case, it would be better for him to just try and get some rest.

There's nothing he can do that doesn't involve leaving the kids alone for a little longer. He shoots them a warning glare, before starting to speak to Felix again. _"If it's too loud there, I can take some food to a different room for you?"_

_"I'm not hungry."_

_"Okay."_ The kids are still staring at them, dinner and food fight forgotten. They won't act out again. If anything, Chan will be more suprised if - when he comes back to the table - they haven't cleaned up after themselves. Trauma has changed them in a way that's old beyond their years. They know when it's time to be sensible. Chan shuts the door, trying to give Felix some more privacy. _"Would you like me to show you to your room?"_

Felix nods. He still hasn't looked away from the now-closed door, but follows when Chan starts climbing the stairs. Chan knows better than to ask Felix if he'd like help carrying his bag. He doesn't look like he's struggling, and the last bit of control he has over his own possessions is incredibly important. Chan wouldn't take that away from him.

" _This is the bathroom,_ " Chan gestures to the left. They pass the open bedroom doors, Jeongin's hundreds of shelves, Seungmin's dinosaurs lined up in perfect order. Hyunjin and Jisung's room as spotless as ever. " _This is where I sleep. You can come in whenever you want, don't feel like you have to ask."_

 _"That's a lot of bedrooms,"_ Felix comments, _"You have a lot of kids."_

Chan can't help but laugh at that. _"We sure do,"_ he says, _"They're a lot of work, but I love them all. They might be a bit loud sometimes, but I promise they're sweet as anything."_

Felix nods. _"They're_ very _loud. And very messy. My parents say I have to eat sensibly when I'm at the table, ‘cause otherwise Olivia will learn bad manners. Are they really allowed to have food fights here?"_

 _"Allowed is a loose term."_ Chan pauses. They've finally reached Minho's - Felix's for now - room. _"There's another bathroom at the end of this hall, so feel free to use either one. This is where you'll be sleeping."_

Felix pushes open the door. The chest of drawers has disappeared from the hall, thank goodness, and Minho's room is just as spotless as when Chan had left it earlier. The walls are painted light blue, the tiles matching the rest of the house. There's a dark blue rug in the middle of the room, and that's where Felix drags his suitcase.

 _"This is one of my kids' rooms. He's very kindly said you can sleep here."_ Chan crosses the room to close the curtains, letting the warm light fully illuminate all of the dark corners. _"If you want to know a secret, this is actually the nicest room in the whole house."_

_"Oh."_

Chan watches as Felix sits down on the bed. He seems tentative to mess up the perfectly-made bed sheets, and ends up simply perching on the very edge of the covers.

" _Don't worry about being too neat,_ " Chan says, trying to ignore the pang in his heart. He's lying through his teeth here, but it's more important to get Felix to feel comfortable than to make Minho annoyed for a day or two. " _Minho won't mind. I want you to feel comfortable here, we all do."_

Felix nods. He still doesn't look very convinced, but at least he's sitting properly on his bed now. " _I'm tired._ "

He certainly looks tired.

Chan's practically an expert in reading the emotions of five-year-olds at this point. And even if he weren't, Felix's exhaustion is written all over his face.

" _Do you want to get changed?_ " Chan offers, " _We've got spare pyjamas, if you need to borrow some._ "

" _Uh-_ "

Felix swings his legs back over the edge of the bed. He crouches down next to his suitcase and unzips it, rummaging through the clothes inside. Chan tried not to notice how empty the case seems. Felix eventually pulls out some Paw Patrol themed clothes, " _Found them._ "

Chan smiles at him. " _Good job_ ," he says, " _I'll stand outside while you get changed._ "

That doesn't seem to sit well with Felix. His face visibly screws up, and he clutches his clothes closer to his chest. He doesn't want Chan to leave. So much has happened in his life recently, he's probably clinging to the familiarity of the smallest things. Although they haven't known each other for long, his mind is desperate for someone to cling to. He's recognised Chan as someone who will be there for him.

" _I'll be just outside, I promise._ "

Felix still doesn't look particularly convinced, but he doesn't protest as Chan edges towards the door. 

" _Call when you need me._ "

The door seems all too loud when it shuts. Chan's breathing suddenly seems amplified, his cheeks getting warmer and chest a little tighter. That overwhelming sadness, the want - the _need_ \- to try and help the boy on the other side of the wall is back.

Time seems to pass so slowly, but when Felix does eventually call out that he's changed, it feels like it's only been seconds. 

" _Chan?"_

He opens the door slowly, and then in more confidence when he's sure Felix is dressed. Or - mostly dressed. The pyjama shirt is open, exposing Felix's chest. About ten buttons need to be closed, and by the way Felix's stubby fingers fiddle with the fastens, he can't do it himself.

" _Don't worry._ " He's an expert at buttoning kids’ clothes. Even with Felix fidgeting, constantly reaching up to rub his eyes or cover a yawn, Chan's finished in no time at all. The shirt is so soft. These buttons have been done up hundreds of times before. He wonders if this is the first time someone other than Felix's parents have done up his pyjamas.

They fall into a silence after that. 

Chan hadn't been speaking, too focused on speed and efficiency. He couldn't help but notice the dark purple bruise against Felix's chest, the mark of a seatbelt tattooed into his skin. They have medicine that could help relieve the pain in the cabinet in the bathroom, but they can't give any of that to Felix until they've got a full copy of his medical history.

And with how tired Felix looks already, Chan won't even have a chance to glance at the folder downstairs before he's fallen asleep.

The silence stretches on.

Chan certainly isn't expecting Felix to speak first.

 _"I want to go home,"_ he says, and he just sounds so sad. Almost as if he's given up already. He can't stop rubbing his eyes, pulling at the sleeves of his pyjamas and glancing at the duvet of the bed with longing eyes. " _I want my Mommy._ "

 _"Felix-"_

" _I want Mommy back. I don't want to be here; I just want Mommy._ "

He's tired. His cheeks are pink, eyes rimmed with red. His head hangs heavy, starting at the carpet, and his little feet don't even touch the floor when he sits on the bed. When he eventually looks back up at Chan, there are silent tears running down his cheeks. His bottom lip wavers, his hands shake, but there's no one to hold him and tell him it'll all be alright.

It won't be alright.

Felix can never have his perfect life back. The car crash took away more than his family, it took away his happiness. 

" _Sweetheart_." Chan brushes Felix's hair out of his eyes. When he doesn't flinch away from the touch, Chan scoops him up gently, just enough to tuck him into bed. " _I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry_."

He has to concentrate on the words. They still waver slightly, but Chan doesn't let himself cry. He needs to be strong for now. He needs to be here for Felix. Even as his heart shatters into millions of pieces, he refuses to let himself cry.

Felix rolls over. His eyes are already shutting, the kind of unbearable exhaustion that you can't fight against beginning to pull him down. The tears are beginning to dry on his cheeks, but his chest won't stop making hiccupping sobs.

" _Get some sleep. You're still tired from hospital, and I'll still be here in the morning."_

Chan shifts back, and hits something in the bed. He pulls the item out from the covers.

Jeongin's bunny.

It's not a particularly cute toy. Jeongin had always found the button eyes creepy - possibly connected to Chan letting him watch Coraline when he was _way_ too young. They'd tucked it here at the beginning of the day, but it must have been pushed under when they were moving the furniture about. 

" _Here._ "

He tucks the animal under the covers, right by Felix's arms. He's been half-convinced Felix was completely asleep by now, but he reaches out as Chan gives him the toy. Tiny hands pull the soft fur close to his chest, squeezing as hard as he can to try and wish away the pain.

At least his eyes are still closed, Chan thinks. That way he won't know Chan's resolve of not crying has crumbled to pieces. 

" _You won't leave?_ "

Felix's voice is so quiet. His words are muffled by the rabbit ear pressed up against his lips, and he looks so tiny wrapped up in another boy's duvet. The suitcase spills out clothes at the foot of the bed. The cut on his forehead is so bright against the clean white of the sheets, just barely hidden by the hair that's fallen back into his eyes.

Chan pushes it back. His fingertips are light against Felix's skin, careful not to brush any area that might still be sore. 

Felix seems to relax at the movement. His choking grip on the bunny loosens slightly, and the tension seeps out of his shoulders. He's still drowning in covers, but now his breathing is beginning to even out. 

" _I promise._ "

He stands up and it hurts. Every step away from the boy in the bed is another tear in his heart. Now that he's at the door, he can hear the sounds of the other kids downstairs. They're loud, even at this distance, and yet Felix's room still seems as silent and peaceful as ever.

Chan pushes the word 'empty' from his mind.

Felix's breathing is soft, only just audible. As Chan turns off the light switch, he can just see the purple sky peering out from the gaps in the curtains. Minho's nightlight illuminates the corner of the room. It lights up the delicate features of Felix's face. Even in sleep, his expression is screwed up.

Chan tears his eyes away and shuts the door.

When he returns to the kitchen, he scoops the rest of the kids into his arms. No one mentions the tears dripping onto their shirts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can we get an F to pay respects to Felix in the chat


	5. Chapter Five

"Is he _still_ sleeping?"

Chan rolls over and ignores the voice in the back of his mind. Despite the noise, he's still mostly asleep. Having woken up to answer the phone call from Yellow Wood had really affected his sleeping schedule. Combined with the fact he'd spent most of yesterday worrying about Felix, it shouldn't be a surprise that he's utterly exhausted. 

And that's not even mentioning his talk with Felix.

"We shouldn't wake him up. He's just-"

Chan frowns. He nestles into the covers a little more, stretching out his legs. Why is it so loud in his room? Where are the voices coming from? He's still so tired, and this is probably the first time he's slept this well for _years._ Morning's should be quiet and peaceful. Chan's never been a morning person.

He's still disorientated, but the voices have done their job. He's now more awake than he was before. His head is spinning, eyes still firmly glued shut, but the slightest hint of consciousness is just enough for him to move.

With one hand, he reaches out to pull the covers closer to him. 

Except- his fingers brush against nothing. The mattress is cold underneath his exposed skin. The covers he'd been searching for have been pulled up, leaving Chan alone in his cocoon of warmth. There's nothing there.

Chan's confusion becomes a little stronger. He's still drifting in the area between sleep and conscious thought, and the coolness of the sheets has actually become rather soothing. Now that the voices from his dream have stopped muttering, maybe he'll be able to fall back asleep. He can't remember the last time he was allowed to lie in like this before.

"He's moving!" The statement is followed by a giddy laugh.

"See, he's waking up! I _told_ you it was okay!"

Somehow, those words manage to get through his sleep-hazed mind perfectly.

Snippets of life are already beginning to come back to him. The covers have gone, and that means there's nothing to even pretend he's still asleep. He can wave goodbye to the hope of managing to drift back off. 

"Are you sure? I don't want to get in trouble."

There's a pause. Chan's mind is still rushing to catch up, placing the puzzle pieces together to try and work out what's actually going on. The voices - that's got to be the kids, right - and that means-

He has about half a second to prepare for the impact, and then Hyunjin launches himself on top of him.

"Daddy!" Hyunjin says, burying his head into Chan's chest. Chan can't speak - can't even open his eyes. Rolling over so quickly has left his head spinning, and Hyunjin's impact had pushed all the air from his lungs, leaving him breathless and winded. "Look!"

The lights in the room come flickering on.

Chan tries raise his hand top his eyes, squinting and trying to duck away from the brightness, but Hyunjin's effectively trapped his limbs. He's pretty tall for a five-year-old, which equates to being heavier than Chan expects. But he's still five, after all. Once his eyes have adjusted to the light slightly more, Chan rolls him further down his chest. He props Hyunjin's shoulder up with his hands, scooting backwards until his back is resting safely against the headboard.

Although it's pretty difficult to see since he's just woken up, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Changbin are in the bedroom. A little late, his brain finally filters through the layers of sleep in his mind, confirming that they were the voices he'd been hearing. 

Seungmin is right by the bedside table. He's practically bouncing in place, obviously excited about something. Before Chan has even turned his head to the side, before he even has a chance to wonder what's got Seungmin so happy this early in the morning, there’s an upside-down glass being shoved into his face.

"What?" Chan squints at it. He can barely see anything, the early-morning bleariness has caused his eyes to fog up. Now that he's closer, he can just see what's being shown to him so eagerly.

It's... a spider?

Right, a spider in a glass. They appear to have trapped it with a sheet of newspaper and (Chan is slightly more concerned about this) a wine glass. Who knows where they got either of those items from. Or even how they knew to catch a spider in that way.

"That's great," he says, still slightly confused about how he's supposed to react. Seungmin seems incredibly proud of himself. His grin stretches from one side of his face to the other. Chan rubs his eyes and attempts to sit up a little more, something made incredibly difficult with Hyunjin sprawled out starfish-style on his chest. "Wow. Where did you get it from?"

"Innie was going to eat it," Seungmin says, so casually that Chan almost has to do a double take. 

"He was going to put in his mouth and everything!" Hyunjin adds "He was like-" He proceeds to open his mouth wide, making a strangled gargling kind of sound that Chan assumes is supposed to be Jeongin about to eat the bug. "And then - then Changbin came and took it from him! And Minnie put it in a cup, and then we came to show you!"

"He didn't even hurt it," says Seungmin, thrusting the glass closer to Chan's face, "Look!"

In the corner of the room, Changbin looks very pleased with himself. He hadn't been standing as close to the bed as Hyunjin and Seungmin were, instead looking slightly awkward. But upon being complimented, he shuffles forwards slightly, cheeks pink with bashfulness.

"Wow." Chan repeats. He gently moves the glass away from his face. Not that he doesn't trust Seungmin's grip, but - yeah, he doesn't trust Seungmin's grip. Now that he's slightly more awake, he can actually see how big the spider is as well. He does _not_ want that thing dropped into his bed. "Thank you for stopping Innie from eating things he's not supposed to. That's very grown up of you."

It really is. Chan would have expected them to join in with the bug-eating feast over stopping Jeongin. All the kids seemed to run around for the youngest's every whim. It was very impressive that they'd managed to take the spider off him, especially if Jeongin had his mind on it.

"Oh no," Hyunjin says casually, "We promised to give it back afterwards."

"You-" That certainly makes more sense. Chan tries very hard not to rub his temples out of frustration. It doesn't work. "You promised to give the spider back."

"Well, yeah." Seungmin says, frowning. The defeated tone of Chan's voice had been lost on him. "He wouldn't let us catch it otherwise."

All four of them look back down to the spider in the glass. Slowly, Chan takes it away from him. Seungmin doesn't try and fight back, knowing he's lost the fight before it's even begun. Once Chan's sure he's not about to drop it, he kicks of the blankets, shrugging Hyunjin off his chest and crossing the room. One elbow pushes a window open. 

Seungmin presses his hands up against the glass as Chan lets the spider drop onto the grass. "Bye bye spider."

"Bye bye." Chan repeats, absentmindedly. He watches as the spider becomes nothing more than a tiny speck, and then turns to find somewhere to put the cup down.

He isn't expecting to see Felix in the doorway. 

He looks quite uncomfortable, probably because all eyes in the room are now looking at him. Chan has no doubt that his presence is why Hyunjin and Changbin didn't join them at the window. Hyunjin's got such an expression of wonder on his face that the spider has obviously been forgotten. 

"Hello!" He says, at a level of noise that really isn't acceptable this early in the morning. If it even is early in the morning. Chan's lost all sense of time at this point, really. "You're Felix!"

Felix looks to Chan with panic in his eyes. He looks like a deer in headlights, and with every second that passes, Hyunjin gets a little closer. "I'm Felix?" It's probably not meant to sound like a question, just the nerves getting to him. Hyunjin doesn't even realise how intimidating he's being.

At least it confirms Chan's theory: Felix _does_ know how to speak some Korean. He might not be as comfortable in the language as English, or know how to write or read in it, but he can say and understand basic phrases. That's more than enough for a starting point.

Even if he's only due to stay in Korea for a week, the more Korean he knows the more comfortable he's likely to feel around the rest of the kids.

It's certainly thrown Hyunjin off guard. "You're not Felix? But then- who -" He splutters slightly, mouth trying to catch up to what his brain is processing. Eventually, he looks to Chan with pleading eyes. "Daddy?"

"Felix," Chan says, still surprised by the boy's sudden appearance in the bedroom. He hopes it answers Hyunjin's confusion. _"What are you doing here?"_

If the kids were taken aback by Felix standing by the door, their expressions when Chan starts speaking in English is something else entirely. Changbin looks like the implication has passed him by; his face is completely blank. Chan doubts his mother ever thought to teach him English, considering she barely taught him the requirements for school. Hyunjin knows a little more, and his mouth drops open.

 _"I woke up. I heard voices."_ Felix says, voice little more than a mumble. He looks incredibly intimidated by the amount of people in the room. That's not great - there's rarely a quiet place in the house - but hopefully he just wasn't expecting to be interrogated like this.

"Hello!" Hyunjin tries again, although his accent is so thick that Chan doubts Felix knows what's being said. "Uh - one, two, three, four, five."

At least his English counting is coming along.

"Hyunjin," Chan says gently, interrupting Hyunjin before he can start to list colours or something, "Changbin, Seungmin. How about you go downstairs and tell everyone that Felix is awake? You don't have to be quiet any more."

Changbin nods, eager to get out of the room where he doesn't understand what's going on. Seungmin is quick to follow him. All his smiles from earlier have disappeared.

"Hyunjin," repeats Chan, this time letting a little warning seep into his tone.

Hyunjin frowns up at him. "I wanna stay! I wanna talk to Felix - can I show him around? Please?"

So that's what this is about. Hyunjin's been to more foster homes than Chan can count on one hand, the arrival of a new kid is probably a familiar sight to him. He's most likely seen the older kids show the younger ones around, and is now trying to imitate that behaviour. It would be sweet, if he weren't acting so stubborn about it.

"Jinnie. This isn't the time. Felix has only just woken up, he's probably shy and overwhelmed. He might want a tour later, but not right now."

Hyunjin still doesn't look entirely convinced. He glances once more to Felix, back to Chan, and then- He nods solemnly. "Okay. I'll give him a tour later." That's not quite what Chan meant, since he doubts Felix wants a tour at all, but it's close enough. Hyunjin smiles at the Australian boy as he passes next to him. _"Goodbye."_

Once, he's left the room, Chan closes the door behind him. He gestures for Felix to sit up on the bed. _"Are you feeling better today?"_

Felix nods. He lets his feet dangle off the edge of the covers, still wearing his pyjamas from earlier. _"I woke up, but there were people talking really fast and I didn't understand what they were saying, and I didn't know how to ask for breakfast, so I went to find you."_

Chan tries not to let his expression falter. How long had Felix been awake? He hadn't even considered the fact that Felix might not be able to ask for what he wanted. He might have even been too shy to use the bathroom if he needed it. Chan wouldn't blame him. The bathrooms were chaotic in the morning, and Felix hadn't been introduced to the rest of the kids yet.

Maybe he _would_ have to take up Hyunjin's offer of a tour.

 _"So- When is breakfast?"_ Felix asks. He's still kicking his feet. The scratch on his forehead has healed slightly, and the bruise that Chan can see peeking out from the collar of his shirt is already looking better than yesterday. 

He seems to be in a better mood as well. It might not last. Chan knows how fast kids can swing from one emotion to the next, and Felix is dealing with a lot of emotions at the moment. But the bags under his eyes aren't as dark, and his eyes seem to sparkle in the morning light. 

" _Whatever time you'd like. As long as you tell me when the milk is finished, you're free to eat whenever. We usually all eat at the same time anyway, but I understand if that's too loud for you."_

Felix shrugs. " _'s okay,_ " he says, _"Do you have Coco Pops?"_

As he speaks, he jumps back down off the bed. Chan watches as he crosses the room, curious as to whether Felix will go all the way downstairs on his own. The impression he'd gotten yesterday said that the boy was shy, and his reaction when the other kids were in the bedroom had only seemed to confirm that theory. But now that they're alone, Felix seems confident.

He grabs Chan's hand. 

Felix looks up with big eyes, obviously waiting for Chan to lead him to the kitchen for breakfast - _and he'd taken Chan's hand._ Is he so confident because Chan is there? Has he latched onto him so quickly already?

 _"Right,"_ says Chan, trying not to show how flustered he's become from the simple action, _"Let's go and get you some Coco Pops then."_

He leads Felix down the hallway, pointing out the bathrooms again as they pass. One of the doors has been shut, the familiar grumbles of Jeongin trying to brush his own teeth just audible through the wood. Gosh, how long has he slept in that even his _kids_ are taking pity on him? He'd hoped that none of them had noticed him crying last night, but that's evidently not the case.

Thankfully, Felix doesn't seem to notice. He rattles the latch on the stairgate, creating enough noise to drown out the sound.

Chan smiles, gently pushing his hand away from the gate and opening it himself. They make their way down the stairs without another incident. Felix's grip tightens around the three of Chan's fingers he's desperately clutching onto, making sure that he doesn't slip. 

He lets Chan lead him into the kitchen. Chan's pleasantly surprised by the sight he's greeted with. The counters, the table - everything - is completely spotless. By now, he's glanced at the clock hanging in the hall, and he knows what time it is. The kids can't have been awake for too long. They usually created quite a bit of mess when eating, and Chan hadn't even had the chance to check how well yesterdays bolognaise had cleaned up.

The fact that everything is pristine now means...

Well, there's no way that the cleaning fairies had magically visited overnight. It makes Chan's heart swell a little when he realises that the kids must have helped. 

_"How hungry are you?"_ Chan asks offhandedly, trying to keep Felix entertained. He opens the fridge and puts a carton of milk on the side, letting Felix help by unscrewing the lid. _"Hungry enough to eat a horse?"_

 _"A horse?"_ Felix wrinkles his nose, the tell-tale sign of confusion telling Chan that he's never heard the phrase before. _"I would like Coco Pops, please."_

Chan grabs two bowls and sets them out; one big spoon and one little one. He slides over the little spoon to Felix, who's on tip-toes trying to reach one of the plastic bowls. It's just out of reach, the very tips of his fingers still a good inch away.

The counters have always been pretty tall.

It was something he hadn't even considered when Chan's family had gifted him the house. He hadn't thought he'd be having _one_ child at that point, let alone six - or seven now. At least half of the high countertops were inaccessible to everyone but Minho and Hyunjin.

Chan hooks his foot around the plastic stool pushed neatly into the corner of the room, and slides it over to Felix. That should help him reach, and give him more stability when he's making his breakfast.

He puts the cereal out on the counter. Coco Pops, Felix had asked for. Usually sugary cereals were treats reserved for the weekend. It's only Thursday, but Chan reckons Felix deserves a little bending of the rules. _"There you go."_

Felix takes the box from him with uncertain hands. He holds it awkwardly. Even the added height of the stool doesn't do much to make him more comfortable, he simply continues to fumble with the cardboard. 

Maybe the box is too wide for his hands - he does seem to have rather small fingers after all - or maybe there's something else. Chan is used to his own kids pouring the cereal without a second thought. They'd all been brought up independent. Even if they weren't raised by Chan; Changbin had to be incredibly resourceful when his Mother forgot that he needed feeding as well, and he's still trying to stop Hyunjin from doing the odd jobs around the house.

He hadn't stopped to think that it might not be the case with Felix.

He doesn't want to interrupt the little independence he might have, so keeps his mouth shut. But sure enough, a few seconds later, Felix is looking up at him with big eyes. _"I've never done the pourin' before. My Mommy usually helps me."_

 _"Would you like me to help?"_ Chan asks.

Felix nods, _"Yes please."_ He puts the box down almost immediately.

Chan almost considers asking him to say how much cereal he wants in his bowl, but decides against it. If his mother used to pour his cereal, then it's very likely that she decided how much he should eat. Giving Felix the choice of when to stop would probably result in an overflowing bowl.

It's the main reason why Chan lets their kids decide how much they want to eat. As long as they're sensible with the portions and have healthy amounts, it seems much better in the long-term. Deciding themselves gives them more independence, as well as letting them learn restraint. 

He ends up pouring a decent-sized amount into the bowl. Felix is on the smaller side of five-year-olds, but he might still be hungry from missing dinner last night. 

_"Is this okay?"_

Felix nods. He holds onto the counter with both hands as he climbs down off the stool, and then takes the bowl from Chan. The table is visible from where they're standing, and he'd seen them eating there before, so he's not surprised when he makes his way over without asking.

Chan is just a little behind him. He pours himself a bowl of cereal before putting everything away. The milk goes in the fridge, the cereal goes in a cupboard, and the stool goes back into the marked-out area on the tiled floor. Jisung doesn't often travel through the kitchen unattended, but it's better to be safe than sorry. 

_"You have good taste in cereal,"_ he says as he rounds the corner. Felix nods, as if that's a fact he already knows, but doesn't quite get to reply.

The door behind them opens.

Hyunjin peers his head around the door. He doesn't even seem to acknowledge Chan's existence at first, grinning as soon as he sees Felix and throwing himself into one of the chairs. _"Hello!"_

 _"Hyunjin-"_ Chan starts, as Felix now looks just as wide-eyed and intimidated as he'd been the first time Hyunjin had tried to start a conversation. 

But something else has already got his attention. "What?" Hyunjin practically shrieks, shoving his face into Felix's bowl, "Coco Pops? That's - that's against the rules! That's not fair!"

Chan doesn't want to start a fight he knows he can't win. Instead, he skirts around the topic and tries to distract Hyunjin again. "What are you doing here? I thought I asked you to give Felix some space until he settles in."

"You said I could show him around later. You promised! And now it's later, so I get to show him around!"

Chan checks the timer on the oven. It is not 'later'. It has been fifteen minutes, at most. "I meant in the afternoon. And you know I didn't promise anything."

Hyunjin pouts. "Nuh-uh. You promised. Didn't he?" The question is aimed at Felix, in the smug tone that says Hyunjin is certain Felix will stick up for him. 

Felix pauses mid-mouthful. His spoon is halfway up to his mouth, milk dripping back into the bowl. He looks at Hyunjin, and then immediately to Chan, the panic in his eyes evident.

"Jinnie, Felix's Korean isn't that good. He doesn't understand what you're asking."

"Well, then you tell him!" Hyunjin huffs, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms dramatically, "How do _you_ know he doesn't want a tour?"

Chan turns to Felix. Hyunjin obviously isn't taking no for an answer. There's no real harm in asking Felix - it is his choice after all. They'd have to have Chan translate the entire thing, but Hyunjin's 'tour' skills are mostly likely the best out of all of the kids. "Felix, Hyunjin is asking if you'd like him to show you around. You can say no if you'd like, I know he can be very loud-"

But Felix is already facing Hyunjin again.

He opens his mouth, and in thick, accented Korean, says "Yes, please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyy follow my [twitter](https://twitter.com/sunnyesque) if you want to yell about skz as actual children with me  
> i'm too shy to initiate any conversations, but i would love to be friends with you all!!
> 
> also rip to the kids that were barely mentioned in the chapter lmao


	6. Chapter Six

"Really?" Chan says. He can't help the surprise leaking into his voice. It's not cruel or demeaning, just... shocked. "You don't have to say that just because he's here. No one's forcing you to take part in things you don't want to."

It's only after the words leave his mouth that he realises he'd spoken in Korean, too caught up in his disbelief to think properly. Hyunjin looks pretty hurt by the statement, and Chan's heart sinks. That wasn't what he'd meant at all. "Jinnie, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just not sure whether a tour is the best thing at the moment."

"He said yes!" Hyunjin protests, ignoring Chan's apology completely. "He wants the tour! I'm not _making_ him say anything."

Felix is still eating his cereal, as if he hasn't just caused a mini revolution in the dining room. Chan's own bowl stares back at him, abandoned halfway. He's not particularly hungry anymore. Hyunjin's tone has caused him to feel a little ill. He hadn't meant to hurt him, he really hadn't. He _knows_ how important it is to encourage the kids.

But he doesn't want Felix to feel intimidated. Even if he might not seem like it at the moment, the smallest thing could cause him to breakdown. The trauma from losing his entire family isn't about to disappear any time soon.

Chan sighs. Maybe it is better to have the tour now. For all he knows, the reality of the situation just hasn't sunk in yet. Felix might be fine now, only to realise that his parents really aren't coming back a few hours later. They've got to get him introduced to everyone at some point. Even if he's only staying for a week, that's more than enough time for him to start feeling isolated and lonely.

If Hyunjin gives the tour now... it's one less thing they'll have to worry about later. 

"I'm sorry," Chan says, looking Hyunjin in the eyes. He has to make sure it doesn't look like he's lying. He wants Hyunjin to know that he's telling the truth. "I shouldn't have assumed. You can give Felix a tour."

Hyunjin's frown slides off his face at an alarming speed. He's grinning almost immediately, as if he'd never been angry in the first place. "That's okay, Daddy!" he says, "You can still tra- tran- tell him what I'm saying."

"Thank you, Jinnie." He's not sure what Hyunjin's plan would have been if he didn't have Chan to translate for him, but he chooses not to comment on it. They've just had one close call. It's too early in the morning to get into another argument.

Beside them, Felix is scraping the last of his Coco Pops from the bottom of the bowl. He must have gotten bored of not understanding what Hyunjin and Chan were saying, and is now totally focused on getting the last few pieces of cereal. He only looks up when Chan shifts his chair across the floor loudly, not wanting to surprise him.

Felix puts his spoon in the bowl. He lets Chan take him away from him without fussing, and swings his legs as he speaks. _"I would like the tour now, please."_

 _"Right now?"_ Chan asks, just to confirm. As has already been proven today, five-year-olds have little concept of time. 

_"I would like the tour,"_ Felix repeats. He then looks to Hyunjin again, forehead screwed up in thought, _"Does he know I want the tour? Did you tell him?"_

 _"I told him, don't worry."_ Chan says. There's no way this can end well, right? Is he just hoping against the inevitable thinking it might actually be useful? He doesn't speak again as he puts their bowls into the dishwasher, pursing his lips. This is a good decision, right? He can trust Hyunjin. Building relationships between the kids is good.

When he turns around, Felix is already up and out of his seat. He's standing next to Hyunjin, who looks like he's about to explode from excitement. He hasn't taken Felix's hand, surprisingly, but maybe that's only a matter of time. "Let's go!" He says as soon as he notices Chan's looking at them, and the two boys are making their way out of the room before Chan's even reached the door.

The dining room leads into the hallway. Felix has already seen this part of the house, so it's a good thing Hyunjin decides the corridor is too boring for a part in his tour. They slide across the tiled floor to the door on the opposite wall to the one they just left. Through the glass panels, Chan can already see Seungmin sitting in the living room.

Hyunjin pushes the door open quietly.

"This is the living room," he says, voice soft, "This is where the best TV is. It's so big that if you turn all the lights off you can pretend you're at the cinema!"

Seungmin turns to face him. Hyunjin's voice hadn't been quiet enough to escape his attention, and he stares at Felix with the same curious eyes as earlier. He's curled up in the corner of the sofa, favourite soft blanket draped over his legs and dinosaur figurine tucked up against his cheek. The soft music of his favourite television show is ringing out through the otherwise silent room.

8AM like usual, every weekday. It must be only just starting. Seungmin's small body is illuminated by the colours from the screen, but he doesn't jump up to introduce himself like Chan might have guessed. He'd seemed pretty excitable earlier, but that all could have changed in the ten minutes it took for Felix to eat breakfast.

"That's Seungmin," Hyunjin continues, but he's already dragging Felix across to the safety of the other side of the room. They don't want to be too loud if Seungmin's favourite show is on. It's only twenty minutes long, that's easy enough to wait through. "He's also five-years-old like me, and he really, _really_ likes dinosaurs. He's the smartest person ever when it comes to dinosaurs."

Chan relays the information to Felix in English, trying to keep almost every word with the same meaning. It feels a little strange to speak in the style of a five-year-old, but it's important not to lose Hyunjin's meaning. Besides, who knows how to talk to five-year-olds better than five-year-olds themselves?

Felix's face lights up at that. _"I'm five as well!"_

By this time, they've left Seungmin be in the living room all by himself. Luckily there were two doors leading into the room. Although they can still hear the sound of the television programme very faintly through the door, they can talk in louder voices now. 

"Five!" Hyunjin says, not even waiting for Chan to translate. "He said five, right? I'm five as well, and so is Seungmin and so is Jisung. We're like twins!"

"He did say five," Chan says, offering Hyunjin a smile, "Well done! You're very good at your English numbers, I'm impressed."

Hyunjin's cheeks go slightly pink. His grin grows in size, and he practically skips away as he goes to continue his tour. They're in the second living room, which is surprisingly empty. The garden is visible from here, as is the downstairs bathroom from across the hallway. There's no one in either of them.

This causes Hyunjin to come skidding to a halt. "This is the other living room. The one with the smaller television. This is where we go if Daddy wants to watch something on the better TV, which is unfair because there's more of us than just him. But now that you're here, maybe we can throw him out."

"I think you'll find that you should be asleep at that time anyway," says Chan, trying to defend himself, before translating for Felix. Hyunjin simply laughs in a way that can only be described as evil. When Chan tells Felix what he'd said, he leaves out the part about 'overthrowing' him. That might... _not_ give the best first impression.

Something's caught Felix's eye. _"Why're there lines?"_

Chan frowns, trying to work out what Felix is talking about. Lines? What could that mean? He ducks his head up and down, trying to see whether a new perspective helps work out what Felix means, and then-

_"You mean the tape on the floor?"_

He nudges one with his foot. Two long stripes across the tiles, just underneath the table in the centre of the room. He hadn't realised they were that visible - usually most people never even realised they were there - but maybe Felix is more observant than most. Or maybe he's just closer to the floor.

 _"The lines,"_ Felix confirms.

Hyunjin works out what they're talking about from the way they're both looking at the floor. He's thrown himself on one of the sofas, but sits back up when he realises he can explain something. "The tape's for Jisung! His eyes don't - uh - don't work properly. So if we accidentally move something, we always know right where it goes!"

 _"One ofthe children here,"_ Chan says, _"is blind. Do you know what that means?"_

Without speaking, Felix lifts one hand up and points to his eyes.

Chan tries not to breathe a sigh of relief. That makes one of his jobs a lot easier. _"Yeah. His name is Jisung, and the fact that he's blind means he can't see things very well. So if we move objects in the house, he won't know that they've been moved. Even if we tell him, he might forget."_

_"So what's the tape for?"_

_"If anything gets moved by accident,"_ Chan continues, _"For example, if Hyunjin tripped over and moved the table a little, the tape shows where it was before. So when they get moved, we can put them right back in the same place."_

Felix frowns. He nods to himself, as if noting it down mentally, and then- _"Do_ I _have to put everything back as well? What if I forget?"_

That's his first thought? There's no judgement made at all. He'd just worried that he might accidentally cause Jisung to trip. If Chan's heart wasn't already swollen to full capacity, he's sure it would be bursting out of his ribcage. _"Don't worry too much,"_ he says, _"As long as you try and remember when possible, that's fine."_

In front of them, Hyunjin's gotten bored listening to a conversation he can't understand. He gets up off the sofa with as much enthusiasm as he'd thrown himself down with, and is opening the door to the next room before Chan has even finished his sentence.

"Come on!" He calls, the very second Chan stops talking. "Let's gooo! It's Changbin and Jeonginnie!"

Chan and Felix follow him into the play room. There's a table pushed up against one wall, and sure enough, Changbin and Jeongin are sat down there. They're colouring peacefully, both absorbed in their work. Jeongin only looks up when Hyunjin comes bursting through the door, and Changbin is so engrossed in his drawing that he doesn't even notice their arrival.

"This is Jeongin!" Hyunjin says, climbing into one of the empty chairs to inspect the younger boy's drawing. "He's the youngest and he's the cutest, so he's the baby. He used to bite me and Minnie all the time when we tried to cuddle him, but now he just runs away."

"He was completely right to bite you," says Chan, raising his eyebrows at Hyunjin, "And you know that. He asked you to leave him alone and you didn't."

Hyunjin ignores him. "And this is Changbin! He only came in the summer, so he's the newest before you. He caught a spider this morning as well, which is really cool!"

Chan tells this all to Felix, who nods in wide-eyed agreement. His nose scrunches up at the mention of the spider, so Chan quickly explains that Korean spiders are nowhere near as dangerous as Australian ones. 

But speaking of spiders...

"Innie," Chan says, coming up behind the boy, "What's this I hear about you trying to eat a spider?"

Jeongin frowns. He's clutching a crayon in one hand, still staring the drawing in front of him. He'd been so focused on his colouring that he'd completely forgotten about how he'd never actually gotten to eat the spider. 

Uh oh.

"That's a lovely drawing," Chan quickly says, hoping it distracts everyone from the spider injustice. It's a... drawing, certainly. He's not quite sure what it's supposed to show, but there's a lot of colours used and a lot of scribbly lines.

Luckily, Jeongin latches onto the compliment. "It's you!" He says, holding up the sheet of paper as if that'll make it look any more like him. Now that Chan has a slight guideline of what he's looking at, he _might_ be able to make out a person. Maybe. It could also equally be a banana, so he's not really sure about that one.

On the other side of the table, Changbin holds up his own drawing. His is much clearer than Jeongin's. It shows very clearly Gyu, his stuffed Munchlax toy, and Changbin holding hands. The background is a little less comprehensible.

"Changbin, that's great!" Chan tells him, making sure to include the same amount of enthusiasm he'd used to compliment Jeongin's drawing. "Gyu looks so cute. I'm sure he'd be very pleased with it."

"Thank you," says Changbin. His cheeks flush a little, but he's mostly peering at the drawing of Gyu like he's seeing it for the first time. 

Beside him, Jeongin is also starting to fidget. "The spider!" He says, starting to scribble a circular body right in the... centre of his page. On top of the drawing he'd already done. 

He hadn't forgotten about the offhand comment, just like Chan had been dreading.

To say it again: uh oh.

"How about we leave them in peace?" Chan suggests. Changbin's now frowning at his drawing, and it appears that Jeongin had forgotten all about his bug buffet. Now that he's been reminded, there's bound to be some complaining. Or even worse, an attempt at more bug catching. 

Hyunjin seems to have gotten distracted. When Chan speaks to him, he looks like he'd completely forgotten about Felix. There's a crayon in his hand. "But-"

"I thought the tour hadn't quite finished yet. I'm sure there's a few more people who Felix hasn't been introduced to..."

Hyunjin narrows his eyes, but he doesn't quite catch onto Chan's obvious manipulation tactic, since he drops down off of the chair. "Okay!" With renewed energy, he starts to lead them doubling back through the second living room. 

Only to stop, mid-way across. "Minho?"

Chan almost does a double take. At first, he's not sure what Hyunjin is talking about, but sure enough, one of the sofas has been slightly pushed forwards. It's created a space just large enough for a child to hide behind, and that's exactly what's happened. The very top of Minho's head peeks out from behind the cushions.

He's looking at Felix with curiosity. He doesn't want to show it - that's probably why he's hiding behind the sofa in the first place - but his eyes betray him. Although the rest of his face is screwed up in contempt, his eyes are just as bright as usual.

"That's Minho!" Hyunjin says, immediately rushing over to Minho's sofa and throwing himself on the cushions. "He's the oldest, so he knows a lot more than even Daddy!"

Chan's not quite sure how true that is, but he relays it to Felix anyway.

"You're sleeping in Minho's room at the moment," Hyunjin continues, "And it's got the biggest windows, so you can see the sheep if you look _really_ hard. And sometimes they have lambs, and they're so, so cute! But I'm not allowed to have one, so I just look outside and pretend Jeongin is a lamb sometimes."

Minho doesn't look so pleased at Hyunjin's description. He'd speaking before Chan has finished translating for Felix, and his tone is cold. "Don't be silly, Hyunjin. Felix will be gone before the lambs are born."

Chan trails off, hoping Felix doesn't notice he'd left a sentence unfinished. He'd noticed that Minho was acting strangely since they'd entered, but this is something else entirely.

He sounds like he genuinely means what he'd said. Even if it was just calling Hyunjin 'silly', it's still more than he'd usually let _anyone_ say to one of his brothers. And the fact that he's wedged himself behind the sofa as well - it just doesn't make sense. Was he trying to hide? Did he not want to be introduced to Felix?

Either way, this can't end well if he doesn't do something now.

Making a mental note to talk to Minho later, Chan clears his throat, "Well, looks like it's only Jisung left to introduce! How about we try and find him, hmm?"

He's ignored.

"You don't know that," Hyunjin says, crossing his arms. " _I_ think he's gonna stay forever!"

"Then you're the only one." With that, Minho's head disappears back behind the sofa. Chan has no idea what he's even doing back there, but he can't help noticing how the edge is slightly pushed back. As he shepherds Felix and Hyunjin out of the room, trying to distract them with places Jisung might be, he can just about make out a pair of eyes watching him. 

Despite his big talk, Minho's just as curious as the rest of them. Chan has no idea where all this aggression has come from, but it can't be allowed to fester. It's strange. Although they've had rough patches when introducing kids before, Minho's never reacted like this. 

Hyunjin's tour doesn't continue with the same amount of excitement.

They walk back through the hallway, down past the bathroom on the ground floor, and loop around again. Each and every room is pointed out, with Hyunjin checking to see if Jisung could be there. Eventually, Chan has to step in. He can hear Jisung's voice coming from the top of the stairs, very muffled from the well-known problem of trying to speak around a toothbrush.

Apparently _all_ the kids are trying to be helpful today. Jisung doesn't usually brush his teeth by himself.

"The upstairs bathroom?" Hyunjin says when Chan suggests it, wrinkling his nose. He obviously missed the sound of Jisung talking to himself. "Why would Sungie be there?"

"We've checked everywhere downstairs," Chan reminds him. They have - _twice_. He'd heard Jeongin getting ready when he'd first come downstairs with Felix, so it's definitely bathroom time. Minho and Jisung were probably brushing their teeth, that's why Minho had only appeared after they'd seen the rest of the kids drawing. "Besides, wouldn't you like to show Felix your bedroom? I'm sure he'd be very impressed."

"Okay!"

Quick as ever, Hyunjin forgets about everything Minho said. He takes Felix's hand and scrambles up the stairs. Neither of the boys hold onto the bannister, but Chan decides not to mention it. He's right behind them to catch them if they fall, and he doesn't want to ruin the mood again.

Hyunjin opens the stairgate with relative ease. He pulls Felix up behind him, and together they push it closed after Chan also reaches the landing. It gives them enough time to notice Jisung's voice, and Hyunjin's face lights up.

"Sungie's here!"

The bathroom Jisung is in is the one nearer to the stairs. It's tucked behind the corner of the wall, blocking the view of the inside from where they're currently standing. "This is the _other_ other bathroom," Hyunjin says as they make their way to the door, "It's where we brush our teeth and wash our faces. But not bath, because there's a nicer bath in the downstairs bathroom."

Sure enough, when he pushes the door open, Jisung has noticed their presence. 

He washes off his toothbrush, and Chan steps into the room, grabbing a soft flannel ready for him to wipe his mouth. 

"I thought you were gonna sleep forever," Jisung says, grabbing the flannel and wiping his face roughly. "I thought you were gonna be Sleepin' Beauty." He pauses before handing Chan the flannel back, turning his head in his direction for confirmation he's gotten all the toothpaste off.

"You're fine," Chan says, before the realisation of what Jisung had said sinks in. "Hey! I didn't sleep for _that_ long!"

He did need that extra rest. He hadn't even realised how exhausted he must have been from all the worrying and stress yesterday, and the fact that the kids had managed not to wake him up earlier than they did is a miracle all in itself. Of course, they had woken him up eventually, but it was the thought that counted. And that's all that mattered.

"This is Jisung!" Hyunjin exclaims before Jisung can reply again. Whatever Jisung was going to say has immediately been forgotten. He hadn't realised Felix was with them, and now that it's been brought to his attention, he's already vibrating with enthusiasm. He almost knocks the pot for his toothbrush off the shelf in his haste, and is trying to get down from the sink before it's even left his hand.

"Hold on," Chan leans over and tries to pick the five-year-old. He'd managed to spill water onto the floor at some point during his tooth-brushing session. Chan eventually manages to put him down somewhere clean, but it's not an easy job, as Jisung manages to struggle and squirm the entire time, screwing his face up in a way that's incredibly unhelpful.

As soon as his feet touch the ground, Jisung is off. He makes his way over to Felix with alarming accuracy, since Felix hasn't said a word the entire time they've been there.

Felix looks up at Chan with terror on his face again. Chan can't blame him; Jisung looks like a tiny cannonball at this angle, completely determined on reaching his goal. And Felix probably wasn't expecting him to have that much precision, either. People that don't know Jisung are almost always underestimating him, when in reality he's just as able as any of their other kids.

Chan smiles back at him, crouching down to get to the boys' levels. He can already guess what's coming next. They've tried to get him out of this habit, to no avail. _"It's okay. Jisung relies on feeling things with his hands."_

As predicted, Jisung is bounding over with his fingers outstretched. Chan grabs his head when he gets near enough, rubbing circles into his scalp with his thumb. "Remember to ask first, Sungie," he says. It's endearing enough to most people; at five years old, Jisung is just as likely to forget his manners as much as any other kid. 

The fact that he goes to a specialised school certainly hasn't helped with the issue. Chan had been told that it was mostly a phase, something blind adults were portrayed as doing in the media, but rarely actually happened. There'd been a lot of misconceptions like that, actually.

It had been explained to them that Jisung was mostly still trying to figure out distinctive features. The action would be limited to their household as he grew up and learnt what was socially acceptable. By the time he'd finish the specialised elementary school, and hopefully be able to attend the same middle school as his brothers, he'd have completely grown out of it. 

He probably just recognises Felix as family. There's a strange child in the house, Chan hasn't had the _best_ track record with giving kids back to foster houses after they've stepped through the front door. But Felix still looks pretty scared, and Chan knows how important it is to enforce rules about permission.

"Can I?" says Jisung, "Can I touch?"

He's speaking at Felix, who has no idea what he's saying. Probably still freaked out by Jisung's eyes, especially now they're so close, and intimidated by the hands reaching out for him. Felix's look at Chan for help is more of a plea.

"He wants to touch your face!" Hyunjin pipes up unhelpfully. He's still speaking in Korean. Felix still doesn't understand Korean.

At least he's trying, Chan supposes. _"Jisung is asking if he can touch your face."_

Felix frowns, _"My face?"_

_"He can't see what you look like, but he can feel your features. It helps him get to know people."_

_"Will it hurt?"_ His hands have gone up to his face instinctively, patting over his tiny cheeks like he's checking they're still there. He avoids the cut on his forehead altogether, something that Chan can't help but frown about.

Chan still hasn't stopped running his hands through Jisung's hair. " _It won't hurt,"_ he says, _"Sungie is very gentle. He'll avoid your forehead if you ask him. You can even hold his wrist to make sure, if you'd like."_

Felix narrows his eyes, thinking it over. It doesn't take long before he's made his kind up. " _Okay."_

"Felix has a cut on his forehead that he'd like you to avoid," Chan says, finally releasing his grip on Jisung's hair. "But as long as you're gentle and he gets to hold your wrist, he says it's okay."

Jisung beams back at him. He reaches out his hand in Felix's direction, and when Chan gestures for Felix to take it, he lets the younger boy guide his fingers up to his face. 

Felix, surprisingly, doesn't even flinch. He lets Jisung's hands wander delicately across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, fluttering his eyelids when his thumbs get a little too close. The rest of his body stays completely still until Jisung's finally pulling back, nodding his head to himself. 

"Jisung?" Chan reminds him softly.

Jisung grins again. "Thank you!" he says, although he's now staring down at the floor. Felix might not even be able to see the smile on his face from his position. Chan reaches down and lifts Jisung's chin gently, setting him back into making eye-contact without saying a single word. 

It might seem cruel, but it's what they've been told is the best. Although eye-contact might seem pointless to the five-year-old at the moment, forming the habit is invaluable for his future. He might not be able to see anyone else, but they can still see him. 

"Thank you," Felix repeats. That adds another word onto the list of what he understands. He looks at Jisung and smiles, and then turns to Hyunjin as well. "Thank you."

There's a pause. Hyunjin grins back, showing off all of his tiny teeth, but Felix has already turned back around. He looks at Chan. His smile is a little more uncertain, but a whole lot more real. He looks so tiny standing there on the floor, even though he's got to be a similar size to Jisung. 

_"Thank you."_


	7. Chapter Seven

Chan's heart stops beating for a second.

His mind goes blank and his body decides to work on autopilot. The cut on Felix's forehead has been bothering him, and so he makes his way over to the medicine cabinet, searching for something suitable. He'd read Felix's file from back to front last night. A soothing cream for the wound is long overdue.

"Hold on." Chan's glad that everyone else has stopped moving so much, and uses it as a chance to lean over. His voice is soft. Hopefully Felix doesn't question what he's putting on his forehead. As far as it can be, his voice is completely unthreatening in every single way.]

It's only after he's spoken that he realises it hadn't been in English. The shock has completely blown the functional part of his mind away, and he's glad that Felix hasn't asked him to translate. He's not sure if he could right now, even if he had to. His mouth has completely dried up. All that's left is the ringing in his ears, Felix's words still echoing in his head amongst the otherwise silent bathroom.

Felix's eyes widen slightly, but he doesn't try to squirm or move away. Jisung shuffles to the side in order to make room, and Chan kneels down in front of the Australian boy, cool hands on either side of his face. Slowly, he holds out the bottle of cream. 

Chan takes a deep breath, forcing his thoughts to make sense.

" _It'll make your head feel better,_ " he says once he can speak again, delicate as ever. " _See? No more hurting._ "

Felix nods his head slowly.

 _"Good._ " Chan smiles. He unscrews the lid, dips a single finger in and presses it to Felix's forehead. There's the slight wince of pain as Chan's fingers brush across the sore area. But he doesn't cry out. Even if he doesn't understand why Chan's eyes are suddenly so red, Felix stands perfectly still, allowing his soothing touch to press against the cut. " _No more hurting._ "

It's only when he draws back, returning the cream to its original place on the bathroom shelf that Felix says something.

" _It stings._ " 

Chan smiles apologetically, hoping that his voice doesn't sound too strained when he speaks again It's like he's floating still, slightly disconnected from the rest of the world. But what's the point of being thanked if he then can't help the very same person that thanked him?

 _"It should help soothe your cut,"_ he says, dragging his fingertips across his own forehead. Somehow, his half-concious words from earlier refuse to leave his mind. _"No more hurting."_

It's a pity they don't have any soothing cream for his heart.

Felix nods. He glances upwards, as if trying to see his own forehead, and then promptly gives up. _"Okay. It didn't hurt that much anyway, though."_

_"I'm sure it didn't."_

Yeah, right. The way Felix had flinched earlier was definitely not the sign of a cut that didn't hurt. It's more likely that he didn't want to be seen as weak. The whole 'boys don't cry' idea probably hasn't escaped him, and despite Chan showing the kids that it's more than okay to show emotion, Felix hasn't had that luxury. 

Hyunjin still seems pretty impressed, though.

"Wow!" He says, still hanging off the doorframe. The bathroom isn't big enough for all five of them, so he's been dancing around the doorway for the past few minutes. "Felix, you're so brave! One time I grazed my knee and it hurt so much that I didn't stop crying for _hours_. Daddy had to give me like, three emergency biscuits!"

Chan narrows his eyes at Hyunjin.

He remembers that incident very clearly. Although Hyunjin hadn't _actually_ cried for hours, it had certainly felt like it. At the time he had thought it was suspicious, he'd given Hyunjin _one_ biscuit, left the room to find Seungmin somewhere quieter and as soon as he'd returned, it was like Hyunjin had never even fallen over in the first place. Maybe he should have realised there was some sort of theivery involving biscuits going on sooner. 

Hyunjin only smiles back, looking just as angelic as ever. He closes the cabinet door, "Daddy, I know I'm doin' the tour, but can I say something?"

That catches the attention of the other kids, who all immediately stop what they were doing. Felix squints up at them suspiciously - despite not even knowing what Hyunjin had said - and even Jisung screws up his face in what Chan assumes is supposed to be thinking.

"Sure, baby."

Hyunjin looks around, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "Alone?"

Oh.

That's different. Chan nods slowly, sizing Hyunjin up and working out what he could possibly want to say. "That's fine," he eventually says, "Will it take long?"

It sounds a little harsh, but it's cruel to leave Felix to the metaphorical wolves. Jisung is the only child nearby, and Chan's already seen how exitable he'd become upon seeing Felix. For now, it's safer to have most interactions supervised, just so Felix doesn't get overwhelmed.

Of course, both Jisung and Felix won't actually want to leave. He can't say for sure about Felix, but Jisung is so nosy that even if Chan shuts the door to have a little more privacy, he can guarantee he'll find them all with their ears pressed up against the wood. 

Hyunjin always surprises Chan with his maturity. If it were just Jisung, Hyunjin would have thrown him out of the bathroom without a second thought for some privacy. He's only asking because of Felix. He wants to know if they can talk - about who knows what- or whether Felix doesn't want to leave Chan yet.

Of course, Hyunjin has probably been in this situation a hundred times before. Chan has no idea how many different foster homes he's lived at, but the list in his folder is double-sided.

About half an hour ago, Chan would have said no. But... He looks down at Felix. Already, he's gotten distracted. Chan has left the silence too long, his conversation with Hyunjin has words that he doesn't quite understand, and the way Jisung's dancing in the doorframe is much more interesting. Felix looks like he'd like to join in. Maybe this is his chance.

If he can mention something now, while they're distracted...

" _How about colouring?_ "

Just like that, Chan has their attention all over again. Felix had joined in with Jisung, but at this his ears perk up. " _Colouring?_ " He comes crashing to a halt, leaving Jisung dancing on his own a little-ways behind him. _"I want to colour!"_

 _"Really?"_ Chan asks, pretending that the possibility had never even crossed his mind. " _Changbin and Jeongin will still be there - you met them earlier, remember? - so all the crayons and paper should be out already."_

Jisung leans into the conversation before Felix can reply. "Wha's going on? What are we doing?"

"I was just asking if Felix would like to colour," Chan says. "You could even get out the play-doh if you'd like." The way Jisung's face lights up is all the answer that he needs. The five-year-old may not be able to see the colours, but the texture of play-doh is one of his favourites in the world. Chan can't remember how many times he'd had to stop Jisung from trying to eat it when he'd been younger.

Felix looks over to Jisung. The short break from Chan's attention seems to have made him more unsure. _"We're drawin' properly?"_

_"Only if you want to."_

Felix thinks about it for a second. He's still wearing his pyjamas, Chan thinks, and he hasn't had the chance to brush his teeth or anything. He might even need a bath, if he wasn't provided one at the hospital. But none of these problems seem to affect the boy, who simply grins after making up his mind, _"Okay. I like drawin'."_

"That's a yes, right?" Jisung asks, "He said yes, right? Can we go and play now, Daddy?"

He's finally stopped dancing, and makes his way around to Felix's other side. He takes his hand without a second thought. A brief look of surprise passes across Felix's face, but it's gone before Chan can ask Jisung to give him more space. In fact, it looks a lot like Felix grips Jisung's hand back just as hard. 

"He did say yes."

Jisung whoops in excitement, practically throwing himself out of the door before Chan even has the chance to say anything else, pulling Felix behind him.

The murmur of their conversation is just quiet enough that Chan can't make out what they're saying. He knows Jisung doesn't speak much - in fact, he doesn't speak any - English, and Felix's limited Korean skills certainly aren't good enough to hold a conversation. And yet, despite that obvious fact, the two boys are seemingly getting along just fine. 

Chan's still staring in disbelief as they make their way out of sight. 

The door shuts behind them. Chan listens as the two pairs of footsteps make their way down the stairs. The sound of their voices slowly get further and further away. It's only when they can't hear anything more than Hyunjin tugs at Chan's hand. Chan pulls him to sit on the edge of the bathtub, and the two of them end up sitting side-by-side, staring at the closed door.

Chan turns to Hyunjin, who's nibbling on his bottom lip. "Jinnie? What were you going to say to me?"

Hyunjin turns to look at him, and his eyes are wide and dark. "I know this is stupid, but is Felix stayin'? Usually the ones like me go quickly..."

He trails off. 'Ones like me' has a heart-wrenchingly obvious meaning. In Hyunjin's mind, this is just another house in a long line of foster homes. He's been here for a lot longer than any of the others, of course, and he knows that Chan is looking into formally adopting him, but that doesn't mean much to a five-year-old. Especially not when compared to years of his own experience.

'Ones like me' means children that are still young enough to be 'wanted' by adoptive parents.

"I don't know for how long he'll be with us." Chan says. He's not about to outright lie to Hyunjin, not when it could cause so much pain in the future. Chan's learnt the hard way that the truth is what the kids want, no matter how horrible it may be. Most of them are used to it, in a way. "He's from Australia, and so that's where he wants to live. He's just going to stay here while Yellow Wood find his family."

Hyunjin frowns. "He has family?"

Chan nods.

This is getting to dangerous territory. Hyunjin is a curious child by nature, and this line of questions is slowly edging closer to Felix's personal life. Chan isn't surprised when Hyunjin's next quiestion is: "What happened?"

It's hard not to hesitate. The car crash is something that's still fresh and raw in Felix's mind, and it's certainly not suitable for a normal five-year-old's ears. But Hyunjin isn't a normal five-year-old. He's asking because he's seen this so many times before. Sob stories are exchanged all the time in foster homes, so much so that Hyunjin is completely immune to the tragedy of it all. He's asking because he wants to know what to avoid mentioning, how to help Felix if he gets upset or whether he should just go straight to Chan.

"Well."

"Well?"

There hadn't been that much in Felix's file, really. As far as Chan could tell, he'd been a completely ordinary kid. "Do you remember when it was foggy?" He wiats until Hyunjin nods, "Well, Felix's family got into a car crash because they couldn't see the road very well. He was the only one to survive."

"No cars," says Hyunjin, by way of agreement. Chan knows that if he were to check the boxes of toys downstairs later that day, he'd find that all the toy cars would have disappeared.

"Felix also had two sisters. One older, one younger."

That makes Hyunjin's face flicker with emotion. He sags slightly, kicking his heels against the plastic of the bath tub. "Tha's sad."

Chan knows that all too well. If Felix is only five, how old must his sisters have been? He was more alone than he'd originally thought, dealing with even more loss than he'd dreaded. Chan's heart had dropped when he'd first read it. He's suddenly glad that he decided to sit down, just in case Hyunjin had the same reaction. His hand makes its way over to Hyunjin's, taking each one of his fingers and gripping them gently. "It's horrible."

Felix is so young, and his life's never going to be the same again. There's nothing he can do about that, he can't change the past. But he so wishes that he could.

He's just got to work towards the future.

There's nothing he can do for Felix's family. It's the same phrase he'd told his sister all those years ago, when he'd first held baby Minho in his hands. As long as they keep looking up, as long as there's still a future in sight, then they can hold onto as much hope as possible. 

"How long will he be here?" Hyunjin asks again. This time the question is phrased differently. This time Hyunjin seems to much older than he actually is.

"There's no one else mentioned in his file. At all. They're not just trying to contact his family back in Australia, they're trying to _find_ them. Jihyo said it would take a week, maybe longer." Chan can remember Jihyo's face as she'd told him. She'd known they were still searching for someone - _any_ one - who was viable for custody of Felix. 

"It's definitely going to be longer," Hyunjin says, and Chan suddenly remembers that Hyunjin is almost an expert on this, "If they couldn't find anyone while he was in the hospital, then his parents pro'lly didn't make notes on it or anything."

"You're right."

They sit in silence for a few moments, just trying to take it all in. 'You're right' seems like a bit of an understatement. Hyunjin is most likely spot on.

Chan goes through the rest of the file in his mind, mentally reviewing what he should know off the top of his head.

Health? Felix hadn't seemed to have any allergies as far as he could see. Chan wouldn't be feeding him anything too different to his normal diet, but he should keep an eye out just in case. He definitely didn't want another hospital visit any time soon.

At that thought, his mind was already wandering. He'd gotten caught on the thought of Felix and the other kids, reminding him of something else he'd been meaning to think over.

Minho, and the way he was acting up that morning.

He'd seemed fine when he was eating breakfast, but the issue in the living room had been concerning. Chan had a pretty good idea why he was acting that way, unfortunately. They've had this before, never to this extreme, but Minho'd always felt slightly out of place. It never usually lasted long, brought on by the arrival of yet another kid, and he hadn't expressed anything towards Hyunjin and Changbin, so Chan had assumed he'd grown out of it. 

He's seemed... really cold, towards Felix. The same way he was towards Jisung and Jeongin at first. He hadn't said anything _too_ bad - Chan wouldn't have let him get that far - but but he was still glad that Felix didn't understand it. Chan just hoped that it wouldn't last.

Minho had gotten through this before, he reminded himself. It took a while before he warmed up to Jisung and Jeongin. And now when Chan looked at them, they were practically best friends! He can talk to Minho about this later, try and work out why he was feeling out of place. It wouldn't be an issue.

Minho was his our baby. He was the first kid, and he always would be. But Chan also didn't want him to make Felix feel like the house couldn't be a home for him as well.

As much as it might be hurting Minho, Chan couldn't sacrifice Felix's progress for him. It hurts to admit, but he can't make everything right all at once. The best he can do is to have a conversation with Minho later. He can try and work out why he's acting so cold, but if he refuses to tell him, there's not much more he can do. 

"What about school?"

Hyunjin's sudden question startles Chan out of his thoughts. "What about school?"

"Is Felix comin' to my school?"

Chan's mind reels. He's pretty sure Australia has the same terms as Korea. If it takes at least a week until they can find somewhere to send Felix back to, then what's he going to do until then? It's Thursday now. Term starts on Monday.

He hadn't even _thought_ of school.

"I'm not sure." Chan admits. It's true. With all that was going on, he hadn't even had the chance to think about school for the rest of the kids, let alone Felix. He couldn't exactly send him to a school here. It would be too disruptive, and he barely spoke the language.There hadn't been any information in his file about education, either.

"Will he stay with you? That's sooo lucky."

"I guess." Chan has never been so glad to be a stay-at-home dad. He'd given up his job when he'd first adopted Minho, deciding that producing songs would be just as easy at home with the proper equipment, and never looked back. It was certainly difficult to provide for his kids without a stable income, but the was no denying the fact that his parents were _loaded_. They were more than happy to fund Chan's ever growing collection of children.

Besides, he might even be able to teach Felix some Korean while it was just them. Even if he wasn't not here for long, it would help him communicate with the kids.

Hyunjin jumps up from the side of the bathtub, stretching out his legs. It doesn't make a particularly comfortable seat. He crosses the room once his legs have stopped aching so much, and opens the door slightly. It signals that Hyunjin's grown bored of the conversation, and is moving onto more exciting things.

"Going to join in the colouring?"

"Come with me to the play room?" Hyunjin asks right back.

He doesn't need to think about it for more than a second. Chan stands up as well. As he crosses the room, he holds out his hand, and Hyunjin takes it without any hesitation.

Felix will be fine, he tells himself. It'll all be okay.

From here, now that the door is open, they can hear shrieks coming from downstairs. It's passed 8:30, so Seungmin's programme must have finished, leaving all six kids alone unsupervised. Chan's heart sinks.

He's just about to run down the stairs when he listens a little closer. The shrieks, they don't seem to be in pain, or anger, or sadness, or- They don't seem to be shrieks at all. As he stands and listens, he can make out laughter. 

Seungmin's voice travels bright and clear through the house, yelling something about the 'best shade of blue'. Jeongin's giggles are more like the sound of a dolphin than anything else, punctuating almost every word that Seungmin says. He can't make out the distinct sound of any of the other kids, but there's a general hum of noise that seems to radiate energy.

"They're having fun!" Hyunjin says, tugging Chan's hand. "Come on!"

They've having 'chaos', is what Chan wants to reply. But he lets Hyunjin pull him down the stairs, and the weak smile on his face only grows stronger by the second.

It'll be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is literally just filler, sorry  
> I decided to split my original plan for this chapter into two halves, and this one ended up being mostly dialogue whoops


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did someone say: lee minho

The rest of the day passes with surprising speed. Felix seems to settle in well. Hyunjin and Jisung seem to take it in turns to hang off of him, although Chan has a sneaking suspicion that Felix is following them around with as much curiosity as they have towards him. 

He also gets along well with Changbin, to Chan's amusement.

Changbin, being the newest member of the household before Felix, has only been here himself for a couple of months. In that time, although he was becoming bolder and brighter with every day, he was still mostly keeping himself to himself. It was always bound to be a slow process, so Chan wasn't too concerned with how slowly he was settling in. But Felix has seemed to make him light up, in a way.

And before Chan knows it, the evening has settled.

"Night night, Gyu." Minho presses the head of each of his cat plushies to Gyu, making sure that the soft toys don't slip from his arms when he leans over. Soonie is dangling pretty dangerously from his left arm, but Minho's squeezing the toys to his chest so tightly that there's no chance of her falling.

Changbin lets Minho finish making Dori give the snorlax plushie a kiss to the forehead, before pulling Gyu closer to himself. "Good night, Soonie and Doongie and Dori."

It's tooth-rottingly cute.

Chan stands by the door and watches. He's seen this part of their routine every single day since Changbin was fostered, and it's never become any less cute. He still, even now, can't stop the fond smile from spreading across his face.

Gyu is Changbin's soft toy from before he'd arrived at Chan's house. From what he'd gathered, he must have been given it by his Mother. Probably when he was still a baby, before her issues got worse. Chan can hardly imagine Changbin being gifted _anything_ with the state his mother had been in when he'd been taken by child protection services.

Gyu certainly looks old and ragged enough to play the part. The fabric of the snorlax toy is faded, feet covered in nibble marks from when Changbin was really young. There's a large stain on its back that simply won't come out, no matter how many different brands of laundry tablets he buys.

In fact, the poor toy was is such a state that when Changbin was being relocated, the workers assigned to his case had almost thrown it out. Chan couldn't blame them - after so many years of rough love, Gyu was indistinguishable from rags at some angles. There had been a huge tear across the stomach that was practically beyond saving. It was only after Changbin had almost screamed the building down that they'd been reunited.

The first thing Chan had done when Changbin had arrived was get a sewing kit out. As Changbin watched, never more than a metre away from his beloved toy, he'd sewn a small patch over the rip.

" 'night, Minho," Changbin says. His voice is slightly muffled from the duvet, and he's holding Gyu to his cheek, rubbing his face slightly on the soft fabric. It's an obvious sign of how tired he is.

"Good night Binnie," Minho replies. He adjusts how he's holding his cat plushies, standing up from Changbin's bed.

In complete contrast to Changbin and Gyu, Chan isn't quite sure where Minho's cat plushies are actually from. Soonie, the one he's had for the longest, seemingly just appeared one day. It was probably given as a gift from family or friends. One toy among many. Too this day, Chan has no idea why Minho picked Soonie from the hundreds of other toys he was given, but he's glad that he did.

The other two cat plushies aren't quite as mysterious. Doongie, the next of the three, was actually from a second-hand shop. It had been sat in the corner of the store, slightly too off-colour and ragged to be displayed properly, but Minho had fallen in love straight away. Dori, the third and final toy, was a gift from Santa last year.

"You ready?" Chan asks when Minho comes up to his side. Changbin has already been swallowed up by his sheets, so even if Minho wasn't ready to leave, Chan wouldn't exactly give him the choice.

Thankfully, Minho nods. "Bedtime, I think," he agrees, "It has been a _very_ exhausting day."

Chan takes him by the hand. Together, they shut the door to Changbin's room and start the journey upstairs. As they're making their way up, the light in Hyunjin and Jisung's room flickers off. Story time must have just finished for them as well. Seungmin's door is already shut, Chan having put him to bed before the others, as is Felix's.

Chan hesitates outside. Minho pushes past him, eager to get onto the landing properly and jump onto his bed, and Chan simply lets himself be moved out of the way.

Should he check on Felix?

He'd put him to bed earlier than the rest of the kids tonight as well. Even though he'd had quite a long sleep last night, the bags under his eyes were still nowhere near disappearing. It must have been an exhausting day for him, as well. So many new faces and names to remember, Chan can't even imagine how overwhelmed he must have been feeling.

Should he check up on him?

Chan looks back to Felix's door, asking himself the question all over again. He's not sure whether it would be the right thing to do. He just wanted to check that he was okay, but...

Felix was he's probably fine. Chan's eyes fixate on the door handle. The low light of the corridor causes it to gleam, matching the silver of Chan's ring as he rests his hand on the metal. Felix was sleeping. There was no need to check up on him. And even if he wasn't then Chan didn't want to intrude on his privacy.

But, at the same time, Felix is five. He doesn't know the meaning of privacy. What if was just too scared to reach out? What if he was in there all alone, waiting for someone to come?

And what if he wasn't?

Before Chan can persuade himself out of it, he presses down on the handle. The door opens slightly. It's only a fraction of an inch, and the gap is too small for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but-

There's breathing.

Slow, heavy breaths. The sound of a child dreaming, deeply breathing in perfect rhythm, coming from Felix's bed. Chan's busted enough 'late night games' parties to know when a child is faking being asleep. And Felix certainly isn't.

He shuts the door again, heart pounding. Felix was fine. There were more important things to worry about, like not keeping Minho waiting for too long. 

Chan crosses the corridor and tries to sort out his thoughts. Minho is waiting for him, and they should talk before it gets too late. He doesn't want to have to deal with a tired seven-year-old tomorrow.

He walks alone all the way to their bedroom. The door is already open. It reveals Minho, sat on Chan's bed. He's in his pyjamas, all ready for bed. Even Soonie, Doongie and Dori are all tucked up under the duvet of the camping bed. Minho must have been waiting for him to come and tuck him in.

He looks from from the door to Chan, and then back again. Even though Chan hasn't even started the conversation, he's already shrinking in on himself. His hands are balled into tiny fists, lips set into a determined pout, but his voice is shaking when he says "Am I in trouble?"

"You're not in trouble," Chan says, trying to reassure him. It's not particularly effective - since Minho doesn't seem to believe him in the slightest. He gets a frown in return, and his pout extends even more than ever. "You're not in trouble. We just want to talk for a bit."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he could have phrased it better. Minho's eyes go wide with panic. He shifts in his seat, looking between them with a new and frenzied panic. "That means I'm in trouble! I know it!"

"You're no-" Chan starts, reaching out to Minho in comfort. Minho shuffles further away, scooting further up the mattress until he's centred himself. This doesn't off-put Chan in the slightest. He follows Minho's actions, perching on the side of the bedsheets. He's in a good position here, bwteen Minho and the door. Although he doesn't like to even consider the notion, there is a good chance Minho's going to try and escape if he thinks he's in trouble.

"I am! You never come and talk to me with your face all scrunched up if I'm not in trouble!"

"Min-"

"I haven't even done anything!" Minho crosses his arms, but he hasn't moved from the centre of the bed. "It wasn't me! Jeongin was the one that threw the crayons at Hyunjin, but no one believed me 'cause he's too cute!"

Chan tries to hide his laugh. He covers his mouth with his hand, successfully hiding the giggle from Minho. "That's not what we're here to talk about," he says, "I didn't even know someone had been throwing things. We'll talk to Jeongin about that tomorrow. But for now, we just want to ask you a few questions."

Minho narrows his eyes at that. "Like what?"

"About Felix."

There's no point trying to skip around the topic for a while. Maybe if he was talking to Hyunjin or Jisung he'd ask some smaller questions first, get them more comfortable. But with Minho, there's no point trying to hide why he's really here. Minho's smart. He's perceptive. He can take things, and appreciate them, up front.

The very mention of Felix seems to clear things up for him. Minho's face goes through about three emotions in a single second, the realisation about why they're having this conversation finally sinking in.

"So, I _am_ in trouble," he says, and his voice has lost some of its shakiness. "Because I said I didn't want him to stay with us. It's true, and I'm not changing my mind, and you can't make me."

"I'm not trying to make you change your mind," Chan says. He inches himself closer to Minho, but the seven-year-old mimics his action. Just like that, Minho is now sat on the edge of the duvet, on the opposite side to him. Chan moves to follow him, abandoning his previous worries. Now that he's introduced the topic, there's no chance that Minho'll try to escape. He's much too curious for that. "I just want to know why."

Minho frowns. "Why? Why _what?_ "

"There's got to be a reason you don't want Felix here," Chan says. "And as much as I want Felix to feel safe, that doesn't mean I'm going to forget all about _you_. If you let me know what's wrong, I can try to make things better."

There's no reply. Minho stares at the ground with even more intensity, but Chan can see he's beginning to wear him down. 

"Please?"

"You promise I'm not gonna get in trouble?" Minho asks, when he finally looks up. He shifts in his seat, all the ferocity from earlier disappearing. 

Chan frowns. "Of course. You can't get in trouble for feeling a certain way, Min, your emotions are your own."

"So I wouldn't be in trouble for saying-" Minho pauses, testing the waters. He glances at Chan, shrinking into himself and dangling his legs off the side of the bed. His body is angled away from them, cheeks slightly pink with embarrassment. "- saying that I don't like Felix?"

That's... not what Chan was expecting. The two boys have barely known each other for a day, that's certainly not time enough for them to dislike each other. And Minho first started acting out this morning. That was the first time they'd met. It just didn't make sense.

"Of course not. But, if it's okay to ask, why don't you like Felix?"

"I just don't." Minho crosses his arms with the end of his sentence. It's a determined way to get the conversation finished, with Chan not willing to push further when Minho clearly isn't in the mood. 

But, after a few moments of silence, Minho looks up again. He seems torn between wanting to say something and keeping his mouth shut. Eventually, he speaks up, "I really won't be in trouble? For saying _anything_?"

"You can say whatever you like, Min. Let it all out."

Minho's bottom lip wobbles. "Is Felix really going to replace me?"

And suddenly, everything seems to make a little more sense. Chan tries to school his expression out of one of concern, not quite sure how to react. Why would Minho think that he'd be replaced by Felix? There's a cold slither of metal in Chan's chest, a familiar sinking feeling. Does Minho really not know how much he means to him? 

"Why would you think that?" He eventually manages to splutter out, horror lacing his features. "Of course not. Of _course_ not."

"Really?" says Minho, and his lip trembles with every syllable. "C-cause what if you get bored of me? And Felix is littler and cuter and what if you decide you don't like me one day?"

"I could never get bored of you. Why would you even consider that?" Chan's hands have balled into fists. "Min, you're my baby, and you always will be."

"You promise?"

"Minho..." Chan voice trails off.

Minho stares pointedly down at the floor. His tiny body is shaking slightly. It breaks Chan's heart into thousands of pieces, shattering like broken glass. All he wants to do is to hold his baby tight, hold him to his chest and never let him go. But he holds himself back, waiting for Minho to reply, to say anything else at all.

He doesn't, and Chan breaks.

"Minho, sweetheart, come here."

And just like that, Minho is flying across the duvet.

He practically barrels into Chan's chest, knocking him down onto the soft covers and burying his face in the crook of his neck. The shaking of his body grows in strength, until he's finally sobbing freely into Chan's shoulder.

He's so small.

Chan is always taken aback by how small the kids are. They seem so fragile, so soft and delicate and _tiny_ that Chan just wants to wrap them up and never let them go. Minho is the oldest of the kids. He'll always be his oldest, and with everything else going on, it's so easy to forget that he's just a child as well.

He's seven years old. He's just a child, and no matter how old he gets, he'll always be Chan's baby, his very first child.

"You promise?" Minho sobs, stumbling over his words. The syllables slur into each other. He sounds so tired, so young, and Chan's heart shatters further with every sob that leaves his mouth. "You promise, Daddy? You promise?"

"Of course," says Chan, and his own voice sounds just as broken as Minho's. "I could never replace you, Min. Never."

The world seems to have faded out. There are no more thoughts of Felix, or of Hyunjin and Jisung in the next room, or of Seungmin, Jeongin and Changbin all sleeping peacefully.

All that's left is Minho.

Minho looks up from Chan's shoulder, looking him in the eyes. There are deep frown lines seared into his forehead, his cheeks are red from the force of his sobs and his shoulders won't stop shaking. His eyes are almost glassy in the low light of the bedroom. Chan's breath hitches in his throat all over again.

"Da-" Minho manages to say, before he's interrupted by another sob. His face is still mostly obscured by his hair, so Chan brushes it off his forehead. Minho looks Chan right in the eyes. " _Daddy._ "

And Chan doesn't even need to ask what Minho wants. As soon as they'd made eye contact, Chan knows all he could ever need to about how Minho's feeling at that very moment. There doesn't need to be any words exchanged. Minho's eyes say everything, a silent plea for every last inch of comfort he can receive.

When their eyes meet, Chan knows what he has to do.

He wraps a single arm around Minho a little tighter, and uses to other to pull up the soft sheets around them. The bed dips from the combined weight of the two of them, but that doesn't stop him. Slowly, softly, Chan wraps his arms around Minho. He pulls closer, trapping Minho in-between his arms..

He's safe, here. In Chan's , Minho has never been safer. His sobs begin to dry out, the tear tracks down his cheeks coming to a slow stop. The misery fades to exhaustion. His head, once held so high and prideful, rests back in the crook of Chan's neck. His eyelids flutter shut as his last few sobs become nothing more than whimpers. 

"I promise," Chan says, even if he's talking more to himself than anyone else. "You'll always be our little Min, you know that. I _promise_."

"Promise," Minho repeats. His face is pressed into Chan's shirt, muffling his voice pretty effectively. Chan reaches out, rubbing his hand up and down Minho's back slowly. His fingers tangle in the hair at the base of his head, petting him like one of his well-loved cat plushies.

They used to do this when he was just a baby, the two of them. The house was a lot emptier back then. Chan can't remember the last time he was alone with just Minho.

"Min," he says, not daring to stop moving his hand even for a second, "How would you like to sleep in my bed tonight? As a treat."

The movement of Minho's nod is so tiny that it's almost swallowed up by his chest. His hands cling onto Chan's shirt like a lifeline. 

He whimpers again when Chan pulls away slightly, pulling his own head back by a fraction of an inch just to stare at him with puppy-dog eyes. "I'm coming back, baby." Chan hurries to reassure him. While it may be pretty early in the evening still, he's still as exhausted as he'd been last night. He puts Minho down amongst the covers, grabbing the closest one of his stuffed toys and pressing it to his chest.

While Minho is still distracted, Chan pulls on his pyjamas. There's a small sink in the corner of their bedroom, perfect for moments like this. There's not quite enough time for him to brush his teeth properly, so a swirl of mouthwash will have to do. 

"Here." Once he's completely ready for bed, he crosses the room again. Minho hasn't moved from their previous spot, but once he hears Chan's voice, he looks up. 

His face lights up.

It's amusing, since he's so tired. He can barely keep his eyes open, and his head lolls back onto the pillows despite his valiant efforts to hold it up himself. But a sleepy grin spreads over his face nonetheless.

"I think they missed you." Chan tucks the other two cats - Soonie and Dori - into Minho's arm, watching as the seven-year-old detaches himself from the tangle of bedsheets in order to cling onto the plushies. Soonie's head is buried in his armpit, but Chan doesn't have the heart to try and turn her around. 

Minho looks like he's never going to let them go again. " 'Missed them," he mumbles, but his voice is slurred beyond belief. Slowly, Chan tucks his arms around his tiny body. He carries him like a baby, cradling in his arms. Minho lies there limp, until he's made his way to the head of the bed.

Chan pulls the covers back. with some difficulty, he manages to maneuverer Minho into the very centre of the sheets. His head falls back into the gap between the pillows, but Chan is prepared. He grabs the one from Minho's bed and lifts his head up again, placing the soft fabric underneath him. By the time he's set Minho back down again, the seven-year-old is no longer responsive.

His chest moves up and down, tiny breaths for a tiny boy, the last of his sorrow bleeding away into sleep. Soonie, Doongie and Dori haven't been released from his death-grip. But his forehead is finally clear of worry-lines, and he's never looked more peaceful than when he's asleep.

"I promise," Chan says again. Minho isn't awake to hear him, but that hardly matters. "I can always promise you that, Min."


	9. Chapter Nine

Although Minho ends up falling asleep almost immediately, it's not that easy for Chan. He ends up staying awake longer than planned, thinking over everything he hasn't had the chance to catch up with. Chan almost doesn't realise that he's mumbling to himself, at one point. Luckily for him, Minho's always been a very deep sleeper.

It's strange. Felix's arrival has almost isolated Chan from the rest of the household. It's no surprise that Felix would take to him more than any of the kids, due to the obvious language barrier between the Australian boy and the rest of the family. But Chan wouldn't have imagined it to this extent. He's barely been able to speak to any one alone the entire _day_. And that's without even mentioning the non-existant time he has to himself.

He can never get a moment alone anyway, even before Felix, the six kids running around needed constant supervision. 

But still. Chan can't help missing being alone with his thoughts.

Chan's always been a bit of a night-owl. He stays awake, just thinking, well into the night, and still ends up being awoken by Minho at the crack of dawn anyway. The next couple of days all pass in a blur, settling into a routine with seven children instead of six. One more mouth to feat. One more body to wash. One more heart to love.

It's a miracle that the family make it all the way to the weekend without a major incident. 

Saturday passes just fine. The air is damp, the winter nowhere near over, and there's no snow in sight. It begins to rain, in the depressing way where Chan doesn't even need to look at the weather forecast to know it won't be ending any time soon. They spend the day indoors, with new craft scissors and coloured paper, and hope that the mountain of craft kits the kids had received for Christmas doesn't run out any time soon.

At one point, he attempts to get them to make a model solar system with the card. What actually ends up is Jeongin sticking his hand to the wall, while Changbin gets wrapped up in blue and green tissue paper by Seungmin. 'Earth', apparently, and Chan only just gets there in time to stop Seungmin taping a golf ball to his head. 

And even then, that's the only really memorable incident of the day. Nothing stands out much, nothing too important. Felix is becoming closer with most of the kids - with the exception of Minho, although even he doesn't seem quite as icy as before - but nothing ground-breaking.

So, when Chan, the afternoon of the next day, finishes folding the laundry only to be greeted with silence, he knows something is up.

The house is more than silent- it's suspiciously quiet. Chan's done a loop of the entire first floor, and managed to find absolutely no one. The bathrooms, the bedrooms, they're all empty and eerily silent. Even as he makes his way down the stairs, he can't hear the tell-tale shrieks of a game being played.

A quick glance in the lounge confirms that the television isn't on. The downstairs bathroom is abandoned as well. With every room he checks, Chan can't help but feel like the kids are conspiring against him. The fact that it's so, _so_ quiet means they're most likely all together, probably doing something that they're not supposed to.

In fact-

As he passes the door leading to the back rooms, he suddenly notices a quiet murmuring. It's coming from the behind the door, not even trying to be quiet. The probability of them doing something suspicious immediately decreases, and Chan pushes open the door.

He's not sure quite what he was expecting. The kids (Chan does a mental count up in his head to make sure that, yes, it is all of them) are all staring out of the window.

There're only a few panels that stretch from ceiling to floor and are therefore able to be reached by children, limiting the space that they're able to spread out in. As it is, all seven of them are pressed up against two glass panels. 

Minho's standing on tip-toes in order to get a better look over Changbin. Jeongin is sat on the floor, leaning against the panels face-first with his entire chest pressed up against it. Even Jisung is there. He's not looking out of the window like the others, but he's managing to join in the excitement by rubbing his cheeks up and down the cold glass.

Chan coughs.

It's just enough to alert the kids to his presence. There's not much of a reaction, confirming that they're not (or at least, they don't _think_ they are) doing something they're not supposed to. They seem to glance behind themselves, notice that Chan's standing watching them, and then immediately go back to staring out of the window.

"What's going on?"

"Look!" says Changbin, in awe. In awe of what exactly, Chan has no idea. The boy hadn't even pulled his eyes from the window to answer him.

He can't help but frown. What was Changbin talking about talking about? What's so interesting that all seven of them have to be pressing their mucky faces against his nice clean windows? Maybe he's just not close enough. It _is_ pretty difficult to see clearly through the weather outside. He takes a step closer, bending over the mass of children below him in order to get a better look.

It's raining, and it's raining heavily.

He can hardly see through the windows due to the sheer amount of water. Huge puddles have formed outside, turning their normally lovely garden into more of a swamp. The drains are full of rushing water. At the top of the house, right under the roof, the sound of the rain is thunderous. The wind howls and shakes the front door, lashing at the glass with all the ferocity of one of Seungmin's dinosaurs.

Slowly, Chan shuffles back from the glass. "It's just rain?"

It's been raining for at least a day. Maybe longer. The kids hadn't seemed this interested in the weather yesterday, only mentioning it when complaining about why they weren't allowed out in the garden. Never mind the fact it was the middle of winter, and they were only complaining because Chan had told them not to go outside.

Jeongin's hands are pressed right up against the glass. There's the slight sheen of something that looks suspiciously like strawberry jam on his fingers, leaving smeared handprints. Hyunjin and Minho seem to be competing on who can create the biggest area of fogged-up breath, adding lop-sided smiley faces every so often.

Chan still has no idea what's so interesting.

Seungmin seems to take pity on him. He turns his head slightly, "It's raining! Imagine all the puddles!"

"They'll be so big," says Changbin in awe, not looking away from the outside. 

_"Rain,"_ Felix adds helpfully.

They seem to have created some sort of language transcendent hive-mind. Either that, or Chan is really, really out of touch with what's 'cool' to elementary schoolers these days. "I'm not sure I understand. Puddles? Who said you're going outside?"

Had they managed to convince themselves they were going outside? They better not have. Chan doesn't like to go against promises, but if they go out in this weather, it'll take _hours_ to get dry again. And that means hours of trying to contain and entertain cold, slightly damp children. If the kids want to be let them outside, Chan is making them at least dry themselves. 

"You did." Seungmin says, rolling his eyes.

Hang on.

Scratch the conclusion Chan had only just reached. There is no way he'd promised to let them outside. That didn't make sense. Why were they all clustered around the window, so convinced they were going to be let outside to play, if no one had even suggested the idea in the first place?

"No I didn't," Chan says, confused, "At least, I don't _think_ that I did." 

There's a beat of silence as he tries and work out quite what's gone on. None of the kids move to explain. They gawk at the window like they've been doing for the past - what, ten minutes? pretty impressive compared to their normal attention spans - and continue to stare in awe at the size of the puddles.

Eventually, it's Seungmin that explains, again. He must be really full of pity today, though he still hasn't moved his face from where he'd turned it earlier. "Don't be silly," he says, "It's _Sunday_."

That... doesn't make things any clearer. When Chan can only reply with a blank face, not the expression Seungmin was expecting, he tuts. "We _always_ go to the park on Sundays."

Ah.

Yes, the park.

Slowly, Chan's eyes widen, in the way that only a parent who know they've forgotten about something important can do. Seungmin is right. Ever since he was first fostered, even before Jisung had joined them, going to the park was a good way of getting the kids out of the house. When it was just Seungmin and Minho, it had been a good excuse to let Minho run around for a while whilst Chan tried to work out why Seungmin was such an unhappy child.

It was a habit that hadn't broken when Jisung had arrived, instead giving the boy another place he could memorise like the back of his hand. Jeongin had been too young to remember _not_ going to the park every Sunday. Hyunjin and Changbin, although having arrived more recently, had the routine just as stamped into their minds.

They always go to the park on Sundays, even if it is tipping it down outside.

Chan's mind splutters for an alternative, or at least a positive of the situation. It _is_ supposed to be bath night today. None of the kids like baths, but Chan have long since learned that the kids don't get an opinion when it comes to bathing. If it were up to them, they'd only have a bath once a year. 

If they're cold and wet, however, that's a different story. Chan knows from various snowy outings that if there's one thing the kids hate more than baths, it's soggy clothes. Even if they hate it normally, they can't deny that it's the quickest way to warm up.

And Chan knows, without even having to say anything, how much denying this to them will hurt Seungmin.

It's lucky that the weather, although still pretty bad, isn't impossible for a quick splash-about. That way there is still a possibility that the kids can go and have fun without getting too drenched. If the rain was any more severe, Chan has no doubts that they'd be driving up to the park with Seungmin alone in the back of the car. One of his special towels, the ones much softer than anyone else used, ready to dry him up when he was finished playing. Leaving one or two kids at home is usually fine, since they're never out for long, but six of them alone in the house is a recipe for disaster.

Maybe if the weather was too bad, Chan wouldn't have let him outside. That wouldn't have been a good day, Chan can almost feel his heart breaking at the mere thought of it. But now, with Felix having only just arrived a few days ago, he really can't afford a meltdown.

Going to the park it is, then.

Chan straightens up. He hadn't even realised he was slouching. "Well. We should go soon, before the weather gets any worse." After a pause, he adds, "It's raining very heavily. I don't want to hear you complaining about getting wet, so think about that when deciding whether you want to come or not."

He leaves a gap for the kids to think about what he'd said, and then repeats thesentence in English so that Felix understands the general gist of the conversation. There's a moment of silence, as that sinks in. Chan can practically hear their brains working, thinking about how wet they really would get, and weighing it up against going out to play. They won't be told off or criticised, whatever decision they make. But they've learnt to consider the outcomes, and will hopefully apply that skill to their own decisions in the future.

"I wanna come!" Jeongin is the first one to speak, hands on his hips. "I love the puddles!"

Hyunjin nods in agreement. "I want to take Kkami with us. She's got a hat and a coat and welly boots and an umbrella, just like me! And she loves the puddles. Even more than Jeongin does." His statement is punctuated by pulling the barbie out of his jumper, revealing that she is indeed dressed up for wet weather.

"No she doesn't," Jeongin frowns, visibly upset by the implication that anyone could love puddles more than him. 

Hyunjin doesn't seem to care. He continues talking, still too caught up in showing off Kkami's matching hat and coat to reply to Jeongin. "Look! And Binnie said he was gonna help me, so he's coming as well!"

"Changbin?" Chan asks, just wanting to confirm that with him. It wouldn't be the first time that one of the kids had assumed something of someone else, and Changbin is usually too quiet to stand up for himself.

But not this time, it appears. He nods, taking a step closer to Hyunjin. "I want to help with Kkami," he says. There's a certain look in his eyes, and Chan makes a note to look into perhaps buying him his own barbie. Knowing Hyunjin, he'd be ecstatic. Maybe it would even help Changbin gain some confidence.

With the addition of Seungmin, since Chan already knows what he'll answer, that only leaves three of the kids left. Jisung, Felix and Minho all look equally awkward, but none of them seem to want to speak up first.

Chan smiles. If Minho's hesitant, it's most likely still connected to Felix's presence. It's quite possible that he'll choose whatever option the Australian boy doesn't, and Chan doesn't blame him. Some time apart from each other, some time that Minho can feel like himself again, will do him nothing but good. "Felix? _What would you like to do?_ "

Felix is standing slightly to the side of the conversation. He glances out of the window every once in a while, an unreadable expression plastered over his features. There's a pang of sympathy for him in Chan's heart. Travelling to the park now would mean going in a car _and_ in the rain. That's a combination of things they know they should be sensitive with around him. Chan won't blame him if he never wants to go outside in the rain again.

 _"You could always stay at home,"_ Chan says. He doesn't want to sound like he's forcing Felix to stay- he might have completely misread the situation - but he doesn't want to force Felix into a panic attack or such-like. In a cramped car, or even if they made it all the way to the park, that's a recipe for disaster. " _If we end up going, we won't be out for long._ _I don't want to get my hair wet in the rain. It takes ages to dry._ " Then, for the sake of the other children, he repeats it in Korean. 

It doesn't; his hair takes the same amount of time as anyone else’s to dry. But Felix doesn't need to know that.

"Your hair is always dry," Hyunjin pipes up, rather unhelpfully. "It's all the blonding you use."

By 'blonding', he probably means bleach. Chan's hair has been a fried mess of bleach-blond ever since the winter of last year. He had no idea that Hyunjin even remembered what he looked like with dark hair, but that still doesn't mean he wants the sorry state of his hair to be pointed out to him. 

Chan tries not to let the mild annoyance seep into his voice. He can already hear some of the kids giggling at his feet. But this about Felix, and he shouldn't let himself be distracted so easily. "Thank you, Jinnie. Felix? _What do you want to do?_ "

Felix has stopped glancing at the window now. When he replies to Chan, he's staring determinedly at the ground. _"I'd like to stay here, if that's okay with you. With drawin' or somethin'."_

 _"I can get you to drawing to do,"_ Chan says, _"Maybe when everyone else is drying up, we could make some cookies? It could be a surprise for when they're done."_

That seems to cheer Felix up a bit. He looks up from the ground and starts shuffling towards the rest of the group, obviously much more at ease now that he knows he's not going to be forced outside.

"Felix would like to stay here," Chan says, turning his attention back to everyone else. "That means we won't be out for long. Does anyone else want to stay?"

There's an unread plea in his question. He can't leave Felix here alone, that's completely irresponsible. He's asking if anyone else wants to give up some of their free time to stay home with Felix, without asking directly and making them feel guilty.

"I'm going to the park," Minho says quickly, before Chan has finished his sentence. His arms are crossed. There's a pretty clear intent behind his words - that wherever Felix goes, Minho'll try and do the complete opposite - but he doesn't seem as angry about it as before. Their talk a few nights ago hasn't fixed everything, but it's started the long road back to acceptance.

Chan smiles. "Who does that leave, then. Sungie? Would you like to go to the park?"

He already knows that the answer will be. Jisung, although he knows the particular park they visit like the back of his hand, has never been a big fan of visiting while it's raining. The unknown puddles and muddy grass mean he has to be much more careful than ever. The noise of the rain, especially when it's as heavy as it is now, means it's harder for him to listen out. Going to the park would mean he'd need someone watching him, and Chan knows how much he hates being stripped of his precious independence. 

"No thanks," says Jisung, looking surprisingly content with his answer. 

Chan waits for him to say something else, but it never comes. There’re a few beats of awkward silence. "Okay then," he says finally, "That's fine. Jisung and Felix will stay, while the rest of us go out for a little while. Sung, you know the rules of being home alone. I know I can trust you to look after Felix."

Outside, the rain begins to ease a little.

"Perfect timing," he says. "How would you like to leave right now?"


	10. Chapter Ten

The park is _swimming_. 

There's no one else there - and for good reason. What's usually a large field, bordering on a small rubber mulch play area, has become nothing more than a mud bath. Through the wind-screen wipers, Chan can't make out a single blade of grass. It's as if the entire park has been painted brown. 

The swings creak lifelessly in the breeze. The rain, just as Chan had dreaded, did not get lighter on their way to the park. The noise of the water against the car is loud, hammering down without looking like it's about to stop any time soon. 

He's been hoping that even if the weather hadn't improved by the time they reached the park, the sight of the field would put the kids off from wanting to play. They can't enjoy being that muddy, right? Even if they want to go on the play equipment, it'll be soaked. Surely, they can just head back now, and the extra towels Chan had packed into the boot won't need to be used.

"It's so _muddy_ ," Jeongin breathes out, behind him. He can't keep the excitement from leaking into his voice. 

There go all of his hopes that they wouldn't want to play. Chan regrets agreeing to bring the kids with every passing second. He can already imagine the mess of their clothes, not to mention the state of the car. 

The rest of the kids murmur in agreement. There's a slap from behind him, and Chan just knows one of them is currently plastered against the car window. Reluctantly, he stops the engine of the car. There's no way of getting out of this one, especially when they've already gotten all the way here. He'll just have to resign himself to cleaning the car tomorrow.

"Alright, then." The excited murmurs stop at the sound of his voice, something they usually wouldn't do. Well, it's nice to know that they at least realise he doesn't want to be here. "Has everyone got their coats done up properly?" 

There's the muttering of agreement.

"Shoes are on the right feet?"

Again, agreement.

"Hoods up?" 

This one is received with slightly more silence. Chan know that even with as much waterproofing as he could possibly smother them in, they'd still find a way to get soaked. But it was at least worth a shot.

"We're not opening the car again until it's time to go home, so make sure you've got everything," he warns. The wind howls, almost as if it knows he's about to step outside. Bracing himself, Chan sighs. It won't be so bad once he's actually out there. It's the anticipation that's the worst part, he knows that, so it's better to get it over and done with before he can convince himself out of it. "Right, then."

He clicks open the car doors.

Almost instantly, the kids scramble over themselves to get outside. Just as Chan had expected, as soon as his feet touch the muddy ground, he's immediately soaked. Although they'd had the whole area to choose where to park, there was nowhere that successfully escaped the puddles. His wellies land in at least an inch of brown-grey water.

Next to him, the back door of the car opens and Jeongin leaps out, sending a tidal-wave of water towards Chan as he splashes _right into_ the puddle. Before he can even react, there are flecks of mud on the legs of his trousers.

Right.

There go any hopes he might have had about 'not getting _too_ muddy'.

Minho is quick to follow Jeongin, ushering the four-year-old out of the way so that he can pull the lever beside the seat down, allowing Hyunjin and Changbin to leave the car. As he does so, putting the seat back up and shutting the car door before Chan can even ask him, Seungmin joins them from the other side. Together, all five of the kids stand in the pouring rain and stare at the park with huge eyes.

There's not an inch of the park that isn't soaking. The slide shines, only free from the mud because the amount of rain has washed it clean. The roundabout isn't so lucky; the base is covered in a thick layer of muddy footprints. The swings creak, pushed back and forth by the wind. 

The sight makes Chan so, so glad that they'd prepared for this. In the boot of the car, he'd packed a large pile of towels and several repurposed washing-up bowls, as well as easy slip-on-shoes for each of the kids going to the park. The idea was that when the kids are tired out, drenched and completely filthy, he can limit the amount of mud actually entering the car.

The soggy coats and muddy shoes could be put into the bowls. The towels would help to kids to dry up when they inevitably start complaining about being too cold. The shoes could be put on right before the last sprint from the car back into the house. 

That's as prepared as he can possibly be. 

"What are you waiting for?" Chan says, when no one goes to move, "Go on!"

And just like that, the kids kick-start into motion. Jeongin shrieks, sprinting forwards on his chubby little legs, ducking under the wooden fence in order to reach the playpark a little quicker. Seungmin walks as prim and proper as ever, right until he reaches the gate. Once his feet touch down onto the rubber flooring, the excitement he's been barely able to contain all day is allowed to escape. 

Hyunjin clutches Kkami to his chest. He follows Seungmin, slowed down by the fact he's making the barbie act out every step with him. Changbin trails a few paces behind him, looking back every so often to make sure Chan is following, that they're not about to be left behind. 

Minho stays very still.

He doesn't run off, like Chan would have expected. Usually he's ducking under the fence right after Jeongin, orchestrating an amazing fantasy game that has all the kids joining in. Sure, it usually ends with one of them getting a little too bossy, but that's quickly forgotten.

It's certainly not right for Minho to outright refuse to play like this.

Chan extends his hand. Changbin's checking has increased with frequency, and he's worried that the six-year-old is going to abandon walking facing forwards outright, and trip over something. If Minho wants to talk about something, they can do it while they're on their way to the gate. "Come on."

Minho looks up, but doesn't protest. He takes Chan's hand without complaining, and together they start to walk across the muddy field.

Only a few steps forwards, Minho gets bored of staying in silence. "Daddy," he says, and then-

Nothing. His mouth opens, but he must have decided against speaking at the very last second. Instead of talking, Minho looks away awkwardly, squeezing Chan's hand a little tighter. "Go on," says Chan, "What were you going to say? You can tell me anything, you know that."

Minho doesn't reply. His eyes remain trained on the grass. His little mouth creases up into a pout, an expression that's all too familiar.

He's not going to continue speaking without some kind of encouragement, that much is clear. They're still quite a way off from the gate to the park, and Chan has successfully gotten Minho to walk with him without noticing where they're heading. There's a thin gravel path bordering the fence of the park. It's a longer trip than walking straight across the grass, giving him slightly more time to work out why Minho's acting so reserved.

"Is this about Felix?"

Minho's eyebrows shoot right up, and his head turns so quickly to face him that Chan worries he might have gotten whiplash. His little pout hasn't changed, only becoming more suspicious. "How'd you know that?"

Chan smiles. "I'm your Dad, Minho. I know everything." Either that, or seven-year-olds aren't quite as good at hiding things as they'd like to believe. 

It works, and Minho seems to buy it. He nods. And then- the suspicious drains out of his face. He sighs, shoulders slumping forwards, and runs his hand through his hair in a way that's practically a carbon-copy of Chan himself. "Yeah. You're right. It _is_ Felix."

"What I don't understand is that we had that big conversation a few nights ago. I thought you were getting along better, now?"

Minho gives him a _look_. "There's a difference, Daddy," he says, "Between liking someone and just putting up with them."

"Ah. I see."

"But I just wanted to... get _out_ , you know? I feel like he's everywhere. I can't get away from him." He pauses and readjusts his grip on Chan's hand. This must have been what he was going to ask originally. "Is that mean?"

"Of course not, baby." Chan squeezes his hand in response. They've reached the gate now, and he has to let go in order to open it. Just like he'd expected, Minho doesn't run off and play with the others. He waits by Chan's side, nodding along to everything he says. "In fact, that's very grown-up of you. No one's expecting you to be best friends with Felix, and if you want to get away from it all for a little while, that's perfectly okay. You just have to tell me."

"Really?" Minho's eyes sparkle, looking up at Chan like he's holding the entire world. "You mean it?"

"I mean it," Chan confirms. In all honesty, he's incredibly proud of Minho. He's always tried to make sure the kids know they're allowed to have boundaries, particularly when it comes to Seungmin, or when they're new to the household. To see Minho taking on that advice is incredibly pleasing. 

They stand like that for a little longer. The wind and the rain have not gotten any better, and the hoods that Chan had asked them so desperately to put up get blown off every other second anyway. A car drives past behind them, and he can only imagine the strange looks they're getting for trying to play in this weather.

In the park itself, the kids seem to be having the time of their lives. Jeongin leans off the roundabout dangerously, sticking his little feet over the edge to try and speed himself up. If he falls, he'll get a nasty scrape, but then at least he'll have learnt not to do it again. Just a few metres away from that, Seungmin is swinging as high as he can possibly go. The wind makes it seem like he's flying, and since his eyes are squeezed shut, he's probably imagining the very same thing. 

He can't see Hyunjin and Changbin anywhere, so keeps looking carefully as he starts talking to Minho again. "Why don't you go and join in?"

Minho frowns. Maybe he's just not in the mood for playing today, but Chan really doubts that's the case. It's more likely that he still feels slightly left out. If he can be persuaded to even start playing, however, the other kids are bound to flock to him. "I don't know..."

"Go on." Chan lets go of his hand, instead resting it on his back and pushing it forward slightly. "Look, Innie's waving to you."

Sure enough, Jeongin has noticed that he's being watched, and is now waving frantically every time the roundabout faces them. "Minho!" They can hear him say, but the rest of his sentence is drowned out by the speed he's going. "Faste-"

"Go on," Chan repeats.

Minho looks up at him once, one last time, and that's all the encouraging he needs. Before he's even halfway across the park, Seungmin's already jumping off of the swing, ready to join in with whatever game the three of them come up with today. The shrieking giggles start not long after that. 

He's barely been standing alone for more than a few seconds before someone pulls on his hand.

"Daddy."

The voice is completely devoid of emotion; that's how Chan knows that the child talking to him isn't joking. They never speak that flatly. When he looks down to see Hyunjin, almost pressing himself up to his trouser leg, it becomes even more startling. He's very determinedly not looking up, he hasn't spoken again, and he's clutching something to his chest.

Chan crouches down. "What is it, Jinnie?"

Even from this angle, he still can't make out what Hyunjin is holding. He's got it wrapped up in the folds of his coat, and Chan can only just make out the tips of his fingers from within the fabric. Hyunjin doesn't reply. He doesn't even look up to meet Chan's eyes. When Chan looks at him, frowning, the only sign that he'd even heard him speak is that he shuffles backwards a little.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," Chan says.

Hyunjin nods. He should know that, Chan is very guilty of overusing that line. But there's still no emotion in his movement. It's... really, really strange. Seeing Hyunjin look this sad and lethargic just doesn't seem right.

"Jinnie, baby-"

Hyunjin takes a step forwards, until he's wrapping his muddy arms around Chan's _clean_ coat. He's standing on tiptoes in order to hold onto Chan's back properly, and it's more of a lean than a hug. One of his arms is still holding something to his chest. As Chan shifts, turning his body a little so that he can wrap his own arms around Hyunjin's tiny body, his damp hair brushes against his face. 

"Promise you won't be mad?" Hyunjin says, voice muffled by the fact he's pressing his face against the coat.

Chan frowns. Why do all of his kids seem so reluctant to tell him what's wrong? "Mad? What's going on? Of course I won't be angry, baby, but you've got to tell me what's wrong."

Is he hurt? The way Hyunjin's holding his arm - it could be a possibility. Had he managed to hurt himself by falling off a swing or something? Or had he managed to hurt one of the other kids? Chan scans the park, but to his relief, the rest of the kids seem to be playing just fine. Changbin has even joined in with whatever Seungmin and Jeongin were shrieking about.

Slowly, Hyunjin disentangles himself from Chan's coat. There are streaks of mud on his face - he must have wiped his cheeks with his sleeve - and his eyes are slightly red. But more than anything, he still looks worried rather than sad. "I didn't mean to..."

"You didn't mean to what?"

Hyunjin doesn't reply. Instead, taking a step back to allow Chan to get a better look, he brings out what he'd been hiding under his coat the entire time.

Kkami.

Or, at least, a very _muddy_ Kkami. Her blonde hair is coloured brown, red raincoat much the same colour. One of the welly boots is missing, and her exposed legs have certainly seen better days. Looking at the sight of the doll in front of him seems to get Hyunjin even more worked up. He shifts his weight again, not sure whether to shuffle forwards or backwards, whether to collapse into Chan's arms or back away in shame. 

Right. That's probably the problem.

Chan breathes in between his teeth. Hyunjin has always been sensitive about cleanliness and order. It took months for him to convince him he didn't need to take a sewing kit for 'emergencies' around with him, and even longer to get him to realise most five-year-olds weren't worried about that kind of stuff. Seeing how muddy Kkami is now, there's no wonder Hyunjin looks so nervous. "She's a bit-"

Chan frowns. "Hey, don't say that. I'm sure you didn't mean to drop her."

"But I dropped her! It doesn't matter if it was on purpose or not, because I dropped her anyway!"

He's getting more and more worked up with every word. It looks like there's still a while to go before he starts crying, thankfully, but Chan's rapidly running out of time where Hyunjin will still listen to him. 

"Hyunjin, listen-"

"And it's my fault and she'll never be clean and you'll be so angry! I know you'll be angry; they always are!"

Chan takes Hyunjin's face between his hands, one palm on each cheek and forcing him to look him in the eyes. He struggles against his grip, cheeks pink and eyes brimming with tears. "Jinnie, baby, look at me." It takes a few seconds, but Hyunjin realises he can't escape, he stares back at Chan reluctantly. "Does it look like I'm angry?"

For the first time since he started getting all worked up, Hyunjin actually looks at him. He looks past the experiences he'd had with parents at other foster homes, and looks at Chan's expression. "Well, no, but- you're going to be angry!"

"Does it look like I'm going to be angry?"

"...Maybe?"

But his resolve is weakening. Chan lifts his hands from his cheeks and ruffles his hair, making sure not to break eye contact. "Exactly."

Hyunjin frowns. "I don't understand. I got Kkami all muddy 'cause I wasn't being careful enough. Why aren't you angry?"

"Do you want me to hold her for a while?" Chan asks. When Hyunjin nods, he holds her up into the light, making sure they can both see the mud stains easily. "It's just mud. It'll wash off when we get home, just like your mucky cheeks." He pokes Hyunjin's cheeks as he speaks. Hyunjin's hand comes up to touch his own face, as if he's just realised that he matches the barbie doll.

"But-"

"Some soapy water and a cloth will get her right back to normal. Don’t worry about it, baby.”

Hyunjin nods slowly. The life is coming back to his face, and his glassy eyes are beginning to sparkle all over again. Chan grins. "I can look after her for now, if you like, to make sure she doesn't get any muddier. And then how about you play with the others? They look like they're having a lot of fun."

Hyunjin nods again. He turns as if he's only just now hearing the shrieks of excitement behind him, and begins to shuffle away. It's the way kids try and get out of a conversation once it's becoming boring and they've realised there's something much better going on. Even if he doesn't realise he's doing it, it's cute. " 'Kay!"

He turns to face Chan one last time and plants a sloppy kiss on Kkami's forehead, before sprinting off to join the others. Chan watches as he joins their game effortlessly. Minho's conducting them like an orchestra, taking ideas from Seungmin every once in a while. Jeongin and Changbin seem more content just going along with the rules, although the 'rules' do seem to change every five seconds.

The rest of the trip to the park goes perfectly.

With only a small disagreement every so often, the kids play together with each other without any fights. Chan is more than content to watch them. It's exhausting just to watch them, running around like it's not tipping down and they've got all the energy in the world. Kkami stays safe, tucked into his inside coat pocket. 

It's only after twenty minutes that he notices they're beginning to flag. The rain, although getting slightly lighter, hasn't cleared up at all. Strong gusts of wind almost knock them over, and Chan has to stop himself from looking away in embarrassment when Jeongin jumps unsuccessfully into the breeze, trying to 'fly'. 

They're soaked, they're getting tired, and that's a good enough ending point for Chan. If he waits much longer, they most likely will _not_ be in such good moods. 

"Right!" He calls out, voice echoing out across the empty playground. "How about we head home?"

It's met with a chorus of groans, but he knows he wasn't wrong about them beginning to get tired when no one properly complains. They're easy to herd in the direction of the car, and even easier to strip in the boot, pulling of wet coats and muddy wellies until they're left in slightly damp underclothes. 

There's mud in places he'd never even thought possible. Changbin and Minho don't even complain that much when they're being wiped down and swaddled up. Hyunjin demands Kkami back as he clamours over the backseat, and is cleaning her up with a wet wipe before Chan can even suggest they wait until they get home. 

Seungmin is surprisingly calm when Chan peels off his soaked clothes. He won't be wet-wiped down, like the rest of them. It won't take long to prepare a bath at home, and Minnie will be the first in line. He'd learnt the hard way about the limits of his skin sensitivity, and that even his special soft towel can be too much on a bad day.

Jeongin wriggles like a worm when he's put in the boot of the car. He laughs gleefully when Chan tells him exactly that, and only squirms more. He's so successful in his wriggling that he almost makes it the whole way out of the car. It's only when he drops down onto the pavement - one foot immediately landing in a cold puddle - that he lets Chan dry him off (and peel off the soggy sock).

Once they're all done, that only leaves Chan himself. He throws his coat haphazardly across the passenger seat, and slides on his own spare pair of shoes.

Right before starting the car, he glances behind himself. The sight warms his heart. 

The kids are completely covered in a mountain of towels. Seungmin, in his car seat with a board-straight back, has pulled his special towel up to his chin, leaving his little face the only thing visible. Jeongin and Hyunjin aren't so territorial with their towels. They've managed to persuade... Changbin? into giving them his towel, and are practically drowning in a sea of fabric.

In the very back of the car, Minho and Changbin are sharing the last towel between them. One of the handtowels, unused, has made its way onto Minho's head. From what Chan can make out from the muffled giggles, he's pretending to be a ghost. Either that, or since Chan definitely made out the word 'hair dye' from between the laughter, he's pretending to be Channie.

Chan smiles to himself.

The sound of laughter doesn't stop throughout the whole drive home, and neither does his grin.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: english is in italics, korean is normal. there's no way this can possibly go wrong  
> my brain: how are you going to emphasise words  
> me:  
> me: uh oh

The trip back from the park seems to be over in seconds.

Chan turns the corner to the house, and breathes an audible sigh of relief when he sees that Felix and Jisung haven't managed to burn it dow. From there, he pulls up in the driveway and manouvers each of the five _very_ muddy children into the porch. There's no way he's letting them inside like... that. He'd be finding mud in the house for weeks afterwards. The kids don't seem particularly happy at the thought of having to stay in their damp clothes for any longer than they have to be, but Chan shoots them a warning look before anyone can actually complain. 

The coats and boots get piled up togther. Chan dumps them in the laundry room. That's a problem he can deal with later, and hopefully should limit the dirt everywhere else. 

From there, all he has to do is organise the baths.

He leaves the kids in the porch and turns on the bath, running the water ready for Seungmin. It shouldn't take too long to fill up with the right temperature, and gives Chan enough time to grab five towels from the airing cupboard. He grabs some blankets as an after-thought. He'll probably tell the kids to get into their pyjamas, instead of actual clothes. They've already done enough to day, and Chan does _not_ want to leave the house again.

There's a few spare moments, and Chan splashes his own face with water. Despite the state of his boots and coat, his body is relatively dry. It probably helped that he hadn't been sprinting around the playground with his hood down like his kids. He's clean enough that he can shrug off having a shower until later in the day, when everyone else has gone to bed.

Rounding the corner with a pile of blankets and towels is surprisingly difficult. 

He dumps them in a pile beside the door. "Don't touch," he warns, "They're for after your baths, when you're not muddy anymore."

Minho shoots Chan an eager look. "Can I use the shower by myself?"

He'd been desperate for Chan to show him how to use it last summer, insistant that he'd soon be able to wash himself properly. Chan had shown him everything he could possibly need to know. Sometimes the seven-year-old still forgot to wash his hair, but that was more of a minor problem. Besides, the purpose of the shower at the moment is just to wash the mud off. 

"Sure." Chan picks up Minho's towel and blanket, handing them to the eager boy. "Be careful with them. You can put your pyjamas on afterwards, and then put your towel back in the airing cupboard, okay?"

Minho grins. "Done." He peels his soaked socks off and takes off towards the shower. 

That just leaves the rest of the kids.

Seungmin is easy, and Changbin can also use the shower by himself. Chan washes Seungmin up, whilst Minho finishes up in the shower and swaps places with Changbin. Hyunjin and Jeongin are a little more wriggly - and therefore harder to wash - but they get there eventually. 

After what seems like an eternity, everyone is sufficiently cleaned up. Chan finishes up drying Jeongin off, running his fingers through his still-damp hair. "Right. You two, go upstairs and get changed then."

They won't be down for a while. Judging by the fact that none of the other kids have returned from changing their clothes upstairs, they've obviously found something else to do. Hopefully that'll provide a suitably long distraction.

Chan has a promise to keep.

Gathering up Jisung and Felix is easy. He works out how long it will take two five-year-olds to make cookies (considering at _least_ a third of the dough is going to be eaten right away) and smiles at them. They should have long enough. The smell of baking will fill the house, and he might not even have to call everyone downstairs in the end. As long as they're distracted for long enough for the dough to be made, it should all work out. "Right," he says, spinning around and putting his hands on his hips, "Cookies?"

Jisung, who had been previously staring of the direction of the window, looking pretty mournful, immediately perks up. "Really? We're eating the cookies? All of the cookies?"

'The' cookies? As far as Chan can remember, he had decided to hide the cookie jar around seven months ago, after the biscuits began to disappear at an alarming rate. As soon as the kids couldn't work out where it was kept, the numbers stayed much more consistent. Except, apparently Jisung knows about a stash of cookies, somewhere. Chan decides not to focus on the implications of that, "Nope, we're going to be making them."

"Yes!" If anything, that's managed to make Jisung even more excited. "We can make the cookies! And then when they get all changed, we can give them as a 'prise!"

"A 'prise?"

Jisung's already walking off. He'd been standing close enough to Felix to know where the other boy was, and starts dragging him away, talking the whole time. It doesn't make his voice easy to hear, especially as his face is firmly pointed at the ground, but Chan doesn't want to distract him while he's concentrating. "A _sur_ prise, Daddy. You really should know that."

Chan's pretty sure Jisung has just made up the term on the spot, but you know what, he's just going to roll with it. " _prise_ , huh," he says, "Very cool."

"It's not cool if you say it," Jisung replies, and then they're turning into the kitchen. The tiles are slippery here. Always have been, always will be, and Chan can't help but grin when he sees Felix throwing himself across the floor with Jisung. It's only been a couple of days, and yet he's already learning so quickly. 

Felix already speaks more Korean than he did before, and sometimes he seems like he's always lived with them. Chan's not quite sure when it's going to come crashing down, though. It's bound to happen at some point. There's no hoping against it, because that would just be wishful thinking, and the more prepared they are for the eventuality means the more they can help Felix when it finally happens. He's just a kid, after all. At some point this'll stop being fun. 

Chan steps back a little, watching as the two five-year-olds pull out the stool from the side of the kitchen. 

It'll go wrong at some point, but there's nothing he can do about that. For now, he's helping his kids make cookies.

 _"Do we have the recipe?"_ Felix asks, turning to face Chan. He's left Jisung to open the cupboards at random, neither of them quite sure about what actually goes into making cookies. _"Where's Mommy's book?"_ He pauses, and then an expression of horror passes over his face. _"There's no Mommy here! How do we get Mommy's book to make cookies if there's no Mommy? How we gonna make cookies?"_

That's... not a question Chan was expecting to have to ask today. He doesn't know how much Felix's parents told him about LGBT people, he has no idea whether - they might have been homophobic, he hadn't even _considered_ that. _"What do you mean Mommy's book?"_

Felix looks more and more concerned by the second. His face crumples up. _"Mommy's book! With all the recipes 'n' stuff! Mommy always says that only Mommies can have the recipes, and she puts them all in the book!"_

Honestly, Chan's still not quite sure how to reply. Obviously, they need a recipe to make the cookies, otherwise they'll end up more like rocks than anything else, but he doesn't want to invalidate what Felix's mom might have told him. _"Well, I suppose-"_

 _"We can't make cookies without Mommy's book!"_ Felix says, _"No cookies!_ No cookies!"

The last bit is said in slow, broken Korean. Felix stumbles through the words - Chan hadn't even _known_ he knew the what 'cookie' was in Korean - with an incredible amount of effort. All so that, unfortunately, Jisung can understand.

"No cookies?" says Jisung. "There's no cookies?"

Suddenly, Chan is faced with two five-year-olds, both looking dangerously close to bursting into tears. Felix plants himself down onto the floor, staring mournfully into the distance, while Jisung clings desperately to the cupboard doors.

"We have a recipe!" he says, as fast as he possibly can to stop the situation from getting any worse. They do have a recipe. It's a thick, plastic-coated notebook that's always safely tucked away behind the knife rack. The pages are slightly torn, and it's not the cleanest book ever, but it's from when he was at uni. Each and every recipe is hand written, copied from the internet in pain-stakingly neat writing. None of them are actually from his parents, unless Google could count as a mother. 

Of course, the kids don't have to know that.

"This is our recipe book! See, _Felix, my Mommy gave this to me, since there's no Mommy here. That way, we can still make the cookies!_ We can have cookies!"

Chan doesn't enjoy lying to the kids. He never has, and he never will - it's just something that'll never sit comfortably. However, attempting to explain the whole _idea_ of the LGBT community to a five-year-old isn't something he's strong enough to do at the moment. He makes a mental note to have a proper conversation with and Felix.

"We have cookies?" Jisung echoes again. Having missed half the conversation isn't doing him any good.

"We have cookies," Chan confirms. He finally crosses the room to the two boys, putting the recipe book down onto the table and lifting Jisung up off the stool, back onto the ground safely. The cupboard doors were beginning to creak alarmingly. Jisung doesn't appear to be offended by his relocation, and instead starts making his way over to the fridge in the other corner. "I've got the recipe, and we have enough ingredients. Felix was just a little confused about something, that's all."

Jisung nods half-heartedly, a tell-tale sign that he's already gotten bored and stopped listening. But Felix's ears perk up at the mention of his name. _"Me? What does_ 'confused' _mean? I'm not '_ confused' _, I'm from Australia."_

 _"That's-"_ Chan bites back a laugh. _"That's not what I meant._ 'Confused' _is.._." There's a pause, his English brain just a few seconds behind his Korean one, despite the word being on the tip of his tongue only a few moments ago, _"Confused. It's confused in English."_

"Confused." Felix repeats, trying it out for himself. He nods to himself, seemingly happy with the translation. _"I'm not confused, though. I want to make cookies."_

 _"I know,"_ Chan says. He briefly thinks about trying to explain what he'd actually meant, and then very quickly gives up on that idea all together. Five-year-olds aren't known for their great attention spans. Especially since there are cookies involved, he can just hope that Felix is distracted easily. _"Right! Who wants to help find the ingredients!"_

It works.

"Me!" Felix cries, jumping up from the floor. His hands have very clearly been on the floor, and Chan tries not to visibly cringe at the realisation. Right. Five-year-olds are _also_ not known for their cleanliness. There's a good chance that if he lets Jisung and Felix bake without cleaning themselves up first, the cookies... well, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Jisung has practically climbed into the fridge in the time it's taken Chan to realise. Probably looking for eggs. Yeah, that's really not a good combination. "Oh!" Chan says, moving closer to Jisung to make sure there's no excuses about 'not hearing', "We forgot to wash out hands!" 

He makes a hand washing motion to Felix, who immediately grins and starts heading over to the kitchen sink. That's- that's really not where Chan was trying to direct him, they usually wash their hands in the bathroom, but he's got to get Jisung out of the fridge before he can start think about other problems.

Jisung kicks his legs a little. Despite not being able to see his face, Chan just knows that he's pouting. " 'm looking for the eggs, Daddy," comes his little voice, muffled from how far he's crawled, "This is important."

"Not as important as good hygiene!" Knowing Jisung isn't going to move by himself, Chan presses down on his ankles, letting him know he's there, and then drags the boy out of the fridge with force. While Jisung lies on the floor, muttering something about eggs between his giggles, Chan lunges over to the kitchen sink and grabs Felix by the wrist. "Come on, you lot."

There's minimal protesting after that, and Chan manages to get both children into the bathroom. Jisung does attempt to hold onto the doorframe of the kitchen, still going on about the eggs. He only lets go - and even then, it was very reluctantly - after Chan reminds him that the eggs will still be there when they return. 

"Right. Hand washing time."

Although Felix's already taking a place on the stool, trying (and failing) to turn the taps on, Jisung doesn't seem quite as co-operative. "I want to get the _eggs._ "

"We can get the eggs after you wash your hands. You're not allowed to make cookies until you're clean, so get a move on."

"No." Jisung turns around, frowning at the floor. When Chan reaches over to lift his chin up, he jerks away, bottom lip sticking out at the act of defiance. 

"No?" Chan sighs, rubbing his temples. He doesn't want to force Jisung into doing anything, so what's the best way to handle this without physically denying him from the kitchen. "That's a shame. I _was_ going to give you both a challenge, but I guess you don't want that."

Bingo. That gets Jisung's attention. "What kindof challenge?"

"Oh, you know," Chan pauses, hoping that he sounds appropriately vague. "Well, I reckon that you couldn't wash your hands for thirty seconds exactly." He's got Felix's attention as well now, so repeats himself in English. Felix grins at the thought of a challenge, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

Jisung's frown grows even stronger. "I bet I can!"

"Oh, really?"

"I can! Just watch me!" 

While they've been talking, Chan had picked up the timer they kept on a shelf in the bathroom for tooth-brushing. "Okay then, show me." He says, " _Ready, set_ , go!"

And with that, Felix and Jisung are off. The stool is big enough to fit the both of them, and the sink they're crowding over has more than enough room for two five-year-olds. Chan watches as they grab the soap, squirting it on and between their fingers. Felix's mouth is moving, counting the seconds, whilst Jisung's brow is furrowed in concentration.

 _"Finished!"_ Felix spins around, outstretching his hands and causing a minor tidal-wave of water to spill onto the bathroom floor. Jisung is quick to follow him. They're both waiting expectantly for their time.

Chan checks the time. 21 seconds. "Wow! You did get thirty seconds, _thirty seconds, almost exactly!_ Both of you! I never should have doubted you."

The twin grins he gets in return is worth all the trouble it took to get them into the bathroom in the first place.

 _"Cookies, now."_ Felix jumps down off of the stool, taking the hand towel that Chan's extending out to him. Jisung jumps down beside him, kicking the stool back into its original position. Once both their hands have dried, Chan leads them back into the kitchen. 

The rest of the cookie-making passes without further incidents.

Jisung scrambles back to the fridge, grabbing the carton of eggs and lifting them very carefully onto the counter. As Felix helps get out the flour and the sugar, Chan makes sure Jisung is the one that gets to break the eggs into the bowl. He pretends he doesn't see when Jisung dips his fingers into the mixture, and simply leaves a paper towel so he can wipe his hands afterwards.

Felix ends up covered in flour, pouring just a _little_ bit too much into the bowl at once. He almost falls of the stool from laughing so hard. 

When Chan had started the recipe, he'd only been meaning to make one lot of cookies. However, that had very quickly turned into realising they would need at least two - it would last longer that way, and also account for any mixture that mysteriously went 'missing' before the cookies made their way into the oven. That meant that the bowl they'd originally chosen was _not_ big enough.

Felix and Jisung, both with their own wooden spoons, lean dangerously near to the very full bowl. Chan could almost see the disaster waiting to happen. He did not fancy a kitchen covered in flour, thank you very much. "Why don't you let me mix it first," he suggests, "Just until there's a... bit less flour."

The kids don't look convinced. "You always stir first," Jisung complains, but he's already climbing off the stool to let Chan reach the bowl. Felix mutters, equally as annoyed, but copies Jisung's action. Chan can't help but notice they've been doing that a lot. Whenever one of them does something, the other almost immediately has to imitate it. 

It's cute.

"Thank you," Chan makes sure he says. He dips one of the spoons into the mixture and begins to stir - very slowly. There's a little bit of spillage, but nowhere near as much as if he'd let Jisung and Felix do it. It's almost all mixed in, when-

Chan's phone rings.

It's so sudden that he almost drops the spoon, but catches himself right before disaster. Who could possibly be ringing him at this time? His immediate thought is Yellow Wood - that something's gone wrong and one of the kids will be taken away.

Could it be Yellow Wood?

Beside him, Felix and Jisung have both stopped what they were doing to dance to Baby Shark. They're jumping up and down on the floor, hands in the air, shaking their hips like they're at a night club, not on the kitchen floor. Felix takes Jisung's hand and they spin each other around. They're laughing the whole time.

What if it _is_ Yellow Wood calling? What if they're found somewhere for Felix? They could have located a cousin, an uncle or aunt, grandparents that the family hadn't been in contact with for years. A friend of his parents might have finally decided to speak up. They could be calling to say Felix would be leaving their house within the week. Within the night.

Really, Chan should be happy. This is what Felix deserves, isn't it? This could be the life he deserves. Back home in Australia, with someone who's known him since he was a baby, someone who his parents would trust with his life. He'd speak the language; he wouldn't have to share a bathroom. That's what Felix deserves, isn't it? Happiness?

There's a disgusting slither of dread in Chan's stomach.

The very thought of it makes him feel ill. It calls out to him, whispering with barbed feelings of jealously and selfishness. What would happen if he didn't pick up the phone? The sour taste at the back of his throat gets a little stronger. 

Somewhere, deep inside of him, he doesn't want Felix to have his perfect life. He wants to keep him here, with him and the kids. It's a sickening concept, and he despises himself for even considering the thought for a second. How repulsive must he be, to want to keep a child from the life he _deserves_.

All because he's gotten a little too attached, a little too quickly.

"I'll get it," he says, more to himself than anything. Felix and Jisung don’t need to know whether he'll pick up the phone or not. Even if he doesn't, they're at the age where they assume adults have an all-encompassing knowledge about phone calls. And by the way they groan in protest, they don't want to stop dancing any time soon. 

The wooden spoon ends up balanced on the top of the bowl. Chan has to physically drag himself away from the counter. His phone is on the dining room table, not all that far away, and yet there might as well be miles between. The sour taste in his mouth hasn't disappeared yet.

To make matters worse, his hands are shaking when he picks it up. The screen had been placed down facing the table, leaving him staring at his black phone case and wondering what's on the other side. Even the music now seems to hurt his ears. His heart is beating so fast that if it burst out of his chest, Chan wouldn't be surprised.

Breath frozen in his lungs, guilt suspended in his chest, Chan checks the phone screen.

It's not Yellow Wood.

There's no contact information on the screen. The list of numbers, ones Chan couldn't recognise even if he wated to, stare right back at him. For safety reasons, Yellow Wood can't contact him if it's not through the main company phones or one of the kids' specific agents. Felix's agent was Jihyo. Chan's had her number in his phone for years.

Which means there's no denying it. It's not the agency. They're not coming to take Felix away. 

The fact that Chan feels relieved at this - actually, physically relieved - makes him feel sick. It curls up in his stomach and drags nails down his skin, guilt tearing at his insides. He should be hoping that it was Yellow Wood. He should be hoping that they're found a better - a _proper_ \- home for Felix.

Before he can think too much into it, one last ditch attempt to try and ignore guilt, he picks up the phone. 

"Hello?"

"Hello?" There's a lady on the other end of the line. It's not a good connection, so full of static that he can barely make out what she's saying. It's not a voice he recognises, either. "Is thi-"

"Who is this?" Chan asks. He's not about to give his identity away to someone he doesn't know, especially if they're calling from a number he doesn't recognise. There are hundreds of scam phone calls out there. They could have gotten this number from anywhere. And besides, he doesn't want to leave Felix and Jisung alone with the cookie dough too long, otherwise there'll be nothing left.

There's a short pause on the other end of the phoneline. When the woman finally speaks again, it's as if she'd never even heard his question. "Is this Bang Chan? I'm calling about-"

She never gets to finish her sentence.

Chan's finger has pressed down on the 'hang up' button before he'd realised he'd taken the phone away from his ear. The screen - and the unknown number - blink away to reveal his lock screen. It was a scam call, most definitely. No one else would call up, refuse to share their name, and then start with the phrase 'I'm calling about'. 

Besides, the relief from the caller not being Yellow Wood is still there, drowning out any other thoughts he might have had. Before he can think about it too much, Chan turns his phone onto its side and presses the switch, silencing it. Even if he gets another call now, he won't have to pick up.

The guilt hasn't gone away though. If anything, his actions only make it gnaw on his insides a little faster. Maybe he shouldn't put it on silence. Maybe he should-

"Daddy!" Jisung cries from the kitchen, "Hurry up! We wanna listen to _b- ba-_ " He stutters over the last few syllables. 

_"Baby shark."_ Felix prompts.

 _"Baby shark!"_ Jisung's grin is nothing less than triumphant, looking incredibly pleased with himself. "See, Daddy, I even spoke in English, so that means you most definitely have to play it."

"Oh really," Chan says, raising his eyebrows. He will, obviously. As soon as they mentioned it, he'd already been won over. Arguing against Jisung and Felix would be a lost cause right from the beginning. And Jisung speaking in English? Felix must have told him the words while Chan was distracted, and although Jisung's heavy accent made the words almost impossible to decipher, it's still one of the cutest things Chan has ever heard. "I thought we were making cookies, not having a dance party."

"We can have both!" Jisung protests, "Dancing makes cookies taste even more delicious-er!"

Felix isn't about to be left out of the conversation, either. _"Cookies!"_ He says, cementing the fact that the two-five-year olds must have planned this. " _Cookies an' dancin'!"_

Chan smiles at them, heart so big that it's about to burst. "Hmm. Maybe if you showed me how good you are at dancing, I suppose I could play some music."

And as Jisung and Felix immediately start to dance again, shaking their limbs with no co-ordination at all, Chan's phone - and the phone call he'd just had - lies forgotten on the kitchen table.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some more hyunjin background!
> 
> mild warning for mentions of how Not to treat a child, and implications of homophobia

It's still early enough in the morning that none of the kids are awake. It won't stay this way for long - the kids almost have a sixth sense for whenever Chan is having a moment of peace and quiet - but it's this time in the morning that Chan looks forward the most. 

The sun isn't up yet. The winter sky is still dark, early enough that the last few stars are still sparkling. The air is cold and crisp. It's damp on the grass, not quite yet dried off from the heavy rain a few days ago, and so Chan sits on the patio, watching the sun rise.

It's peaceful.

Beautiful, even.

And when Chan looks up into the sky, completely alone and completely silent, he remembers just how much he misses times like this when it's the holidays. 

The weather is looking to clear up a bit. Chan stares at the sky, at the wispy clouds decorating the edges of the horizon. Not soon enough, though. He's pretty sure there's still mud in his hair from the park.

In fact, that whole day had been incident of chaos after incident of chaos. First the trip to the park, and then their attempt to make cookies. Chan has no idea how much cookie dough was actually eaten by 'the twins', and he's not sure that he ever wants to find out.

'The twins' is what Felix and Jisung had taken to calling themselves. They were only born a day apart, and as soon as the two five-year-olds had realised that fact, there had been no stopping them. It was double the trouble. Those two were getting along so well that Chan wasn't quite sure how Jisung was going to react when Felix had to-

He mind comes to a halt. Trails off mid-thought. 

He'd checked the mail, hadn't he? Chan is pretty sure of the answer, he's sure he can remember that there had been nothing there, but he can never be too sure these days. There hadn't been any phone calls from Yellow Wood, either.

He sighs. There goes his peaceful relaxation time. He's suddenly got the ghost of a headache in his temples, the outcome of several days of built-up stress. It seems impossible that he should have gone this long without contact to Yellow Wood, but that's exactly what's happened. There's been nothing. It doesn't make it easier that he hates the thought of Felix having to leave so soon, but it had got to be better than this. This... uncertainty. He doesn't know what he's supposed to tell him if he asks.

And Felix hadn't asked. 

Well, not yet. It does seem slightly strange that Felix has no interest in returning to Australia. Even Chan, when he'd first arrived, had been homesick for weeks upon end, and that was _with_ his family just on the other end of a phone call. Felix had none of that. And yet, it sometimes seems like he's forgotten he's waiting for his relatives to pick him up.

Chan realises he's slumped back into his chair, stuck thinking over the strangeness of Felix's actions. There's nothing he can do, he knows that, it's just-

He rubs his temples again. He really hopes this headache doesn't get any worse. He's not sure if he can deal with that on top of everything else, today.

He just wishes he could tell Felix _something_. Anything. That would make it better, wouldn't it?

But there's nothing he can say.

He can't make any promises, because he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep them. He can't remind Felix of Australia, because it might still be _weeks_ until anyone comes to collect him. And at the same time, he can't make plans for anything more than three days in advance, because Felix might be gone by then. 

Worst of all, is that Felix seems so happy.

It makes the guilt in Chan's chest bubble up all over again. That sick feeling, the weight at the bottom of his stomach making his hands clammy and his head spin. The night after he'd make cookies with Felix and Jisung - when he'd had the phone call, and all he could think was that he hoped it wasn't about Felix - he'd forced himself to think over everything. 

The guilt, about the selfishness, about how he felt so _terrible_ afterwards, but it still wasn't enough to drown out the sickening relief.

He'd agonised over it for hours. 

There had got to be a solution somewhere. Maybe... maybe he could phone Yellow Wood again. Chan looks up at the sky, turning over the idea in his mind. It's still dark, still cold, but the first few rays of sun are beginning to peek over the horizon. If he phoned Yellow Wood, he could get some confirmation. They shouldn't leave him hanging like this, so a phonecall would be well within his rights.

It seems like a good idea.

It would definitely be nice, either way. Something solid, for once. And even if Yellow Wood had no more answers for now, that would mean he had at least one more week with Felix. Something else to update him with, in an attempt to make him feel like he hasn't been forgotten. 

It must be horrible. To be so young, to _know_ that your family are out there, and then be stuck wondering why they haven't come to collect you yet. Felix is already dealing with the loss of his parents and sisters. He doesn't need the trauma of abandonment as well.

It's a depressing subject. Isn't there something else he can think about? He doesn't want to dwell on this anymore. It's just upsetting him, and the kids could be up at any moment soon. He slouches down into his seat again, staring out into the garden.

A cough interrupts him.

Chan sits upright, embarassed about being caught watching the sunrise. That's such a _dad_ thing to do. He's at least got to pretend to be cool in front of the kids, especially since being a foster dad doesn't allow much time to get out and keep up with what's really 'cool'.

Minho frowns. "Are you sitting out here alone like a loser?" he says. And then- "When's breakfast?"

\---

The school run is a sweet slip back into routine. 

As much as Chan loves the holidays - spending time with the kids, taking them out for the fun they deserve, not having to deal with judgemental moms on the playground for a couple of weeks - the monotony of a school day just can't be beaten.

He tries to stick to a routine on weekends and holidays for exactly that reason. With so many kids, they'd otherwise be taking _turns_ to get up at 5AM and be annoying. Half of them would then want to be asleep by 6 in the evening, and the rest clinging to the last few drops of strength until they eventually collapsed at 11 at night. Only to do the whole thing all over again the next day, with a renewed kind of energy that only children can get.

So although Chan likes the holidays, he's glad it's back to school.

The routine comes naturally at this point, even with an extra kid.

First: breakfast. Getting the kids up and downstairs takes at least fifteen minutes in itself. Most of them are old enough not to need supervision while getting their own cereal, which leaves Chan free to drag whoever's still asleep (usually Jisung, who sleeps like a rock and would probably never leave his covers if given a chance) just in time to eat as a family.

After that, it becomes a little more difficult. 

Brushing teeth and getting dressed comes at the same time. Depending on the day, Chan take turns between making sure teeth are brushed first or that clothes are put on correctly. No matter the order, Seungmin always enters the bathroom first - his toothbrush is especially soft, but if he's feeling extra-sensitive, even that can sometimes be too much. He goes first to make sure there's enough time if Chan needs to work out an alternative solution.

Similarly, if they're doing it the other way round that day, Jisung always gets changed first. Most of the kids don't need supervision anymore, and the parental help is more for helping fasten fiddly buttons, or pointing out a shirt that's been done up the wrong way. They pick their outfits the night before, to save time. It helps that Jisung shares a room with Hyunjin - who is more than eager to show off whatever glittery shirt he's wearing that day - so that he doesn't feel so singled out when Chan's around, even if it is just to point out the simply mistakes before he gets frustrated. 

There's a switch in the corridor, where the kids who were getting changed go and brush their teeth, and vice versa. By this point, there isn't long left until it's time to leave the house.

Making sure their school bags are ready isn't the easiest of tasks.

Even at the beginning of term, there seem to be endless additional items that need to be taken, books that need to be signed, homework that must not under any circumstances be forgotten. The kids are mostly responsible for their own stuff - it's way too confusing for Chan to try and keep with the school lives of _two_ kids, let alone six of them. 

There's a schedule on the fridge door for anything important. The kids have been more than encouraged to create their own timetables, and if they need any specific reminders to remember something, Chan is always there. to help out.

They spend at least ten minutes standing by the door, today.

It's usually this way on the first day back at school. Although Chan finds the routine easy to sink back into, the kids would disagree with him on that. Hyunjin has to run up the stairs at least three times, each one because he'd forgotten something else. Changbin appears at his bedroom door with an impressively large model. Before Chan can even start to offer help in carrying it, Changbin has crammed the sculpture into his bag. It's an impressive fit. Chan's not sure whether the model will still be in one piece by the time they've reached school, but he's not sure if he wants to comment.

"Are we almost ready?" Minho asks, for about the fifth time. He's never been this desperate to leave the house before, but the shiny ballet shoes peeking out from his rucksack provide more than the answer needed. 

"You can leave your shoes at home," Chan says, noticing the glimmer of fabric. "I'll be picking you up for dance after school anyway. They'd be safer here."

But Minho simply clutches his bag a little closer to his chest, and Chan obviously realises it's best to leave it at that. They don't mention it again, but it's easy to notice that Minho rearranges the contents of the rucksack, making sure to place his shoes right at the top, where they're the least likely to get damaged.

The short break gives Chan enough time to think over the proceeding of the morning.

All the kids apart from Jisung attend the local school. It's within walking distance, and the path they take is far away enough from major roads that it's safe for the kids. Jisung, however, attends a more specialised school a little further away. Hopefully he'll be able to attend the same middle school as the rest of them. 

Honestly, Chan hadn't expected the kids to actually be ready in time. He'd given them an extra fifteen minutes - just long enough for every possible thing that might have gone wrong to happen - and they'd finished in five. The school walk only took five minutes each way, although they could always be dropped off earlier. 

Jisung's school starts about fifteen minutes later. Just long enough to drop the rest of the kids at one school, and then take Jisung to his.

Chan decides that it's better to walk. He's not driving all the way for a five-minute walk, that just seems like a waste of gas in the car, and walking will hopefully use up some of their excess energy. Felix and Jisung have already proved themself able to stay home alone, and Chan shouldn't be gone for too long.

He tells Felix the plans English, and then calls out for Jisung to follow the Australian boy into the living room, getting them safely out of the way. Hyunjin is running up the stairs for the fourth time when Jisung turns the TV on.

It leaves Chan and the rest of the kids in the hallway.

"Right," he says, turning around and doing a head-count to make sure no one's been forgotten. As much as he'd like to say that had never happened before, he'd had too many close calls for the motion to be entirely unneeded. "Any last things that might have been forgotten? Any toilet stops before we start walking?"

He's met with a pretty unanimous 'no'. 

"Right then," He checks the heads one last time, just to make sure there are actually five of them, "Off we go!"

\---

Of course, it's never actually that easy.

They're about halfway through the journey when things start to go wrong, and honestly? Chan is surprised it took that long before someone started acting up. He's in the middle of a conversation with Changbin about his model, when a shriek pierces the air.

"No!" Jeongin squeals. He pulls away, running backwards in order to get away from Seungmin a little faster. He isn't watching where he's going, and Chan frowns. Hyunjin and Minho are both handing off of his arms, rendering him useless in trying to stop them. 

Seungmin doesn't let up. He darts after the four-year-old, growling like a puppy and lunging forwards. Jeongin shrieks again. He narrowly dodges Seungmin's hand, landing on the grass by the pavement and trying to taunt Seungmin again. They're both laughing, but Chan knows that this isn't likely to last long. 

"Boys!" He calls, "Stay away from the road!"

It's almost as if they didn't hear him. Neither of the kids react, Seungmin too absorbed in darting forwards, and Jeongin not stopping his frantic movements even for a second. He's starting to get tired now, Chan can tell. His cheeks are pink, the heavy coat he's wearing doesn't make it any easier to move out of the way, and Seungmin isn't stopping for anything. He's stopped laughing now, and his face has quickly fallen to one of upset.

Minnie has no idea.

He still thinks Jeongin is playing the game. He's still moving out of the way every time Seungmin reaches forwards, and that _must_ mean he's still playing. He hasn't realised Jeongin looks like he's about to cry. He won't, until it's too late.

"Boys!" Chan calls again, this time letting a little bit more warning into his tone. Changbin has fallen back, now walking behind him. Hyunjin and Minho are beginning to copy his actions. Even if Jeongin and Seungmin hadn't heard the threat in Chan's voice, the other kids certainly had.

"Minnie, stop. Jeongin's not playing any more."

Seungmin just growls a little louder. His eyes are bright and excited - he really has _no idea_ that Jeongin isn't enjoying this. Chan hates to stop him when he looks so happy. But Jeongin's pink cheeks are rapidly becoming red. His movements are slowing down. Seungmin's fingertips brush past his sleeve and Jeongin shrieks, but that only encourages him even more.

"Seungmin. This is your last warning." 

Minho lets go of Chan's hand, shuffling around to the side. He places his gloved fingers over Hyunjin's, a silent message of help. Chan smiles down at him, muttering a quiet 'thanks’, He’ll make sure to thank him properly later, but there's just not enough time right now.

Hyunjin takes Minho's hand, leaving Chan free to run after Jeongin and Seungmin. They're not that far away - the stretch of grass is rather thin - but Jeongin's pressed right up against a metal fence. Seungmin is still laughing innocently. He lunges forwards one last time - _surely_ there's no way Jeongin can dodge this one - but then-

He ducks away _underneath_ Seungmin's arm. There's an audible tear. A good portion of Jeongin's coat was caught on the fence, hooked around a sharp nail sticking out from between the metal. He hangs there, struggling, just for a second. Seungmin is still so close, and so Jeongin pulls harder.

Hard enough that his coat can't take the weight.

"Minnie!"

Chan is there in an instant. Before Seungmin can move towards Jeongin again, Chan has his hands around his chest, stopping him from moving. He struggles briefly. But Chan's grip is strong and firm, and he pulls Seungmin into a hug, effectively distracting him from the game. "Seungmin. Listen to me."

He's not going to make Seungmin look at him, that'll just make the entire situation worse, but he can at least make sure he's listening. "I know you were playing a game and you didn't realise, but Jeongin wasn't having fun anymore."

Seungmin frowns. He's staring at the ground pretty determinedly, so he must have by now realised what went wrong. In front of them, Jeongin stares at the tear in his coat. He starts to make his way back to the pavement, joining the rest of the kids, and Seungmin watches him go. "But we were running! We were playing, Daddy!" His face screws up, "Why would Innie run away if he wasn't playing?"

Chan smooths his hair back. "You've got to remember that Innie is still little. He might not have known what else to do, and he probably didn't want you to catch him."

"We were _playing_!" Seungmin repeats, but his voice has lost a lot of its conviction. 

"I know you were, baby. But Jeongin didn't see it in quite the same way."

Seungmin nods. He still hasn't looked up, but he's stopped squirming. Chan lets him go slowly. They shuffle away from each other, making their way back to the pavement where the others are waiting for them. Minho and Changbin are kicking stones into the gutter, trying desperately not to seem like they'd been watching the entire ordeal. Minho must have let go of Hyunjin's hand at some point, probably when Jeongin had joined them. 

The two of them are now standing a few metres away. Jeongin's neck is craned back, trying to get a glimpse of the tear in his coat. Hyunjin is holding the fabric up, back to Chan and effectively blocking Chan's view of his hands. 

Right.

As if it couldn't get any worse, Chan has a sick suspicion of exactly what Hyunjin is doing. 

"You're going to apologise to Innie," Chan tells Seungmin. Hopefully the five-year-old would have done it anyway, but it usually depends with Seungmin; whether he thinks he was actually in the wrong. Judging by his reaction earlier, Chan thinks a little bit of encouragement may be needed. "Jeongin!"

Jeongin looks up when his name is called. He looks at Seungmin apprehensively, but waddles forwards when Chan beckons him again. When he reaches them, Seungmin immediately starts mumbling apologies - as reluctant as they may sound. Now that they're distracted, it leaves Chan free to confront Hyunjin.

This isn't really what he hoped for on the first day back at school. He'd expected them to get through at _least_ a week of walking to class without incident before he'd have to intervene. But - still. He doesn't mind, as long as they get to school eventually.

"Jinnie."

Hyunjin looks up at the sound of Chan's voice. He spins around to face him, whatever was in his hands suspiciously disappearing behind his back. Instead of speaking, the guilty smile that crosses his face is all Chan needs as conformation. 

"Hand it over."

"Hand what over?" Hyunjin says, looking like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. "I can't hand anything over, because I'd have to have something to hand over, and I don't have anything to hand over."

Chan simply extends a hand.

He knows Hyunjin is lying. He's not particularly good at it, and considering his hands are usually flying around when he speaks, the fact that they've stayed behind his back the whole time is very suspicious. It doesn't make matters any better that Chan knows exactly what he's lying about.

Hyunjin's going to be holding a sewing kit.

Chan had first noticed it had gone missing a few nights ago. He'd known exactly who had taken it, and exactly why, so the only question was how he was going to deal with it next. He hadn't wanted to confront Hyunjin about it. It wasn't his fault, how the other foster homes had treated him, and he'd much rather that he came forwards about it first.

It was so important to build up trust. Hyunjin had to know he could trust him, that this house wasn't like his other foster homes. And the best way to do that was by letting him realise that himself. 

Sure enough, when Hyunjin realises there's no way he's getting out of this situation without showing Chan what he's holding, his shoulders slump forwards. He brings the distinctive red tin of the sewing kit out from behind his back, and refuses to meet Chan's eyes.

"I'm going to take this off you," says Chan. "But not because you're in trouble. Jinnie, do you know why I'm taking it from you?"

Hyunjin doesn't look up. " 'm not supposed to fix things any more."

"That's not it." Chan slips the sewing kit into his own bag. He'll make sure that all of the contents are there later. Right now, he's talking to Hyunjin. "You're free to fix things. You know we only stopped you because some things don't need to be fixed right away."

"But it could be fixed right away!" Hyunjin pouts, "I've got a needle and thread, I could sew up Innie's coat easy-peasy lemon squeezy!"

"With him still wearing it?"

Hyunjin's face drops. He obviously hadn't thought that far ahead. 

"Jinnie, I'm taking it away from you because they're dangerous. There are sharp scissors in this sewing kit, and lots of teeny-tiny needles and pins. If those get lost at school, someone could get hurt."

"I'd be careful," Hyunjin protests, "I'm always careful! I barely ever cut myself anymore, not like I used to!" He wiggles his fingers, trying to prove his point. The tips of each finger is covered in hundreds of tiny scars, the remains of several years of 'foster homes'. 

What kind of sick person would teach a four-year-old it was their job to sew up anything broken?

"Hyunjin." Chan takes his hands, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his chest. They start walking, making their way slowly back on track to school. The other kids stay a little further away. They might be young, but they've all learnt how to read the mood. "No."

"But-"

"Jeongin will be fine, even if he has to go to school with a torn coat today. We've been meaning to get him a new one for a while now, anyway." 

"I just want to help," Hyunjin whispers. 

Chan wishes he wasn't so short on time, that they weren't currently joining the stream of other parents bringing their kids to school. This is a conversation they've had hundreds of times already, and one that they're likely to have a thousand times more. He wonders if Hyunjin's previous foster home ever thought about what they'd done to him. Whether they even felt the slightest hint of guilt.

"I know you do, baby." 

They can't talk about this now. He's so used to this conversation that he already knows how it ends. He knows how cruel other children can be, and he knows how easily things are overheard. The things he needs to talk to Hyunjin about - they can so easily be turned into weapons. No matter how much he wants to assure Hyunjin he's done nothing wrong, he just can't risk all the progress he's made.

"Then why won't you let me?"

Chan's heart is in his throat. He definitely feels queasy, the mixture of disgust and anger towards the other foster homes swirling up in a toxic mixture of a hate. "I'm sorry, Jinnie. We can talk about this later, I promise."

He'll never get used to the way Hyunjin's face drops.

He'll never get used to the stares of the other parents at the school playground, dropping their kids off as they coat their lips in poisonous gossip. He pretends he can't hear the things they say about him, but that's never been true.

It's surprising that the kids haven't realised why he's so eager for them not to hang around in the playground. 

"Okay." Hyunjin's voice is quiet. It tears Chan's heart in half, sets that boiling anger alight, and yet he keeps his mouth shut. 

It's always hard to watch the kids enter school. 

He wishes that the world would just make it a little easier, for once.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight i know this isn't the best written chapter, but shhhh

Felix is looking slightly pale.

He's sat in the back of the car with Jisung, on the way to drop the latter off at school. Neither of the boys seem particularly happy about that fact. Chan doubts that Jisung wants to go back to school - especially now he knows that Felix isn't going at all, and both children seem to have fallen into a sullen silence.

No one in the car speaks.

The only sound is the hum of the engine, the rustle of Jisung’s book in his hands, and the squeak of the leather headrest as Chan tries to work out whether Felix is about to throw up or not. 

To lay the least, the silence is pretty tense.

Chan can't blame them, really. It had been dizzying to watch Seungmin and Jeongin run around the garden, trying to 'prepare for the walk to school'. Hyunjin had been up and down the stairs about three thousand times, and Changbin's spaghetti-cardboard model hadn't lifted their moods any more. The slight twinge of jealousy had been enough for Chan to shuffle both boys into the living room as soon as possible.

It wasn't even like Jisung never got to made models at his own school. He's made plenty over the years; probably the same amount as Minho and Changbin _combined_. If Jeongin hadn't exclaimed in wonder, describing Changbin's model for everyone to hear, he wouldn't have even _known_ there was something to get jealous about.

But then again. Chan should know better than to apply logic to the jealousy of a five-year old.

So that explains Jisung's pout. The book in his hands is so that he doesn't even have to try and talk to Felix, because that would involve Chan translating everything first. And Jisung hates Chan, obviously, because he wouldn't let him build a spaghetti-cardboard model two minutes before they left the house. 

Felix, however...

Chan had asked him, before they left the house, whether he wanted to come with them. It obviously wasn't ideal to leave him alone - not all alone in a foreign country - but it was better than the alternative.

This is the first time that Felix has been in their car since the accident.

He's ridden to the hospital, Chan assumed. And then to their house afterwards. Certainly, when he'd arrived with Jihyo, they must have travelled by car. But Felix had been tired. Even now, the ghost of his face, pale and sobbing for his mother, hasn't quite left the back of Chan's eyelids. He'd been tired, stressed, and more than anything, _confused_. It wouldn't be surprising if he'd taken the car journey in a kind of haze.

Since then, he'd simply avoided taking him out in the car.

This wasn't the first time they were dealing with something like this. When Changbin arrived, he'd been even more jumpy than he was now. Every time a van passed the house, he'd start screaming about government conspiracies - words parroted directly from his mother - and it would take hours until he'd even walk past the windows again. Hyunjin _still_ had a way of getting his hands on sewing kits, despite Chan assuring him that he would never need them.

Chan knows first-hand how important time can be. 

If he were in Felix's place, he would never want to ride in a car again. To even think of being near a car, he'd have to build up strength first, with bike trips, then bus journeys. He would work on just getting a car seat, with nothing attached but the headrest. Then maybe trips when the weather was nice, when there was no chance of fog and rain. He's not sure he'd ever be able to travel in the same conditions again, though.

Felix is young. All the kids are, and they seem to bounce back so quickly. Felix will probably be able to ride in the fog and rain just fine when he's older.

'Older' being the key word.

It's sunny. Crisp and clear, thank goodness, without even a chance of rain in sight. If not, Chan wouldn't have even given Felix the option of coming along.

_"You okay?"_

Jisung huffs, slumping further down into his seat at the fact he isn't the one with Chan's attention. Chan ignores him. He's just being dramatic. He'll be distracted by something else in a few minutes time - and if Chan's plan actually works - maybe even less than that.

" _Uh..."_ Felix's voice is quiet, barely audible over the hum of the engine. He's fidgeting in his seat, and although the view isn't very good from the driver's seat, it's incredibly clear that he's avoiding looking out of the windows. 

Chan checks the ETA on his phone. 

Eight minutes.

Right, that's fine. It's just short enough that he doesn't have to be too worried. As long as he can keep Felix distracted, they can get out of the car to drop Jisung off at school. There's a question after that about how they're going to get home without using the car, but Chan ignores it. One problem at a time. 

Phase two of his plan is almost ready. He just has to make sure of one last thing.

_"Are you sure? You look awfully pale. I can pull over if you feel ill-"_

Felix shakes his head. Beside him, Jisung huffs slightly louder, slumping so far down into his seat that he's no longer being held up by part of the seatbelt. It's obvious what he wants, and Felix shifts uncomfortably. He's probably wondering why Chan is paying him attention instead. _"I'm fine. I'm very busy thinkin'."_

 _"Oh?"_ Chan asks, _"What are you thinking about?"_

Felix, who definitely wasn't 'thinkin'', immediately panics. His eyes go wide, he sits up, and starts looking around frantically for something he could say he was thinking about. The car is almost completely bare. Wherever Felix looks, there's nothing at all of interest that he can see. " _Uh..._ "

Bingo.

Phase three can be out into action.

_"Were you thinking about Jisung's book?"_

Felix looks at Jisung like he's noticing him for the first time. He sees the book in his hands, the pages hidden from him by Jisung's strange sitting position. There's a pause of about five seconds. Chan can practically count them on his hand, practically hear Felix's brain realising that there's something not quite right about the situation. 

" _Yeah,_ " he says, trying to work out what's obviously wrong. " _Yeah, I- Wait, what?"_

It's such distinctive learnt expression that Chan almost can't stifle his laugh in time. Which one of Felix's parents had taught him that? _"What is it?"_

Felix cranes his neck back, trying to peek at the pages Jisung's holding close to his chest. By now, he's managed to put two and two together. His mind is going into overdrive, trying to figure out why no one else is confused, and how Jisung can be reading a book if he's blind?

Chan smiles to himself. He wishes he could see the look on Felix's face properly, but he's got to keep his eyes on the road. Now, if he can only get Jisung just as involved in the conversation, his plan will have worked perfectly. "Sungie, Felix was curious about your book."

"Don't care."

Jisung hasn't forgiven him for ignoring him earlier. He's still slumped down in his chair, having given up on actually trying to read some time ago. Upon hearing Chan's words, he clutches the paper even closer to his chest, and faces Felix's direction suspiciously.

"He wanted you to tell him about it," Chan says, trying to hide the laughter in his voice. Jisung may be good at putting on a show, but Chan can see right past the grumpy act. As soon as he'd mentioned Felix, he'd perked right up. "I think he must be really interested."

"Don't care," Jisung repeats again, but he removes the paper from his chest, turning the pages enough so that Felix can see them. He overestimates the angle slightly, giving the Australian boy a good view of _how_ exactly the book works.

Felix's face lights up. He's worked it out by now. "Touch?"

Jisung's head whips around. "It's not just touch," he says, icily. "It's called braille. It's a system of raised bumps in the form of letters-"

Plan complete.

Chan smiles again, this time not bothering to even try and hide it. Behind him, Jisung is sitting up properly. The two boys are hunched over the pages of Jisung's book, letting Felix feel out each individual letter and supplying him with the corresponding sound. They sound like a couple of monkeys - all 'ooh's and 'ah's before descending into rounds of giggles - but Chan won't complain. 

Felix has been successfully distracted. Jisung is no longer in a bad mood. With five minutes left of the drive to school, Chan can't help but feel rather proud of himself. 

They continue conversing - if making various sounds can even be called that - for the rest of the trip. The houses and roads all blur into one, Chan's muscle memory of the drive taking over. It's only when the car beginning to slow down, and they pull into a parking space near the front of the school, that Jisung and Felix even realise they've arrived. They'd been too caught up in their fun to even notice the time passing. The cries of disappointment when they realise Jisung has to leave is almost heart-breaking.

"Can't Felix come with me?" Jisung whines. He's slipped himself out of the car seat and promptly throws his arms around the headrest of Chan's seat. "Please? Pretty please?"

"Sorry, Sungie," Chan says. "But Felix is from Australia. He can't go to a Korean school." It's a lot more complicated than that in real life, obviously, but any explanation of immigration and school registration systems would just go over Jisung's head. Chan's explanation is about as clear as he can make it for a five-year-old. "It takes time to move to a different country. Felix has his own school, back in Australia, that he has to go to."

Jisung pouts. "Well, he's not there now, is he."

"He's not," Chan agrees, "But he'll go back there at some point." He sighs. This isn't the conversation he wants right before Jisung has to go off to school. "Now, how about I drop you off?"

He opens his car door before Jisung can protest. The air is cold, bitingly so, and he hopes that'll be enough of a distraction to stop the five-year-old from bringing up the topic again.

"Brr. Isn't it chilly?"

Jisung frowns. He holds himself carefully, hanging from the door and the frame of the car itself in order to only put one foot down. With his little boot, he stomps down, _hard_. Once he's confirmed there are no puddles, he jumps out, heading in the direction of Chan's voice and clinging onto his trouser legs. 

Felix has also let himself out of his seat. He hovers for a moment, not sure whether to follow Jisung out or stay inside. Chan gestures for him to come on - even if it isn't far at all to the school, it's a break from being inside the car - and Felix clambers out quickly after him. 

He offers his hand, and isn't surprised when Felix takes it.

The three of them shuffle backwards until the door can be closed without knocking one of the kids over. From there, it's a short walk across the car park to the gates of Jisung's school. 

The doors to the building are at the top of a wheelchair-accessible slope. There're sturdy iron railings on each side, and several other children are already milling about. They don't play in the parking lot outside - no, there's a much nicer playpark at the back of the school - and there aren't any queues to go in like at the other kids' school. 

Jisung's already let go of Chan's hand, taking the railing and pulling slightly further away. 

His smile is bright. The sounds of his friends must be reminding him of what he has to look forward to, and the idea of bringing Felix with him has been forgotten as quickly as it was thought up.

"Head up, Sungie," Chan says, soft as ever. He says this exact phrase every time he drops Jisung off. And Jisung never fails to stick his chin up to the heavens, laughing the whole time.

"Goodbye!" He calls, and then he walks up the ramp. Chan and Felix watch until he disappears inside. 

In comparison to the journey there, the walk back to the car seems like it takes forever.

Almost immediately as they climb back into the car, Chan notices that the mood has changed. Felix's face has dropped again. As the engine starts, he doesn't look anywhere near as pale as he had before, but he's lost his lively energy. The smiles and laughter in the back seat seem like they were years ago.

Chan pulls off and drives away without saying anything. He'll wait until Felix is ready to talk, however long that takes. 

It shouldn't be long, since five-year-olds never seem to be able to keep secrets to themselves. Chan is convinced five minutes feels more like five years to them, and since Felix has been talkative since he's known him, it's unlikely he won't speak up about whatever's troubling him.

As long as it's nothing serious, that is.

He's learnt the hard way that some things have to be forced out. Children can be awfully stubborn, and letting something deep and dark fester inside them is much worse than the confrontation. 

Chan just hopes Felix has no secrets that dark. 

His suspicions are confirmed soon enough, anyway. They've only been in the car for a couple of minutes when a voice calls his name.

_"Chan?"_

Felix's voice is small, and it's a sickening reminder of everything he's been through. He's still five years old. He's still lost everything. There's a delicate line between 'okay' and 'not', and Felix walks down it without a second glance.

_"Hmm? What is it?"_

It's difficult to see him from the angle. Chan isn't naive enough to take his eyes off the road. He could pull over, but he doubts Felix wants to be made to feel like he's under interrogation, or that he's under an uncomfortable amount of suspicion. The car ride provides a strange in-between, a sort of timelessness.

_"When can I go back to school?"_

Uh oh. 

Out of all the questions Chan would have liked Felix to ask, this was definitely not one of them. He doesn't even have a proper answer. As much as it pains him to skirt around a proper reply, what else is there to say? He was going to call Yellow Wood later that night. But what is he supposed to tell Felix until then?

At least he's not looking ill any more, Chan reminds himself. As terrible as it sounds, this is certainly a good way of distracting him from the car. 

_"Well,"_ Chan starts, not sure what else he can say. It's got to be better to be truthful. There's no point in filling his head with false hope and promises. _I'm still waiting for Yellow Wood to phone us back. Your family are proving awfully difficult to contact, it seems."_ He laughs afterwards, trying to lift the mood, but it just sounds dry and forced. 

Felix doesn't seem amused. He seems to sink into his seat, and his voice has managed to grow even smaller. _"Yeah."_

Okay, now Chan is worried. 

He's heard his kids use that tone of voice before. Usually when they'd first arrived at the house, when they'd hardly believed the lack of rules. They'd been waiting for the illusion to come crashing down, to be dragged back to reality kicking and screaming. It's the same tone of voice Hyunjin had when they'd first told him he didn't need to fix and clean by himself. It's the same voice Changbin had when Chan had assured him his mother wasn't coming back. 

It's the sound of someone who knows - who believes - something they're not quite telling. 

Has Chan been blind to any red flags before this? He casts his mind back, desperately looking for something Felix might have done or said that would give more insight into the situation.

There's nothing.

With a sick feeling in his chest, Chan realises he'd been so caught up in not wanting to give Felix back that he hadn't been paying attention. He'd been so focused on his own selfish interests that he hadn't even _thought_ there might be more to the radio silence.

His mouth tastes foul. _"Do you want to go back to Australia, Felix?"_

Felix frowns, caught out by the sudden question. In his surprise, he ends up revealing more than he might have originally planned to. _“I miss my friends,"_ he says. _"We were gonna do a play in class. I was gonna be Postman 3."_

 _"Postman 3, huh?"_ Chan whistles, long and slow, _"That sounds like a pretty important role. I guess you'll be happy when your family take you back, then?"_

Felix's face crumples. He'd been sitting forwards again, ready to discuss his lines as 'Postman 3'. But when Chan mentions his family, all that joy disappears. 

Bingo.

That's one pretty massive red flag, right there. 

_"Yeah._ " 

_"Felix,"_ Chan starts. It really would be better to stop the car, wouldn't it? They're nearly home, couldn't he just leave this conversation until they're back inside the house? There are proper rules for this, boundaries that need to be obeyed, protocols that need to be followed. But Chan's curiosity - his burning worry - wins out against all logic. He can't stop. He just has to know. _"You know you can tell me anything, right? If there's something you want to say about your family, anything at all..."_

There's silence.

Maybe he's pushed too far. Maybe he should just drop it, and report Felix's actions to Yellow Wood without trying to follow up himself.

That's the right thing to do. Felix is obviously vulnerable right now. The car is a dangerous place, this situation is verging on the border of what could become manipulation. Chan has to remind himself that he's just providing a temporary foster home. He can't let himself become invested with a child he's likely never to see again. 

He knows more than anyone how these children can be affected. He needs to phone Yellow Wood. This needs to be processed professionally, somewhere with the right methods of support and potential legal action.

 _"You know what,” he_ says, hurriedly, _"Don't say anything you don't want to. How about we listen to something on the radio, hmm? Is there a song you'd like to hear?"_

It's a desperate attempt to change the subject. He can't stop himself from glancing back into the backseat, watching Felix's every move with rapt attention.

Felix hums. _"They don't like me,"_ he says, shifting in his seat. _"Tha's all."_

There's another pause. He's obviously thinking hard about something. Chan's voice hitches in his throat, ready to protest and stop Felix from revealing any more. But the Australian boy gets there first; _"Can we listen to Baby Shark?"_

_"Of course."_

It's a weight lifted off Chan's shoulders. His distraction seems to have worked, and the kids demand Baby Shark to be played often enough that it's queued up on the car radio. It does nothing to help the sick feeling in his gut, or the sour taste at the back of his throat, but it takes his mind off the inevitable conclusion.

His fingers are shaking when he turns up the music.

Baby Shark fills the car with sound. Behind him, Felix perks up, mouthing along to the words and mimicking the hand actions that they all know so well. The lyrics are in Korean, Chan can't help but notice. Felix seems to have already picked up on the sounds and syllables. He's learning quickly. 

It almost seems silly, since he'll have to leave so soon.

Chan almost wants to turn it over to the English version instead. Surely that would hurt less. He can't keep pretending that Felix is going to stay with him forever, and the sound of the familiar language should make him feel less homesick. He knows it's what he should do, instead of living in this little world of make-believe for just a few moments longer.

But when he reaches out to turn the song over, he finds he just doesn't have the strength to do it. 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chan takes the phone away from his ear. He's been on hold for a while now - about fifteen minutes - and the repetitive tune is really beginning to get on his nerves. It's the same four chords over and over again. Chan used to produce a little music himself, and he's about three seconds away from abandoning the original purpose of the call and make them a better holding tune himself. 

Fifteen minutes might not sound like much. Chan's patience is usually much better than this. But this is on the phone to _Yellow Wood_ , and he's already decided that these types of calls have special exceptions. 

He's never been put on hold for Yellow Wood before. There's always been someone to pick up the call within thirty seconds, and even before that, he never usually has to call in the first place. Everything about the situation is slightly wrong. It's all different to what he's experienced before, and that only makes the bad feeling in his gut even worse.

This is important.

His foot taps on the floor beneath him impatiently. They're probably just dealing with other problems. Foster agencies are like that, and Chan would never expect them to drop everything just to pick up a phone call from one of their more trusted foster homes. They probably assumed he could deal with it for a little longer; which he can, but it doesn't make it any easier.

The questions burn the tip of his tongue. What Felix had told him in the car earlier hasn't stopped echoing throughout his mind since. And all the suspicion about why they hadn't had any earlier contact - it all balls up into one, gigantic ball of anxiety. 

It's precisely why he takes the phone away from his ear.

The tune is loud enough that he can hear it from a distance, and he'll know as soon as someone puts him through. It allows him to take a breath, try and calm his stuttering mind, and pay attention to the other sounds in the background.

 _"Cat,"_ says Felix, _"I like cats."_

His words are comically slow and drawn out. Even though Chan can't see him from this position, he'd bet that the Australian boy's face is screwn up in concentration. He can imagine the rustling of paper, a brand new 'Let's learn Korean' booklet they'd bought from the corner shop earlier in the morning. He can imagine the way Felix is holding the pencil, with his first clenched counterproductively over the nib. 

The sound of the five-year-old talking to himself carries through the house.

"And this..." Felix continues, his voice losing all its confidence now that he's swapped over to Korean, "Is the alphabet."

What comes next is a mixture of alphabets, Felix reeling off the letters in English and then Korean as a comparison. Chan had set up a YouTube video for Felix to use at some point, and it must have been played, as his attempts at singing the tunes are much more tuneful than when Chan was last in the kitchen. It's cute how he stumbles over letters. Chan is so caught up in trying not to laugh that he almost doesn't notice that the tune from his phone has stopped.

"Hello?" says a tinny voice, "Are you still there?"

He's finally through to Yellow Wood.

"Yes!" Chan hopes he doesn't sound too eager, but it feels like he's waited _months_ for this moment. "Yes, I'm here."

"May I ask who I'm speaking with?"

Chan's smile falters. He'd already given his name, of course, when he'd first been put on hold by the system. He doesn't recognise the voice of the person who'd eventually picked up, either. If they have to search him in the database before he can even start asking questions, maybe Chan shouldn't have celebrated so early. "This is Bang Chan. I _have_ already given my name."

Better to be safe than sorry. He's not sure whether he can take another fifteen minutes of that god-awful music.

There's the familiar sound of typing from the other side of the line. "Ah, yes. Bang Chan. Currently in the care of..." There's a pause, as the person takes in the list of names. "Se-"

"You don't have to list them," Chan says hurriedly. They'll be here all day otherwise, especially if the employee asks why there are more names registered than children currently being fostered. The legal process is long and difficult to actually adopting the kids, and the outcome of that leaves a messy trail of adoption and fostering changes in paperwork. "I'm here to discuss Lee Yongbok? _Felix Lee_?"

The sound of typing again. "Lee Yongbok... Yes, I can confirm there is a file for a child under that name here."

That's _not_ what Chan had asked.

"I'm phoning to ask - well, there are two things actually. Can I ask why it's taking so long for Yellow Wood to provide additional information about Fe- Yongbok's case? He's only supposed to be staying with us temporarily, but..."

"I'm not sure about that," says the employee, and their voice certainly doesn't sound very sure. "Let me just check the systems. Ah, here we go: _'there has been difficulty locating and contacting the extended family of the child, as well as several issues around the will of the deceased.'_ Legal issues, it looks like."

Chan tries not to sigh too loudly. He'd moved away from the table when Yellow Wood had picked up, not wanting Felix to overhear and start asking questions. He didn't want him to think that Chan had betrayed his trust. Now he stands in the hallway, pressing his forehead against the cold wall in order to calm himself down. 

Legal issues?

What's that supposed to mean? He'd had issues with the law before, with Changbin's mother and visitation rights. It hadn't worked out for her, of course, but there had been weeks upon weeks of stress. And even then, that was with an accelerated case speed due to her mental health issues. 

But he'd had contact with Yellow Wood throughout that process. 

The radio silence now just seemed strange. Chan's stomach twists and turns, and he bites his bottom lip worriedly. Legal issues, huh? Whatever it ends up meaning, it can't be good.

"Right. Okay then. That's... that's fine."

"That's not all," says the employee, "According to this, the delay in the process has meant we haven't been able to return Yongbok's possessions to him. This should have been done days ago."

"His things?"

Felix had arrived at the house with basically nothing. He'd only had a tiny suitcase, and even that barely had enough clothes to last him more than a week. It was a good thing that the Australian boy was a similar size to the rest of the kids.

Thinking back, Jihyo had mentioned they'd found more items at the hotel the family had been staying at. They hadn't been too sure of which children they belonged to, if Chan's memory serves him right. Judging by the sound of the employee’s voice, they must have worked it out and just forgotten to deliver the belongings back. 

"Yes. I can arrange them to be dropped off later today, as an apology from Yellow Wood for not returning them sooner."

Today? That's much faster than Chan was expecting him to say, with how out of touch the foster agency seems to be lately. "That's fine," he finds himself saying, "As long as the delivery is made after 4:00. I still need time to pick the kids up from school."

The employee types away again. "Done. I've scheduled you in for around 4:30, if that's suitable."

"That's fine," Chan says, with a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Is that all you were calling to discuss?"

And just like that, Chan's heart drops all over again. He'd been so successful in his methods of self-distraction that he'd almost completely forgotten the other reason he needed to contact Yellow Wood. The sound of Felix's voice echoes in his mind. Repeating the same words over and over again, while Chan can do nothing but attempt to change the subject.

"No. There's... there's something else I'd like to report."

"Okay," the clicking of the keyboard is becoming a familiar sound now, "Which child under your care would you like to report on?"

"It's still about Feli- Yongbok, I mean."

"Continue."

Chan peels himself from the wall and sinks down to sit on the stairs. He wants to make sure his legs don't give up on him half-way through his report. With how shaky he's been feeling lately, it's not something that's too out of the question. The feeling of a seat beneath him gives him a little more strength to continue speaking.

"He mentioned his extended family to me earlier today. We were talking about his education in Australia, but when I spoke of his family, he seemed very reluctant to continue the discussion."

He can practically hear the employee's frown from across the phone line. "Is that all?"

"It was a complete change in his mood," Chan says, suddenly feeling defensive. He hadn't been overthinking, had he? That hadn't even been a possibility he'd considered. What if he had just been overthinking? What if he was just so desperate for Felix to stay that he didn't even _realise_ he was overthinking?

No.

Chan's panic disappears as quickly as it had arrived.

That's not what happened. Chan wasn't so emotionally-controlled that he'd left his decisions be swayed like that. What Felix had said, he'd have reacted the same way to _any_ child telling him it. He isn't about to let some random employee convince him out of reporting a _huge_ potential red flag.

He's not about to stop protecting his kids as fiercely as he possibly can, just because he's afraid his emotions have gotten in the way. 

He won't let the children be sacrificed like that.

"Listen, five-year-olds don't usually react like that. He refused to speak on the subject any more, when I'm fully aware he's been homesick for Australia for _days_. Don't try and tell me that doesn't sound strange to you."

"I-" The employee starts to speak, but stops right before they can actually say anything. Chan's not about to back down any time soon, and they must be able to see that. Even if they don't think it's worthwhile, they have a duty to report any concerns that the foster parents may have regarding the conditions of the children in their care. If Chan refuses to retract his statement, they have no choice but to admit it for administration. "Of course. I'll enter that into the case file."

"Thank you," Chan repeats the sentiment from earlier, but his voice is hard and cold. There's no actual hint of thanks any more. "That'll be all."

"Of course." The employee is typing again, the sound of the keys clacking made even more distorted by the terrible quality of the phone line. "Thank you for your time."

They hang up.

Chan looks at the phone in his hand, at the black screen staring back at him. Funnily enough, phoning Yellow Wood hasn't reassured him like he'd hoped it would. There are still so many questions, and he can't think of a single answer he'd received.

But...

It's depressing to console himself with, but the fact that he can do nothing about the situation makes him straighten his shoulders.

Nothing he can do can sort out the 'legal issues' any faster.

Focusing on the fact he doesn't want Felix to leave just yet will only have a negative impact on his attention for the other kids.

It is what it is.

When Felix had first arrived at the house, tiny and covered in bruises, eyes so big that they seemed to drown out the rest of his features, Chan had promised to provide the best damn home that he could.

And that's exactly what he's going to do.

-

_"Is that it?"_

Chan checks the time on his watch, yet again. He's unsurprised by what he sees. It's 3:53. Exactly one minute after the last time Felix had asked him when the van would be arriving.

_"Nope, I don't think so. But it's still seven minutes until 4:00, and that's the earliest they said they'd be arriving."_

Felix huffs. He's pressed up against the window in the front room, curtains pulled back with such force from excitement that you could almost mistake it for his birthday. There are little hand prints up and down both panels of glass. Even in his disappointment as the van - evidently _not_ from Yellow Wood - pulls away, he never takes his eyes from the driveway.

They'd told him the rest of his luggage was arriving as soon as Chan had finished the phone call.

It seemed mean to keep it from him, even if it had been getting his hopes up a little early. Chan had had to convince him away from the window, as Felix had seemed determined to sit there for the full six hours. It was only in the last half an hour that he'd given into his pleads. He'd been sat there ever since, even as the other children arrived home with stories to tell and fun to be had. 

He had a bear, apparently.

That's why his face had lit up so brightly when Chan had told him. Felix had a bear - his very own soft toy all the way from Australia - and he'd slept with it every night since he was a baby. Once Chan had gotten him talking about the bear, he hardly even stopped to pause for breath. It was the most animated Chan had seen him since he'd arrived. 

"Can he not tell the time?"

Minho sticks his face next to Chan's, so they're both watching Felix with their cheeks pressed together. All the kids apart from Jisung and Hyunjin are in the room with them, watching with equally bated breath at every car that goes past. No one is quite as excited as Felix, understandably, but the way they're acting is like it's the most interesting thing that's ever happened to them. 

Chan frowns, wrapping his arms around Minho's waist and pulling him into his lap. "He's excited, Min."

Minho had been exactly the same when he was that age (Chan still remembers being woken up at ass-o-clock in the morning because Minho was so excited about his birthday), but he chooses not to point that out. 

"It's not gonna be for hours," says Minho, pointedly ignoring Chan. "He'll be waiting for days! Days and days and days!"

 _"Is that it?"_ Felix says, in the background. Like every other time he's said it, a chorus of 'ooh's goes up from the kids crowding around him. Like every other time he's said it, the car goes straight past their house and he's met with a corresponding chorus of groans.

"Days," Minho repeats. He's gotten quite comfortable in Chan's lap, leaning back and crossing his arms. It's unusual. Minho doesn't normally show this much affection unless they're alone, so the fact that he's eager to cuddle in front of everyone else is... suspicious. There's a good possibility that he might be glaring at Felix, as well. 

Chan reckons the only reason he hasn't squirmed out from his hold is because he wants to make Felix jealous. He hasn't yet realised that jealousy is the last thing on Felix's mind right now.

"It won't be days," Chan says, running his hands through Minho's hair. "Hopefully it won't take too long. And besides," He boops a single finger to Minho's nose, laughing when the seven-year-old slumps even further down into his 'seat', "It sounds an awful lot like you'd quite like it to take that long."

Minho huffs, crossing his arms. His silence is confirmation that Chan's statement had been true, he'd just too stubborn to admit it.

_"Is that-"_

There's a squawk from one of the other kids, and then the crowd around the window descends into chaos. Chan and Minho's conversation is immediately forgotten as both of their heads snap towards Felix. He's stood up for the first time in half an hour, moving away from the window with nothing less than a _beam_ on his face.

Chan checks his watch: 3:58. Judging by the excitement, they had arrived early after all. 

_"The door!"_ Felix says, running over to Chan. He does a double-take when he sees Minho in Chan's lap, the look of his dark eyes glaring at him. His feet stop mid-step, pausing half-way between grabbing Chan's arm or being scared away by the seven-year-old. _"Uh-"_

The desire to have his bear wins out. He takes a careful step forwards, and when Minho doesn't immediately go to attack him or something, he decides that it's worth the risk. His hands are cold as they wrap around Chan's wrist, and Chan barely even has enough time to set Minho down on the ground before he's being dragged into the hallway. 

Felix is surprisingly strong for a five-year-old. 

They're at the door in no time at all. The rest of the kids have followed them there, moving practically as one curious mass. Jisung and Hyunjin are still upstairs playimg, so Chan decides against calling them downstairs. Although they'd probably like to join in with the excitement, it would mean that the two five-year-olds would want to watch as well, and Chan's got a feeling that Felix might want at least a little privacy in a moment.

He unlocks the door without even thinking.

 _"Come on!"_ Felix hasn't let go of his arm, pulling him forward with a renewed energy, _"Come on!"_

There's really no point in it. In the time it's taken for Felix to drag Chan over to the doorway, the man dropping off the luggage has already arrived at the door. He stands, slightly awkwardly, with a bright yellow suitcase in one hand. He probably wasn't expecting to find five kids staring back at him, especially since he hadn't even rung the doorbell yet. 

"Uh-"

"It's Bear!" Felix cries. He lunges out while the two adults are staring at each other, and pulls the suitcase out of the man's grip. His hands are shaking, and his tiny body is practically vibrating with excitement.

"Uh-" The man says, again. 

"You're here for Yellow Wood, right?" Chan says, taking pity on him. The man seems like he might not get past the first syllable of his word, and Felix is already attempting to disappear into the front room with the luggage. "Lee Yongbok?"

The man nods wordlessly.

"Yeah, that's him," Chan continues, relieved that Felix hasn't just stolen a suitcase from someone entirely unrelated to the situation. "I'm Bang Chan, I arranged this drop-off over the phone. Do you need me to sign anything?"

There's a sheet of paper in his hand, and a pen tucked into the pocket of his jacket. But he shakes his head just as silently, probably wanting to get away from the house as quickly as possible. "That's- that's all. Uh- I'll be going now."

"Okay." Chan watches as the man backs away, four pairs of children's eyes still trained on him. Chan smiles faintly, and Felix is too absorbed in trying to prise the suitcase open to look up. He doesn't even realise that he hasn't shut the door until the man turns, disappearing from the doorstep.

For the first time, they're given a full view of the driveway.

Changbin screams.

It's so sudden, so out of place, that Chan's heart drops about thirty stories. His head snaps back so quickly he half-expects to get whiplash. There's a sour taste in his mouth. His heart is beating so quickly, even though he has no idea what he's expecting to see.

Changbin is usually so quiet. Chan doubts he's timid by nature, and hopes he opens up to the other kids in time, so the scream is _sudden._ It's not for effect or attention. He's genuinely terrified.

There's nothing around him, though. 

Seungmin looks like he's about to burst into tears, hands pressed tight up against his ears. Jeongin looks startled, and Minho has such a look of concern on his face that it takes Chan's breath away.

But they're all standing a few feet away. There's nothing around him that could have caused him to scream. No wild animals, no one had pinched him or tried to scare him. And yet the expression on his face is nothing less than _petrified_. A pure, instinctual emotion. 

Chan's heart stops as the pieces click into place.

The door is still open, and he almost throws himself outside with the force of turning back around. He knows what caused this. He should have been more careful.

The man had arrived in a white van.

By the time he's turned around yet again, Changbin is gone. The only sign he was ever there is a last glimpse of his feet scampering around the corner of the hall, the horrified looks of the other children. They've seen this a few times before. It was worse when Changbin had first arrived, so they've all witnessed this turn of events at least once.

Chan takes a step forward, ready to go after him.

He never gets that far, as his foot lands on something soft. A t-shirt, he realises. 

In the chaos, no one's noticed how quiet Felix has become.

The suitcase has been opened. There's a small-ish pile of clothes inside, although most have already been strewn around the outside, the sleeves of tiny coats and the legs of colourful trousers stretching out onto the floor. Chan can spot a few other items within the pile. Hopefully, one of them is the bear Felix had been looking forward to reuniting with so passionately.

"Felix-" Chan starts. He understands how excited the five-year-old must be, but the middle of the hallway floor really isn't the best place to start unpacking. He'd be devastated if one of the items got torn or stained in anyway. And it goes without saying that there's a serious trip hazard, not just for Jisung, either.

He needs to tell Felix where he's going. The five-year-old had been so engrossed in his luggage that he hadn't even noticed Changbin's scream, and he doesn't want to leave the Australian boy alone when he's so vulnerable. 

But he stops.

The words die in his mouth, shrivelling up and wilting. 

He catches sight of Felix's face.

He's holding out the bear in front of him. It's just as Chan had expected - brown, with kind eyes, and with all the marks of a toy that's been well-loved. There's some mild discolouring around the paws, and it looks like the left leg has been sewn back on. 

Felix's hands are shaking. He's looking at the bear with an indescribable expression. That's the only way Chan can think of to understand it. His eyes are wide, as glassy as the bear's. It's almost as if he's afraid of the soft material in front of him, and yet he looks as if he's about to crumple in at himself at any moment. 

His face makes Chan's heart stop. It makes his mouth dry up, and his stomach drop about fifteen stories down to the hard, unforgiving ground. The noise of the background might as well have faded away completely, as he knows what Felix is about to say next.

"This isn't my bear."

He's speaking from the other end of a very long tunnel, or maybe Chan is just too far away. Either way, he's so quiet. His words are almost inaudible, and his tone is somehow... broken.

"This is Olivia's." 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

  
Chan doesn't know what to say. Nothing - _nothing_ \- could have prepared him for this. The look of heartbreak on Felix's face seems to seep into his very soul, the expression of utterly crushing despair burning onto the back of his eyelids. 

He should have done something.

He should have been more careful - taking the suitcase from the man before Felix had a chance to tug it away. He should have told Yellow Wood to confirm the items were all Felix's. He should have told the other kids to go and make their fun somewhere else.

Maybe none of those solutions would have worked. How was he to have known which bear was Felix's, and which one was Olivia's? How was he supposed to know Yellow Wood hadn't done their job properly? How was he supposed to know any of that, when he was already trying his goddamn best?

Even if he had done something, would it have made a difference?

He forces himself to remind himself of the situation. He didn't. There's nothing he can do to change the past, and now they're all stood in a crooked circle, watching as Felix's world tumbles down around him. 

"Let's..." His mouth is so _dry_. His mind is racing so quickly that he can barely hold onto a thought for long enough to make a coherent sentence. he needs to be stronger for the sake of the kids. For Felix, and for Changbin. "Let's all go to the living room."

He's already got a hand to Seungmin's back, the other wrapped around Jeongin's wrist. It's surprisingly easy to manoeuvre them to the door They're all a bit shell-shocked, he realises. There's no way they can know who Olivia is, but they're smart kids. They'll have worked it out by Felix's face and Chan's reaction. As long as Minho follows, he can try and at least get Felix out of the hallway. 

"You made Changbin upset."

Minho's voice is cutting. 

Chan freezes in place. Ice drips down his spine, and all of a sudden, the world seems to take a step backwards. It's like he's five feet above the hall, looking down with an empty mouth and limp hands, unable to stop the scene from unfolding right in front of him. He can't feel Seungmin's shirt or Jeongin's skin. He can't feel the ground beneath his feet. 

Felix doesn't reply. Of course he doesn't. He just sits there, in an almost-empty hallway, staring at a suitcase with a bear amongst the clothes. Minho stands a metre away, looking down. The world is so slow that they seem frozen in place, like a still scene from a film.

"He screamed, because of you."

Minho's quiet, but maybe that only makes the words worse. Chan's too far away, too high up to stop him. His bones have turned to lead and stone inside his body. Maybe he's going to throw up. But all he ends up doing is watching, as Minho's mouth opens all over again. They're strung up in thread, poised for action, and so, _so_ delicate. 

"You should just go and join your sisters."

It shatters.

Felix's face morphs. The facade - the quiet boy, the one who barely seems to feel the loss of his family - slips away. It's replaced by such anger and hatred that it ages his face five years. He's given up. Minho sees it too, stumbling back with hands pressed over his mouth, but it's too late.

Felix's hands go out to both sides, searching for something, anything. One of his fingers rests on the stack of shoes beside the door, and then they're flying towards Minho with scarily accurate aim. 

Minho's face is pink. One shoe catches him on the side of his head, with a sickening _thump_. The red print against his skin is almost immediate, and the seven-year-old stumbles even further backwards. Chan expects him to fight back - that seems like the most 'Minho' action to take - but in a twist of events, there are already tears forming in his eyes. Another shoe hits him in the back as he flies up the stairs. 

"Felix-"

He looks like he's about to follow, face contorted with rage. The sound of Chan's voice gets his attention and causes him to turn. There's one last shoe in his hand. The anger has gone to his head, by now. There's no way he can control the rage he's feeling, no way that he can direct it to a single person when all he's feeling is loneliness.

Minho's gone, but now that Chan's called out, there's another perfectly good target right there.

The shoe leaves his hand.

Chan never feels the impact.

Instead, he can hear the sound of the shoe connecting with something else. He watches as Felix's anger floods away from his features as quickly as it had arrived. He can feel Seungmin stumbling away from him.

The shoe connects with his chest, knocking him over. Seungmin hits the ground, knees buckling under the shock of the pain. He never looks away from Felix, not even for one second. The shoe clatters to the ground beside him. Seungmin's hands clutch over his chest, holding the place of impact so much tighter to his body. 

He's crying before he even hits the ground.

Jeongin is by his side, tentatively reaching out for Seungmin's shoulder. Chan is too late to keep his hand from brushing against his skin, and Seungmin _shrieks_. It's all too much. The pain in his chest, the shock of the situation, the noises and the overwhelming emotions - it's all too much. He curls into himself, wrenching his body away from Jeongin's hands like he's been burnt.

"Wha's going on?" Hyunjin asks, standing at the top of the stairs. Jisung isn't with him, so at least that's one less child to worry about. "Daddy? Wha's going on?"

Felix has come back to his senses before Chan can reply. Seungmin is a sobbing mess on the floor, and Felix stumbles backwards, still clutching Olivia's bear to his chest. He's still angry. He hadn't meant to hit Seungmin with the shoe, and that had taken the edge of his fury off, but the emotions are still there. With nowhere else to go, he sprints up the stairs himself - shoving past Hyunjin in his haste. 

As soon as he disappears, the hall seems too quiet.

The sound of Seungmin crying is about a million miles away. Chan's head is still ringing from the shock. His body is only just beginning to come back into focus, finally releasing him from the state of frozen horror. His mind is only just starting to processing what had happened. 

He hadn't done anything to stop the situation from escalating. 

He'd stood and _watched_ as his kids tore each other to pieces. He'd watched as Minho pressed too hard, knowing how cruel the words coming out of his mouth would be. He'd let Seungmin - an innocent bystander - get injured, and he hadn't even moved to attempt to block the throw. 

"Daddy!"

How long has he been standing there, lost in his thoughts? Certainly long enough for Hyunjin to ask again, leaning dangerously over the bannister to try and get a better view of the situation.

"Wha's going on? People were screaming, and Jisung got scared..."

Judging by Hyunjin's voice, it wasn't just Jisung who got scared. Hyunjin's hands are shaking, his eyes flicking between the pile of luggage in the hallway and Seungmin leaning against the wall.

Chan's mind is still racing, but he forces it back to the ground, struggling to form every word that leaves his mouth. This isn't the time to be thinking about his own actions. Stop thinking and start _doing_. "Listen, Jinnie, I'll tell you later. Just-" What can he do? What even is there to do? "Can you take Jeongin with you to your room? Play a game or something. Please."

Hyunjin stares back at him. He doesn't want to leave, but knows it's the right thing to do. He nods his head slowly, and disappears back behind the bannister.

Beside Chan, Jeongin hasn't moved to follow him. He's frozen in shock, eyes wide. Judging by the blank look on his face, he might not have even realised the conversation between Chan and Hyunjin happened. He certainly hadn't heard his own name.

"Jeongin," Chan turns to the youngest child, who's partly hidden behind the doorway. His eyes widen when he realises Chan is addressing him, and hurries to wipe away the tears from his cheek. "Sweetheart, why don't you go and play with Jinnie and Sungie?"

He tries to keep his voice as soft as possible, tries to ignore Seungmin crying on the floor behind him. Jeongin is still four, he's still as likely to be overwhelmed as any other kid. Although Chan wants nothing more than to pull him into his arms and tell him it'll be alright, he just doesn't have the time. The best course of action here is to try and distract him, and get him... out of the way.

"They're in their bedroom," Chan tells him. "I'm sure they're playing a fun game. Why don't you go and see what it is, hmm?"

Jeongin probably doesn’t want to. He wants a tight hug and for Chan to reassure him that everything is fine. He probably wants the last five minutes to have never happened. But he's a good boy, and he starts climbing the stairs when Chan asks him. 

"Thank you."

He's smart enough not to complain. He's also not likely to tell Hyunjin and Jisung exactly what had happened - which is a _great_ thing. Chan cannot handle more children deciding to join in at the moment. The longer Hyunjin and Jisung keep playing in their room, the better.

He watches, unmoving, until he's sure that Jeongin's tiny shark-printed socks have disappeared. He can barely hear the sound of a door opening and closing over the noise of the rest of the house, but it's still audible. Jeongin is gone. Jisung and Hyunjin are safe, caught up playing a game and unlikely to come back down. 

Right. What's next.

There's no time to stop and think. Chan's mind is already racing, trying to process the information of what's just happened. Changbin is in his bedroom. Minho is in his - _well, Chan's_ \- bedroom. Felix is in Minho's bedroom. Seungmin-

Well, Chan knows exactly where Seungmin is. 

The question now is: who to help first? Chan glances up, at each of the doors down the upstairs landing. There are currently four children that need attention, and each one of them is equally as important as the next. How is he supposed to choose between them? Who is he supposed to comfort first?

As much as it hurts to realise, Chan already has his answer. Seungmin is still on the floor, beside him. He's obviously overwhelmed, but it doesn't appear that he's having a meltdown. If Chan waits any longer, that might not be the case. As long as he can calm Seungmin down as soon as possible, hopefully he can avoid any further disasters. 

First things first, he needs to stay with him.

Then- who knows what? There's no point going after Felix just yet. He needs time to calm down and get his head straight all over again, otherwise he'll only direct his anger towards Chan. He'll need comforting at some point, but not right now.

Minho is fragile. If he leaves him for too long, he'll have convinced himself that Chan doesn't care about him. Every time Chan thinks he's over his fear of abandonment, it keeps haunting him. Maybe he should look into other ways of improving his mental state. At the same time, however, he knows he did something wrong. No matter how Chan looks at it, he shouldn't have taunted Felix like that. 

Changbin has done nothing wrong, unlike the others. Chan can only imagine what's going through the six-year-old's head. The fear could be overwhelming - and again, every second they spend away from him is another second he stays terrified. Changbin had even left before the rest of the children had. Unlike Minho, he has no idea of what might be keeping Chan away.

It certainly makes the conclusion he had to reach easier.

Changbin is who he'll go to next, once Seungmin has calmed down a little.

There's no telling how long it'll take, Chan already knows that. Changbin is nothing less than a wildcard, still seemingly hiding his true personality from the world. He's reacted like this before, in various situations, but each incident seems to have no relation to the last. Hopefully he'll be able to get back to Minho and Felix after a while, but...

He'll deal with it when he gets to it. It's what he has to do. It's what he owes to the kids. Hopefully it'll make up for some of his failures in the last five minutes.

Maybe he should think about himself a little more, as well. He's been doing that a lot lately, but who can blame him. Everything just seems to be so overwhelming at the moment. Chan needs some alone time at some point, just enough to sort out his thoughts about how he'd frozen. He can't let that happen again. He needs to work out a way that means it _never_ has to happen again.

But not right now.

Now he's just got to try and calm Seungmin.

It feels horrible, trying to rush. This is the kind of action that should take _time_ and _trust_. Chan needs to be able to understand what Seungmin's upset about, or he might make things worse. He needs to work out how to break through the wails of sorrow. He needs to get the various items they have for this exact purpose - Seungmin's dinosaur toys for reassurance, enough space to stop the five-year-old from going into sensory overload, his noise-blocking headphones.

"Minnie," says Chan. He doesn't even know what he expects as a response. Seungmin would never respond when he's this far into a melt-down, so why was Chan even bothering to ask? "Minnie, _please._ "

First things first. 

Concentrate on the crying child in front of him, then he can worry about Changbin, and _then_ he can worry about the angry children upstairs. He needs to get his head out of the clouds, and focus on the situation in front of him.

This isn't about him.

Right now, it's about Seungmin.

He's crying. He's rocking backwards and forwards, pressed up against the wall behind him. The shoe is only a few feet away, but Chan doubts that's even the issue anymore. By the way Seungmin's holding his hands over his ears, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, it's all simply become too much. The change in the routine, combined with the loud noises of shouting and the pain from being hit with the shoe, Chan can easily understand why he'd been overwhelmed.

"Minnie," says Chan. Seungmin might not be able to hear him properly, but it's still worth explaining. "I'm going to get some things to help you."

It's not phrased as a question. There's no decision to be made about it. 

By the time Chan returns, Seungmin still hasn't moved from his position, rocking backwards and forwards in a soothing rhythm. He shows no sign of interest in Chan. There's no indication that he'd even realised that he'd been left alone. Chan crouches down beside him, putting the items he'd collected down onto the floor.

The corridor isn't the best place for this. There isn't an easy way to reduce sensory stimulation, like there might be in one of the bedrooms or the lounge. But Chan deals with what he has. The curtain across the front door is closed, blocking the afternoon sunshine. He walks up and down the corridor as quietly as possible, shutting every door he can find. There's nothing that can be done about the stairs, but luckily the angle of the windows means that minimal light enters at this time of the day anyway.

Once the hallway is suitable dark, Chan can actually focus on Seungmin himself. 

"Minnie." No response, and that's still not surprising. Seungmin's hands are still over his ears, although he's not rocking himself with such reckless abandon any more. Even if his eyes aren't open, he probably knows that there's someone beside him. 

Chan picks up on of the dinosaur toys he'd brought with him It's not just any old toy, either. Seungmin has plenty of figurines and stuffed toys that could equally provide a distraction, but he'd found some dinosaur stim toys last year. It would be an understatement to say that Seungmin loved them. Each of the set was a different type of dino, and each provided a different sensory comfort. 

One of them lit up in different soft colours. One of them had a large spinning wheel instead of the familiar spines down its back. One was a squeeze toy. Each one was individual, and conveniently close enough to the corridor that Chan had been able to grab them in his short time away.

"Minnie," he repeats, "I'm going to give you your dinosaurs, okay?"

It's the soft one that he picks up, first of all. Seungmin's always been hypersensitive to touch, and Chan doesn't want to shock him with one of the rougher surfaces. When Seungmin realises what he's holding, then he can be given the chance to stim with the others. 

He brings it up to Seungmin. The five-year-old is still rocking, pressing himself up to the wall as if he'd like to sink into it. Chan's heart is in his mouth. Hands shaking, he brushes the soft material of the dino across Seungmin's cheek, just light enough that the touch can only just be felt.

Like a flash, Seungmin grabs the toy. His hands come down from his ears. One of them flexes his fingers against the plushie, squeezing and relaxing his muscles in a rhythmic pattern. The other flaps up and down near his chest. 

Success.

"I'm going to put your headphones on, now."

It's already silent in the hallway. Or at least, it is in Chan's opinion.

For Seungmin there's the ticking of the clock, the hum of electricity in the wires threaded through the walls, the gurgle of the water in the pipes, the quiet sound of a murmured conversation in the room above them. It's all too loud, just like the slither of light in the darkened room is probably too bright. Chan can't ever hope to truly understand what it must be like for him, but he'll be damned if he's not going to try his best to make it more manageable.

He picks up the headphones. Just like the dinosaur toy, the headphones are specialised to make them more sensory-calming. There's soft foam and cotton on each of the earphones, and the headband has been designed so that it barely even needs to touch the top of Seungmin's head.

Seungmin doesn't struggle as Chan slips them over his ears, which is a great sign. Although it'll take a while for him to totally calm down, the fact that he isn't resisting Chan's touch means it's unlikely he'll descend deeper into the meltdown. It's one bit of good news against the horror of the rest of the day.

Chan sits back, once the headphones are secure. The small pile of toys nearby stares back at him. He'd decided to bring Minnie's weighted blanket with him, just in case it was needed, and the other dinosaurs from the set look discarded on the floor, although that couldn't be further than the truth.

Seungmin looks pretty content with his stimming, at the moment. Although the weighted blanket would be a good substitution for Chan's hug, it would mean that his hand movements would probably need to stop. It's hard to know whether that would make the situation better or worse, especially now that he realises he's going to need to leave Seungmin alone for a while.

Chan pauses. He considers the situation. Seungmin looks like he's enjoying the stimming, so the blanket probably isn't needed. He lays it down beside him, instead, close enough that Seungmin can grab it once he feels a little better. The other dinosaurs are quickly lined up in their correct order, the ones with electronic parts easily switched on. 

There.

He takes a step back. Seungmin looks a lot less agitated than before. He's stopped crying, at least, and that's definitely a good sign. Chan moves back again. He's heading to the stairs without even realising it, beginning the journey upstairs without fully knowing what he's doing.

The trip up the stairs is even worse than he'd imagined. It feels like he's being torn into three pieces: one that wants to stay with Seungmin and give him the comfort he deserves, one that wants to comfort Felix and reassure him, one that wants to talk to Minho about why he may have acted in the way he did.

With every step, he doubts his decision to leave Seungmin alone. He pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind, clenching and unclenching his fists to try and gain a little more confidence.

Seungmin is going to be fine. Chan has left him with everything he'll need. Even if he feels like the worst parent in the world for leaving him at the bottom of the stairs, some space is probably what the five-year-old needs.

He now needs to check up on Changbin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not an expert on meltdowns, or how to deal with children having them. although i did do some research and tried to make it as accurate as possible, im not claiming in any way that this is an accurate portrayal.
> 
> if there's anything that i might have portrayed incorrectly, please tell me, so i can work to improve my own understanding and writing in the future.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild tw for mentioned use of drugs

Chan knocks on Changbin's door. There's no reply, as expected, but hopefully just the sound of his presence will have calmed the six-year-old. They have a special knock, just between the two of them. Changbin and Chan. Although Changbin hasn't opened up to them as much as they would have liked, it's one of the few bits of progress Chan is truly proud of.

Three short knocks. A pause, and then two longer ones.

There's no way that any of Changbin's fears could know that exact pattern, considering they only use the knock on special occasions. Along with the fact that Chan has his own distinct composition of pauses and taps, there's much more information in a simple knock than anyone else could hope to understand.

It doesn't stop Chan from listening out for a reply, however, and it doesn't stop him from being disappointed when he's greeted with silence. 

"Changbin?"

No reply. Chan opens the door slowly, as controlled and calm as he can possibly be, and takes in the sight in front of him.

Changbin's bedroom is as clean as any other six-year-olds. It's not as neat a Seungmin's, or the organised chaos of Hyunjin and Jisung's room. There doesn't seem to be much order to the mess on the floor, but there's relatively little of what is there, the rest having been put away neatly. There's homework lying open on the desk in the corner of the room. Changbin's school bag hasn't even made it to the table, instead lying discarded by the door.

It's not a particularly large room. Until about June of last year, it hadn't even been a bedroom. It was an office for his work instead, although it had ended up more as storage space than anything else. 

When he'd decided to foster Changbin, all of that had to be moved to the attic. Chan's desk stayed in the corner, now proudly displaying Changbin's homework, but all of the books and folders has been transferred to other places. The walls of Changbin's room were a strangely faded blue as a result, there were tiles on the floor instead of carpet, and years of bookshelves had left some strange marks on the paintwork.

The shelves were, even after over six months of living here, mostly empty. Changbin didn't have much to put on them. 

The size of the room makes it very easy for Chan to do a quick scan of the insides. The shelves are all too close to the wall to make a suitably sized hiding space. The navy beanbag in the corner doesn't have the distinctively lumpy shape of a child hidden underneath it. The wardrobe's door is slightly ajar, but the fact that it's so crammed full of clothes means that there's nowhere for Changbin to be hiding.

Besides all of that, the sniffling coming from underneath the bed provides a pretty large clue as to where Changbin has gotten to.

"Changbin?"

Just like that, the sniffling stops. The tension in the room increases tenfold, and Chan can almost hear the gasp as Changbin holds his breath. The sheets of the bed lie perfectly still. If he didn't know any better, he would have assumed that the bedroom was empty a long time ago. 

"Binnie, it's Chan."

He makes sure to cross the room slowly, at the same time keeping every one of his footsteps deliberately audible. The covers are still frozen in place. It's not an overwhelmingly large bed, at least one of the blankets must be pushed up against Changbin's body. Even just motion of his chest rising and falling should be causing movement. But the bedsheets stay still, and Changbin stays invisible.

The covers are empty of one thing, Chan notices. Gyu usually stays tucked in between the wall and the duvet, too precious to ever leave the sweet safety of Changbin's bed. From this new position, however, Chan can see that the familiar space is empty. 

"Binnie." He's by the bed now, brushing the sheets gently. "I'm not going to make you come out until you're ready, but it's just me. There's no one else here."

No movement. Of course, if there were someone here, that's exactly what they'd have told him to say. How is Changbin supposed to know the difference without accidentally revealing his hiding place? The only option for him is to ignore the sound of Chan's voice, just on the off-chance that he's not as alone as he's claiming he is. 

Luckily, they've planned for this.

This is far from the first time this situation has happened. And as much as Chan would love for this set of events to never plague Changbin again, they're not naive enough to actually believe that. After Changbin had run off the first few times, almost every other day when he'd first moved into the house, the two of them had come up with the knocks and code words.

Changbin knows that Chan would never use the statement if there were other people in the room. He may forget that sometimes, when the warnings of his mother get a bit too loud, but he trusts Chan.

"Wow," Chan says, crouching down. This isn't an easy situation, and he knows it's unlikely to be resolved anytime soon. Changbin needs to be allowed to take his time and move at his own pace. "The sky looks pink today."

There's no indication that Changbin has heard him, so Chan just needs to be patient. He settles himself down comfortably onto the floor, resting his back against the leg of the bed and stretching out. His legs have been feeling awfully stiff lately. He's been leaning over too much, but that's just a side effect of looking after so many kids. 

Beside him, the covers shift.

It's just the tiniest amount. One of the sheets has been lifted up slightly, only centimetres off the tiled floor. The space underneath the bed is dark, so Chan can't make out exactly what position Changbin has managed to cram himself into, but there's definitely an eye looking back at him. It blinks slowly, still afraid to move. Taking in the room, making sure that there are no hidden monsters. 

He probably won't ever fully trust Chan's word, but that's okay.

"It's empty, baby," Chan says, when the sheet drops again. "There's no one here except me, you and Gyu."

The sheet shifts again, this time with more reckless abandon. It's Changbin trying to get into a more comfortable position, probably. He most likely hasn't moved since he first hid underneath the covers, convinced that even the slightest twitch of a muscle would give away his position. His arms must have been cramping up something terrible. There's something admirable in his determination, even if it breaks Chan's heart to think about.

"Can I pull the sheets up a little bit?" Chan asks, when the movement eventually stops. "I want to see your cute little face, even if it's just a little bit."

He wants to make sure that Changbin is just as alright as he says he is. It's a lot easier to tell that a child is lying when you can see their face.

It works. Changbin lifts the sheet just enough for Chan to see that he's nodding. "Don't pull it too much," he says, when Chan lifts the blanket higher than a couple of inches. Most of his face is visible at this point, pressed up flat against the cool surface of the tiles. "I _am_ very cute."

There's a tremor in his voice. His cheeks are flushed, nose red. There's no trace of tears on his cheeks - that's much too loud for a child trying to stay as hidden as possible - but that's almost worse. Although Chan hates to see any of the children crying, he's relieved when Changbin starts to tear up. He was obviously terrified, only pulling himself through the situation out of pure unadulterated fear. Now that his mind's realising he wasn't in mortal danger, the suppressed emotion can finally be allowed to slip through the gaps. 

His bottom lip is trembling. Now that Chan can see slightly further into the space underneath the bed, it's painfully obvious how tightly he's clutching Gyu. Changbin is falling apart, only held together with fraying pieces of fearful string.

"Oh, Binnie," Chan says. "It's okay."

And Changbin bursts into tears.

His face crumples, his body curling up even further into the already-tiny space. It's the kind of crying that breaks Chan's heart. Where there's nothing he can even do to help, as the tears that are falling are so silent they could almost be missed. Changbin's chest heaves, his whole body shakes. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut. He looks so tiny and fragile, surrounded by white bedsheets and cold tiles. 

Chan puts his hand on Changbin's back, somewhat gingerly. "Hey, it's okay," he hushes, not sure quite what else to say when Changbin might not even be able to hear him over the sound of his tears. "It's okay now, baby. You're safe."

Changbin's tears only rise in volume as he opens his mouth. The words are punctuated with sobs, his bottom lip wavering so badly that every other syllable is morphed almost beyond recognition. "The-" He tries to say, "The- va-"

"The van?"

Changbin nods. "Gonna get- they're _gonna get me_."

Chan rubs his hand up and down Changbin's back, but it doesn't seem to be doing much. He takes it back in favour of holding up the sheet above Changbin's head, which seems determined on slipping down. He hadn't been stood with the others; he hadn't seen a van arrive at the house. He can, however, work out what must have happened.

"Oh, baby. That van wasn't coming for you, I promise. It was from Yellow Wood. They had some of Felix's things, and they wanted to make sure that it arrived at the house safely."

Changbin shakes his head, "They're _gonna get me_."

It's times like these that Chan doesn't know if he'll ever be able to fully forgive Changbin's mother.

To a point, what happened was not her fault. She was already a young single mother, cast out by her parents and stranded in the streets with not much more than the clothes on her back. She ended up with living in somewhere clearly not suitable for a child, working three jobs just to keep a roof over her head. Shortly after Changbin was born, it all went wrong.

Chan can't imagine the immense stress she must have been under. Seeking quiet from the crying baby, all alone in the cruel world, there's not much of a surprise that she turned to drugs in her darkest hour. From Changbin's first birthday to when he was seized by the child protection services, there wasn't more than one day in a row where she was sober. 

The drugs provided a way out. It must have been so easy to get addicted, when the very world around you seems like it's crumbling at the seams. 

Changbin's mother loved him. She loved him so much, in fact, that when the drugs began to seep into her very perception of what was real and what wasn't, she was prepared to do anything for him. On days where she was more sober, she'd teach Changbin all he needed to know, putting him in front of the television for hours on end just so he could learn a little more. From what Changbin had told them, her good days were better than good. 

But on the bad days, they were worse than bad. The drugs messed with her mind, making her delusional and paranoid. Every van passing in front of their house was from the government, ready to kidnap her and her son, taking them to a facility to be brainwashed. Every person looking out for them became a potential enemy. Every house became unsafe, and so she'd pick up her child and run to the next city in a long line of terror. 

She taught Changbin to hide. She made sure that when the government came to take him away, he'd hide himself somewhere safe. He wouldn't get hurt, that way.

Chan knows that she was trying to protect him. To her, the delusions had been real. Her life had been ruled by terror, and she was desperate to keep her son safe.

But when he sees Changbin like this, curled up in mute fear, crying in panic from a threat that never even existed, it's hard to fully sympathise with her reasoning. 

"Binnie," Chan says, "They're not going to get you. No one is coming to take you away. You're safe."

"They're _gonna-_ "

"No."

Changbin may be almost inconsolable, but Chan isn't ready to give up just yet. The tone of his voice is different from the last time he spoke. It's harsher, colder, and serves its purpose of getting Changbin's attention perfectly. 

"They're gonna-"

"No, they're not. It's not real, baby. There's no one coming to get you."

Changbin knows all of this already. They've had this conversation a thousand times before. When he'd first arrived at the house last summer there were days where he could be found hiding underneath the covers of his bed at least three times a day. He'd even been convinced that Chan was working with the government to brainwash him at one point, although that hadn't lasted long with the help of an amazing therapist.

One day, once he'd warmed up to the rest of the family a little, Chan had even found him trying to convince the other children to join him. It hadn't been successful, thankfully. But that did nothing to discourage Changbin from attempting to drag Jeongin beneath the bed when a particularly loud van passed by. 

Incidents these days are much rarer. It's most likely that the stress from a new child being in the house had caused Changbin to fall back into the clutches of his fears. The therapist had assured them that relapses in his habits were perfectly normal, but that didn't make them any easier to watch. 

Changbin's sobs decrease in volume a little. They sit there for a while longer, nothing moving except the stuttering of Changbin's chest and Chan rubbing tiny soothing circles onto his back. The terror that had caused the six-year-old to run away is slowly beginning to disappear. Now that he's not hiding for his life, he's able to think a lot more clearly, and can reorder his thoughts to make more sense. 

"It's not real," Chan repeats when Changbin's tears finally come to a stop. "Baby, you're safe."

"I want my mom." Changbin brushes a stray tear from his face. He sniffles miserably, clutching Gyu closer to his chest. "I miss her."

He most likely always will. Even with how she treated him at times, Changbin will always recognise her as his mother. The first six years of his life had been with her. Hopefully, a lot more will also be spent with her in the future. 

She might not have been the best person, and even now, Chan still can't understand why she refuses to even see Changbin again. It's easier, he supposes. If he were in the same place, he doubts that he'd want his child to see him in such a state. Rehab is a scary place, and a scary state of mind to be in. From what the social workers had explained to Chan, she was afraid that Changbin seeing her when she wasn't fully sober yet would just damage his heart even more. It had been explained to them that she thought she'd done enough damage. She couldn't bear to face her son when she wasn't in her right mind.

But she also didn't see how that decision was affecting Changbin. She doesn't quite realise how much the six-year-old would give to get another hug with his mom. 

"I know," says Chan. Changbin's head is sticking far enough out from the bottom of the bed that he can run his fingers through his hair. The movement is small, but hopefully soothing enough. There's not much Chan can do here. He can't make her change her mind, even as he watches Changbin crumble a little more with every passing day. 

"I want to see her again," Changbin says, "It's been so long. I wan- I _want_ her."

Chan refuses to let his hand stop moving. "Oh, baby. She wants to see you again as well. And you know she gets your letters, so part of you is always with her, if you think about it."

This only seems to upset Changbin even more. "But she never writes back!"

She doesn't. Every week, Changbin writes his letters. He takes out his diary, where he's written down everything that's happened over the last week, and picks out the best bits to tell her. He spends hours making sure his handwriting is perfectly legible, and more often than not there are drawings attached as well. Every week, he makes sure that he posts the letters himself, with the right stamp and everything. 

He's only gotten a reply once.

It was when he'd first been placed in a foster home. His mother had written to explain that she would never stop loving him, that no matter what happened she'd always love him. There had been a short explanation as to why she had to leave him, although she must have known that Changbin would be told all of this by the caseworkers anyway. And there had been an apology.

"I know, baby." Chan stops moving his hand, letting Changbin rest his head on the carpet. His eyes are stained red from tears, and even if he's not visibly crying anymore, the upset will take a while to recover from. Chan can't blame him. "I know."

-

There's a sick feeling in his inside of him. 

It makes his stomach churn, his very bones all ache-y and sore. His head hurts as well, beating in strong throbs that match the pace of his heart. He'd had to put a hand over his chest to make sure that it was still beating a couple of moments ago. After all that had happened, he didn't think he'd be surprised to find out that someone had stolen it. 

The feeling reminds him of when he and Jisung ate a whole packet of cookies each a couple of years ago. He'd thought it was a good idea at the time - they both had - but only halfway through the packets, they'd both started feeling strangely sick. The chocolate still tasted nice, but there had been an odd feeling in his throat and his mouth had started to taste all icky. It hadn't been enough to stop them eating, however. They had both ended up kneeling in front of toilet bowls that night. 

That was what this reminded him of. Except he hadn't eaten any cookies, and the real reason why he felt so ill was because of something so much worse. 

_"You should just go and join your sisters."_

Minho knows exactly why he said it. At the time, he had meant it, overcome with a fury that refused to lie still on his tongue. Felix had deserved it. It had been his fault that Changbin had run off. Without Felix, Changbin would have been just fine. Minho couldn't let Felix harm Changbin like that, especially when his Daddy hadn’t seemed to care at _all._

It had been worth it at the time. 

Seeing the look of shock on Felix's face, that had been what Minho was after. The result of all that pent-up hatred coming out, and finally Felix would realise how mean he was being to Minho. He'd stolen his bedroom, he was determined on taking all of Daddy's attention for himself, and he'd hurt Changbin. 

It had been worth it, since Felix had deserved every last word.

Minho isn't quite sure when that had changed. Somewhere between Felix finally getting what he deserved and Felix throwing the shoe at his head, something was different. For a moment, it had been like they were the only two in the room. There had been no one else around them.

Felix had looked at Minho. His eyes were dark, his face screwed up like he'd tasted a really, _really_ sour lemon. When Minho had looked into his eyes, there was nothing there except anger and hatred. He looked right back at Minho with all the fury Minho had spoken to him with. 

It had been like looking into a mirror, in a way. That was when the funny feeling in his stomach had started - when Felix had looked at him with the same hatred Minho had been directing at him only a few moments earlier. 

When Felix had picked up the shoe, Minho found himself unable to move. 

And when it hit the side of his cheek, pain as bright as his favourite red crayon, he couldn't help but wonder whether he deserved it.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

  
  
It had hurt more than he'd expected. The feeling of the shoe against his cheek came as a shock, and Minho is certain that the element of surprise made the impact hurt at least ten times more than normal.

He couldn't stop his hand from reaching up and brushing over the wound. It _hurt._ That was the one coherent thought that his brain could really focus on. The bright agony of his cheek and the furious look of Felix standing in front of him. If he as a little younger - seven and a half is quite old after all, and Minho is much too sensible to ever think this foolishly himself - he might think that he was bleeding. That was how much it hurt. The only other time he can think of being in this much pain is....

Well, he's not quite sure how to answer that question.

He's hurt himself before. He's taken countless hits meant for his brothers from the mean people at school, and he's fallen down the stairs more than once. He'd even sprained his wrist trying to climb a tree once. That had hurt, and he hadn't been able to do anything for _weeks_ afterwards. It had been more boring than anything else, in the end.

But when he'd fallen out of the tree, that had been different. He'd had Daddy then. He'd scooped him up off of the ground and carried him to the car, brushed his hair from his forehead and told him that everything would be okay. He was young, then. It had been before even Jisung and Seungmin, and Minho couldn't actually remember much more of the actual incident.

He remembered being shocked, and the initial bite of pain.

Here, it's different. He's much older now, and as such a big boy, he can actually _understand_ how much the impact on his cheek stings. There's a queasy nausea in his stomach. His mouth tastes disgusting - like he's accidentally put one of Hyunjin's smelly socks onto his tongue - and yet sickeningly familiar at the same time. His Daddy is just standing there in the corner of the room. Minho surprises himself by wishing he wasn't. He'd thought he'd want his Daddy to see how much it hurt, to rush over and comfort Minho, but for some reason he wishes that there was no one else here to witness the exchange.

Minho's stomach hurts again. He's still not quite sure why, but looking anywhere but down at his feet makes the strange feeling even worse.

Felix reaches for another shoe.

Minho is fast, though. His body had been turning without him even thinking about it. He simply reaches up, feels the searing heat of the wound on his cheek, and sprints away as fast as he can. The stairs barely even seem to pass beneath him. It's not like he can see them through the clouds of - _not_ tears. Minho refuses to cry. It doesn't seem right, somehow. He's a big boy, he doesn't need to cry like a baby any more. And for some reason, the tears make the feeling in his stomach even worse.

He doesn't want to look at Felix any more. Even just the thought of his stupid face makes Minho even more angry.

And he _is_ angry. He's angry, which is exactly why he had to say what he said, which is why he had to tell Felix what everyone was thinking. He has to be angry, because he's not quite sure what the other feeling bubbling up in his chest really is.

He gets to the hall in record speed and throws himself into his room without a second thought. The door slams shut behind him, and the sound makes him feel good. It's loud enough to make the walls shake, and he feels powerful. Daddy definitely heard the sound. He should realise how annoyed he is, and how he should have stood up for him when Felix had thrown the shoe. Maybe, if he's really lucky, he'll just send Felix right back home straight away.

The feeling doesn't last very long, however.

Almost as soon as the _bang_ sounds, that strange, heavy feeling in Minho's chest gets a little more potent. He can recognise this new wave of the feeling easily; Hyunjin and Jisung are upstairs playing, they're bound to be scared by the sudden noise and Minho hates the thought of accidentally making one of them cry.

If he could go back and shut the door quietly, he would. He doesn't want to hurt them. That's not what a big brother does, even if it _was_ an accident.

He decides not to focus on the fact that the feeling was already there in his chest. He didn't _mean_ to shut the door that loudly, he's already decided that there's nothing that can be done about the sound. That ill feeling in his chest, there's really no reason for it to be there.

There's really no reason for Felix's face to be there, either.

He _hates_ Felix.

It's easy enough to distract himself. His bed is right there. The covers are soft, so he buries his face in the duvet. He's still small enough that he can lie on the mattress without almost slipping off the side, and so he makes full use of that fact, stretching his limbs out as far as they can go.

The curtains are wide open. There's an annoying beam of light that goes right into his eyes, making it hard to see... well, anything, really. He can't see the rest of his room because of it, but that's okay. He knows the layout of the house like the back of his hand. Every inch of his room is burned into his mind. 

It takes a few seconds of rubbing his face into the covers for the motion to get boring.

It doesn't feel _right_. That feeling in his stomach is making everything feel funny, and he can't even relax without feeling like he's about to throw up. The covers are much too scratchy, now that he thinks about it. The bed feels foreign. Minho's slept in hotel rooms before, crammed into small spaces with his brothers (keeping the giggling down, of course, so Daddy doesn't find out about the secret sleepovers), and this is a similar feeling. 

Something is wrong. If he looks past the queasy feeling, he thinks there might be something he's forgotten. 

He's about to get up when the door swings open, and Minho almost jumps out of his skin.

Finally. He was beginning to wonder what was taking Daddy so long. Usually he'd be here to comfort him in no time at all. He doesn't pause to think about the fact that - for some reason - he doesn't want to see his dad at all. Something about it makes the feeling in his stomach a little worse.

It takes him a moment to realise that it's not Daddy in the doorway. The sun is in his eyes, that's the problem, and by the time he's raised his hand to shield his vision and actually try and make out the person's face, the door has slammed shut again.

With even more force that Minho had first applied.

Minho almost yells at them. How could they have not thought about Jisung and Hyunjin, especially since their room was so close to his? How selfish did they have to be to slam the door, especially to a room that wasn't even theirs? And - Minho's mind supplies, once he's squinted a little more - how angry did they have to be to shut it _that_ hard?

Instead, he bites down his anger. "Hey!" He begins, turning around in what seems like slow-motion, "Don't-"

It never really works out that way. The words never actually leave his mouth, and all Minho's thoughts come to a screeching halt. He really, _really_ should have checked who was standing in the doorway before ever opening his big mouth.

Felix has eyes like thunder.

It doesn't look like he'd realised the room was occupied either, as the way his face sours as soon as he spots Minho is almost comical. He hadn't been angry before. His eyes are red - maybe he's been crying? - but Minho's kind of afraid to look too closely. He hasn't forgotten the sting of his cheek yet. And if Felix has been crying, then-

"Why are you here?" Felix says. The emphasis is all wrong, his voice sounds thick with emotion, and Minho can barely make out the words through the strong accent. 

_Why are you here?_

"This is _my_ -" Minho starts. 

Except, it's not. He doesn't even have his own room to go to any more. No wonder the bed sheets had felt strangely scratchy - that's what he'd been missing the whole time. Felix, as well as stealing all the attention and love from his dad, had also taken Minho's room from him. It didn't matter that he had agreed when he'd been asked, all that Minho could think of was that Felix didn't deserve to have Minho's room. 

These were _Minho's_ posters on the walls! That scuff mark on the wall, that was from when _Minho_ had tried to do a handstand and lost balance after Jisung and Seungmin decided it would be funny to tickle him. The space between the pillow and the wall, that's where Soonie, Doongie and Dori should be sat. 

Why couldn't Felix just go back to his own room, and _leave Minho alone?_

It takes a moment for Minho to realise that Felix doesn't have his own room. 

From there, the thought spirals. Does Felix have any posters? The scuff marks on the walls of Felix's room - from where he might have tried to do a handstand only for his sisters to decide it would be funny to tickle him - are all the way back in Australia. Minho knows that's a long way. It's like if the trip to the supermarket (which was already boring and long enough) was... multiplied by a _million_. The space where Soonie, Doongie and Dori should be is only empty because-

Well, Minho doesn't want to think about that. His mouth tastes funny, like when he'd accidentally drank milk that had been a few days out of date. Flashing through his mind, like big light-up signs, are the words he'd spat at the five-year-old only a few minutes ago. 

It makes the strange feeling in his stomach do backflips.

Before Minho realises he's been lost in his thoughts, Felix is taking another step forward. His hands are curled into tiny fists. He shouldn't look threatening at all, really: he's so much shorter and younger than Minho that there should be no question about who'd win if they actually got into a fight. But there's a look on his face that says Felix has absolutely nothing to lose, and that scares Minho more than someone twice his size ever could. 

"Felix," he says. He's frozen to the bedsheets. With every passing moment he feels a little more uncomfortable, but with Felix blocking the way to the door, he's trapped. 

Felix glares at him. His hands are shaking. There's a pile of toys near his feet - organised, Minho would try to call them - and with a sickening jolt, Minho realises that maybe that was what Felix was trying to achieve by taking a step closer. He knows that _he_ wouldn't be able to resist the temptation. Felix has already thrown one item at him today. There's nothing to say that he won't throw a second. 

They glance at the pile at the same time. Minho is sure that his eyes are wide with fear. His hand has gone up to cradle the sore spot on his cheek, his mind helpfully providing the sound of the shoe making contact with his face. He flinches, without meaning to.

Felix doesn't move towards the pile.

His hands are shaking even more badly, now. When Minho uncurls himself from his position - braced for impact from one of the heavier toys - he finds that something in his look has changed. His eyes are still bright red, so he's obviously been doing some crying. And the way that he almost looks... scared of himself is different too. 

The anger of seeing Minho in his room has faded, just as Minho's anger at seeing Felix has morphed into something else. When all the fury leaves, all that remains is two uncertain boys staring back at one another. 

"I-" Minho starts, not quite sure what he wants to say. 

It's strange, but he knows what the feeling in his stomach is, now.

It wasn't a rush of realisation, like he might have thought. There was no icy bucket of water being tipped over his head, and he certainly didn't get a moment where the penny suddenly dropped. Instead, Minho wonders how he didn't realise what he was feeling before.

It's guilt.

"I-" He tries again. He's supposed to be the best big brother, isn't he? Because although having so many younger siblings may be hard at times, although he might sometimes feel like there's not enough attention for all of them, although he might sometimes feel like he's the only one Daddy didn't want, he's still their big brother. He's supposed to be there for them, no matter what. He's the one that knows all the best ways to steal cookies from the cookie jar, so he's got to be the best big brother. 

And as much as he hates to admit it, he's supposed to be a big brother to Felix as well. 

He'd just wanted to protect his real brothers, hadn't he? Felix was the one that had made Changbin cry, if he hadn't been there then Minho wouldn't have told him what he did. Wouldn't he? None of his brothers had seemed to mind Felix beforehand. Hyunjin and Jisung had seemed to stick to him like glue, even. 

What had Felix really done to make Minho hate him so much?

Worst of all is the realisation that Daddy won't be proud of him. He doesn't know why he'd ever think otherwise, really. He wants Felix to have a nice home, and if Minho is the one making the home not-so-nice, then he can already see the disappointment on their faces. 

"I-" It's like there's a hairball stuck in his throat. Minho had once tried to lick Soonie, Doongie and Dori clean, after seeing it on a nature TV programme, and he'd ended up coughing on fake fur for hours afterwards. This feels similar. No matter how much he tries, the words just don't want to leave his mouth.

But this is what he has to do. Minho _will_ be the best big brother. 

"I'm sorry."

It's mildly amusing that Felix's expression doesn't change for a good few seconds. He stares blankly, and Minho can only imagine what's going through his mind. He's got to know what 'I'm sorry' is in Korean. Maybe he's so surprised that he's sure he's gotten the translation wrong. Then, when the realisation that Minho is apologising actually sinks in, he frowns. 

"No."

 _No? What's 'no'_ supposed to mean?

Maybe he really _does_ think he's gotten the translation wrong. Minho frowns, searching the depths of his mind for his basic English skills. " _I am sorry._ "

Felix's face doesn't change. He _had_ meant to say 'no' after all. But now, as Minho looks closer, he realises that the five-year-old doesn't have the energy to repeat himself again. Already, his shoulders are slumping forwards. The anger must have taken a lot out of him, and Minho's presence on his bed can't be doing any good to his mental state. When you add the confusion of the apology, it's not surprising that Felix looks like he might pass out from exhaustion at any second. 

When Felix eventually shakes his head, the movement almost causes him to topple over.

Minho bites his lip and decides to take a risk.

He makes eye contact with Felix, slow and deliberate. His heart is beating so quickly that it feels like he's on a rollercoaster. When he stretches his arms out, it takes an embarrassing amount of his concentration to keep his hands from shaking.

"Felix," he says, trying to make his pronunciation as clear as possible, "Come here."

This is what a good big brother would do. He's held his other brothers to his chest so many times before - in a strange imitation of what his Daddy do to calm himself down. He's memorised their sweet nothings at this point, and if Daddy can't make someone feel better, then no one can. He might not have been a good big brother to Felix up to this point, but he's going to try his hardest from now on.

Felix hesitates. For a moment, Minho thinks that what he'd said had been unforgivable. If he were in Felix's position, he would have never spoken to him _ever_ again. Minho's known for being stubborn. He's sure it would be easy.

But Felix is so much younger than he is, and Felix is also so much lonelier. He's tired, Minho thinks, and he hopes desperately that it means he's more willing to forget about all the fights they'd had leading up to this moment. 

Minho doesn’t smile. Smiling won't help. He simply sits there and waits.

Sure enough, he doesn't have to wait long. Felix stumbles forwards, and on the shakiest legs Minho has ever seen, makes his way across the bedroom floor. It takes a lifetime, but eventually he reaches the bed. Minho looks at him. Felix is still fighting himself, even now.

" _Please._ "

Maybe he should say more, but Minho really doesn't know enough English to try and make a more understandable sentence. All he can do is hope that it's enough. 

Felix falls into his arms. One moment they're still a foot apart, and the next Minho has been pushed back into the covers of the bed, only a few centimetres away from hitting his head on the wall behind him. There's a heavy weight on his chest, and Felix curls up into his body, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing as tight as he possible can. Already, there's a wet patch on Minho's t-shirt. 

"I'm sorry," Minho repeats. His own arms flutter by his side briefly, unsure of what to do with them. There's not much of a decision to be made about it. They wrap around Felix like it's their second nature, pulling him close until Felix has his own wet patch on the back of his shirt. "I'm so sorry."

There's no way that Felix can understand him, but it feels right to say. Minho apologises until his tongue is heavy in his mouth and the tears on his cheeks have run dry for a long time. He says that he's sorry until the five-year-old in his arms makes no more noise than quiet sniffles. He whispers the words until his throat burns with overuse, and it's more effort to keep his eyes open than keep on slurring apologies. 

When Chan enters the room, fraught with panic and with more apprehension in his eyes than any of the kids would have seen before, there's no one awake to actually see him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *minho best boy intensifies*


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Is he sure?

He's got to be, Chan thinks. However hard it is to believe. The email from Yellow Wood had come out of the blue. Chan hadn't been expecting a follow-up to Felix's case so quickly, and especially not so soon after he'd phoned up. They'd only dropped off Felix's luggage a few days ago! It just seemed impossible that there could be an update so quickly, and without even the luxury of an actual conversation. He could check again if he was really unsure, but...

There's no need. He trusts himself, no matter how much he might think his eyes are deceiving him. It's just so... unexpected. A month? Really?

You'd think they'd at least him in person.

A _month_.

The email doesn't offer any explanation to the delays - or at least, not more than what Chan had been told over the phone. It's the same excuses of legal problems and struggling to contact _any_ of Felix's family. Every day that Felix stays in the house is another day where he's away from the new life he deserves to be getting. 

There are no apologies, however.

All it says, to put it bluntly, is that Felix won't be leaving for a while. There's no precise date gives, that would just be too helpful, but he'll be staying with them for at least a couple more weeks. A month, even. It could be more, it could be less, and none of their burning questions have received anything close to an answer.

Chan comes over to the computer, despite his intial thoughts that he didn't need to read it again. Just... once more to make sure. He stares at the email for a while longee. It doesn't seem fair, to that Yellow Wood would treat him like this. He'd already lost everything. They could at least treat him with a little more respect. He was five years old, for god's sake.

And, then there were the implications of what the email meant. Chan couldn't keep him in Minho's room for a _month._ It wouldn't be fair on either of them.

What he pointedly ignores is the strange truce Minho and Felix have fallen into. His mind still reels when he thinks about how he'd found Minho and Felix. 

He hadn't been able to keep the disbelief out of own thoughts, even when going over the incident in his mind several hours later. It was only when all the kids had gone to bed that he'd finally managed to think theough the day.. And he'd thought about it for hours. He'd worked out what had gone wrong, what he should have done instead, and more importantly, how to avoid such situations from ever having to happen again. Even now, Chan knows his eyes are still tired, not having made up from the late night yet.

He'd seen that the door to his room was open, and he'd feared the worst. There had been no screaming or shouting that he could hear, but in some respects, that was worse. He's had no idea where Minho could have possibly gone. It was only because he at least wanted to check on Felix before conducting a frantic search of the house that he'd even opened the door to his room. 

He certainly hadn't expected to find Minho and Felix curled up together on the bed. 

That was where he'd had to stop, still not quite sure that he hadn't been imagining thigs. But his eyes hadn't been tricked. He had hardly believed it, especially when he'd noticed the twin tear tracks on their faces, but the sight had definitely been real. Minho's cheek had been an angry red, but there had been no sign of any other injuries on either of the boys. It seemed... impossible. 

Chan had left without another word. He didn't want to accidentally wake them up, especially when he barely understood what had gone on between them in the first place. When it came to start making dinner - and all the other children had been suitably consoled - he'd simply been a little louder than normal. The extra noise had served its purpose in waking both boys up. When they came downstairs, with a couple of minutes between their arrivals, neither of them mentioned the situation. 

There had been an unmistakable tension over the table that night. Everyone had been on edge, a little more worn down than they'd been a couple of hours ago. And yet Minho and Felix had seemed to... come to a truce with one another. 

They weren't friends. They were nowhere near being even friendly with each other, that was incredibly clear. But there was a new layer of tolerance that hadn't been there before. Minho seemed to look out for Felix in the most subtle of ways, and Felix didn't complain about their interactions at all. 

It was strange, and it was incredibly mature of them. 

And it brings him right back around to the bed problem. Without realising it, he's gone full circle. Who's Felix going to share a room with? He can't go with Seungmin, Changbin's room is still too small for two beds, and Jeongin...

It only leaves one bedroom.

One bedroom that's already very full. Hyunjin and Jisung's room is big, but it's also got twice the amount of clothes, toys and general _stuff_ in it. If that wasn't a problem enough, everything in their room has to be in perfect place. The bedroom is somewhere that Jisung can rely on to be the same, and if Felix's presence is going to threaten that, then the possibly shouldn't even be considered. 

Chan sighs. The words on the screen barely mean anything any more, he's read them so many times. But... what else can he do?

It'll only be for a month, whatever happens. Isn't there another way? Jisung wouldn't want to change rooms, of course, but what about Hyunjin? If Hyunjin stayed with Minho maybe, then Felix could sleep in his bed?

But no, Hyunjin wouldn't want to move. Chan knows how he is, him and 'sung would throw a riot if they're split up. It would only be temporary, but...

He owes Minho his room to himself for a while. Even if he managed to persuade Hyunjin to swap rooms, there's no saying that Minho would agree. He's been stuck sleeping with Chan for way too long than could be good for him. And his... 'disagreement' with Felix must have drained him. He deserved somewhere that he can be alone.

Chan sighs again. "Goddamnit." If only this wasn't so _difficult_.

"Language."

Chan's eyes widen immediately. He hadn't imagined someone replying, had he? The disembodied voice is coming from behind him. Chan whips his head around to see Hyunjin standing in the doorway, arms folded and a disapproving look on his face. 

The tow parts of his mind almost tear themselves apart. On one hand, it's hard not to immediately start laughing. It's just... the look on Hyunjin's face is _perfect._ On the other, Chan feels like he should be horrified that one of the kids had heard him swearing. 

"I heard you talking about me," says Hyunjin. He stands on his tiptoes in an attempt to peer around them and see the screen of the laptop. The criticism on his face has disappeared, as his curiosity has obviously won out against his need to chastise Chan. "Is it about my birthday? Is it about _presents_?"

Hyunjin's birthday isn't for months yet. It's not even his next - Jeongin's birthday is before his - but that probably wasn't even a factor in Hyunjin's thought process. 

"No, baby," says Chan. He reaches behind him and closes the lid of the laptop, before reaching out to Hyunjin and ruffling his hair. "I'm just thinking about room arrangements." 

Hyunjin tilts his head in confusion. The excitement on his face has faded a little, he's probably thinking that room arrangements sound incredibly boring, nothing like the talk of presents he'd been hoping for. But now he's been accepted into the grown-up talk, the feeling of granted maturity is enough to make him stay. 

"We're thinking about the room you and Jisung share." Chan continues, "I need a bedroom that Felix can sleep in as well, but there's not enough room anywhere else. Now, I'm not saying that this is definitely happening, but how would you feel if he slept in your room as well?"

That doesn't go down well. "You're splitting me and Jisung up?"

"No," Chan shakes his head, "It would be you, Jisung _and_ Felix."

Hyunjin frowns, still not convinced. He's puffed his chest out in an attempt to make him seem more grown-up, and by the amount of though he's putting into his answer to the question, he's taking his new role pretty seriously. "Well, Daddy, there aren't enough beds in my room. And if Felix sleeps on the camping bed, then there won't be enough room."

That's what he'd thought at first. But he has a trick up his sleeve. "Ah," he says, nodding at Hyunjin's reply, "That certainly is a problem. Hmm, what about if we bought a bunk-bed for your room?"

Just like that, Hyunjin's attempt to act like an adult shatters into a million pieces. The thought of a bunk-bed is just too exciting for a five-year-old. He practically jumps up and down in excitement, grin splitting his face in half. "Bunk-bed?"

"They do bunk-beds with convertible storage, don't they? If we found one that had a replaceable bottom bunk, that could end up giving them _more_ space than before. Hyunjin?" he says, asking his opinion.

"I want a bunk-bed!" Hyunjin confirms, as if the fact he's hardly been able to keep himself still for the past few seconds isn't clue enough. "I want the top bunk! _All_ the fairy princesses have bunk-beds, and I want to be just like them!"

Chan can't help but grin. It seems like his problem might have just been solved.

" As long as Jisung and Felix agree," Chan warns Hyunjin.

That doesn't seem like it'll be an issue, as he's already shaking his head. "Oh, they'll agree," he tells them, sincerely. " _Everyone_ loves bunk-beds."

-

It had, actually, been surprisingly easy to get all the kids to agree to the solution. As Hyunjin had said, it did appear that everyone loved bunk-beds. Jeongin had looked incredibly jealous when he'd heard the news. Seungmin not so much, and Minho had seemed more relieved at getting his own room back to get envious. Even Changbin had celebrated with the rest of the kids when they'd heard the news. 

Jisung had been easy to convince. Hyunjin had gotten to him first, despite promising not to tell anyone, so the news hadn't come as a surprise. Chan had assured him that there would be no change to the layout of the room, and that Felix's belongings would stay in the study, as to keep the floor clean. 

He'd asked about hitting his head, and Chan had made it clear that they'd be putting foam on all the edges of the new bed. It wouldn't make it any easier to avoid, but the inevitable collisions would be as least painful as they could make them. Upon hearing that, Jisung's face had lit up. He'd been even more excited than Hyunjin in the end, despite the fact that he wouldn't actually be using the bunk-bed himself. 

Felix had been more difficult to convince. After the whole ordeal with Minho, he'd seemed more reserved in general. He'd still play with the other kids, but his energy seemed to lack some of the innocence it had before. His laughter seemed almost hollow at points, and he certainly wasn't as carefree as he'd been when he'd first arrived at the house. It was probably a combination of Minho's actions and the bear, if Chan was being honest. 

In some ways, it was good that Felix's trauma was finally making an appearance. They'd been starting to worry about how little he'd seemed to be affected by the death of his entire family, and although incredibly disheartening to see him so sad now, Chan thinks that it's better than repressing his emotions. 

He'll have to look into getting him a therapist soon. It hadn't seemed worth it at first, since that would only be another part of his life that would have to uprooted when he returned to Australia, but now that his stay was extended for at least another month, it was cruel to extend his torment any longer. A therapist would help him come to terms with his emotions. They might even be able to prepare him for his inevitable departure. 

When he'd asked him about the bunk-bed, he'd seemed reluctant to give an answer at all. He hadn't wanted to get in the way of anyone else, and it was only when Chan had explained that this compromise was the best alternative he could offer, that he had agreed. 

"It's here!" Hyunjin screams. In the end, Chan had ordered a flatpack bunk-bed from a local furniture store. It was easier than trying to take all six kids out to choose a bed, which would only end in chaos no matter how hard they tried to keep everyone under control. 

Hyunjin is currently stood way too close to the door, so Chan gently pulls him back. There's no way the delivery man will be able to see him with a huge cardboard box in his hand, so however excited Jinnie may be, a five-foot child ban has been placed on the door. 

Of course, that hasn't stopped the kids from congregating on the stairs. They're sat in uncontained excitement, chattering amongst themselves so quickly that Chan can barely make out the words that are being spoken. Even Seungmin has stopped fiddling with his dinosaur toys for long enough to have the same open-mouthed awe as the rest of them. 

"It's _huge,_ " says Minho, and then - maybe for the sake of Jisung - "It's almost as big as Daddy!"

The sound of the front door shutting is inaudible over the cheers from the kids as the man had left the box in the porch and Chan had dragged it into the hallway. He's sure face is red from the effort of dragging it just that small distance - they hadn't been sure of the vehicle that would be used to deliver, and it was better to be safe than sorry - and there's a definite sheen of sweat across his forehead. The box clatters to the side, leaning against the wall. Chan bends down with his hands on his knees, trying to get his breath back. "Thanks for helping," he says, when he's less tomato-coloured. 

The kids explode into noise all over again.

In the end, he enlists Minho's help, and the box ends up being a lot easier to carry. He has to shoo the rest of the kids out of the way, in order to manoeuvre the flatpack up the stairs and into Hyunjin and Jisung's room. 

"Leave a gap before you following us," Chan says as he climbs up the first few steps, "If we end up slipping because of the weight, I don't want you guys to get hurt."

That lasts about as well as he thought it would. The kids leave a gap of about three seconds before getting too impatient, and then they follow Chan and Minho as closely as possible, completely disregarding the fact that they've caught up past the gap they were supposed to remember. Chan doesn't say anything, just makes sure that each of his steps are definitely secure. The grin never leaves his face. 

"I get top bunk," he hears Hyunjin tell Jeongin behind him. "I have to be _very_ grown-up, Daddy says. That means no shaking the bed, only one person allowed at the top, and I have to use the ladder when I want to get down. 

Technically, children younger than six aren't supposed to sleep on the top bunk. Hyunjin is only five, but his birthday is in less than three months, and he's much more mature than other five-year-olds. They've made sure that he knows all the rules to reduce the risk of injury. An even though Hyunjin hasn't mentioned it, there has been a _lot_ of emphasis on him not ever trying to fix the bed himself. 

"That's so cool," Jeongin says, unable to keep the jealously from seeping into his tone, "I wish _I_ could have a bunkbed."

Hyunjin preens himself, thriving off the attention. "Maybe when you're older, we can swap beds for the night."

That cheers Jeongin right up. He thinks for a while, probably trying to work out how much 'older' he'd actually have to be. "Next week?"

Chan is saved from having to stifle a laugh at Jeongin's innocence by the fact that they've reached the top of the stairs. All it takes is one last push, and then they're outside the door to Hyunjin and Jisung's room. 

Hyunjin's old bed had been dragged out through the door earlier that day. It's now stuck in the middle of the corridor, providing the perfect place for the kids to sit once they've squeezed past Chan in an attempt to get a better view of the room. It leaves the floor of the room completely clear - a perfect place to start trying to put up a flatpack bunk-bed.

Or, at least, as perfect as it can possibly get with seven kids all trying to 'help'. 

They've come prepared for chaos, at any rate.

The box is torn open, the kids descending on the cardboard like very hungry sharks. Chan doesn't hesitate to point that out, and so they're inevitably serenaded by six awful renditions of 'Baby Shark', while Jeongin jumps up on the backs of his brothers pretending to be a Great White. He gnashes his teeth at them when Chan asks him to be a little more careful, but by that point, the box has been opened properly.

There are at least three different sections of the bunk-bed in the box, each nestled between large strips of polystyrene. He can already see several clear plastic bags of nails, screws and... other things (he's never been particularly great at DIY), and he puts them safely to one side before the kids can see them. As far as he's concerned, as soon as someone other than him gets their hands on something small, it might as well have been lost to the void. 

Luckily, the kids seem distracted by the polystyrene packaging. Seungmin stays well away from the strips, recognising his own sensitivity to touch and not trusting them at all. But the rest of them seem happy to use the sticks as make-shift swords. Minho whacks Hyunjin around the back of the head with one, while Jisung (stranded on his bed, not wanting to step onto the _already_ covered floor) is surprisingly adept at fencing with Felix. Changbin seems to have two for some reason, but seems more interested in using them as drumsticks than weapons. 

It's good that they're distracted, as it leaves Chan free to try and sort out some of the larger parts without the kids in the way.

Chan takes out the longest part of the bunk-bed - what must be the strip of wood down the side, since it's covered in a white, glossy sheen - and places it neatly to one side. The removal of that piece reveals three other identical strips, which quickly form a pile with the four shorter planks which must be the headboards. 

Beneath them are long planks, all made out of the funny type of wood that seem to come with whatever flatpack you order. There are at least thirty of them in this first part of the box. Chan scoops them up and places them in another pile. It's good that the kids already have 'swords' to play with, because the planks are very temptingly shaped otherwise. 

The last part - although Chan doesn't doubt that he missed several important parts of the flatpack - seems to be the pieces of the ladder. That makes yet another pile behind him, Hyunjin almost tripping over the white-painted wood in his attempt to escape from Minho's polystyrene weapon. 

"Let's be a bit more sensible now," Chan says, looking meaningfully at each of the kids, "There are a lot of pieces that we don't want to get broken, and lots of small bits that will get lost easily. If you want to help, you have to be careful, understand?"

There's an overall buzz of agreement, weapons discarded to one side now that something more exciting is happening. Chan doubts they'll manage to stay this enthusiastic when it gets to the more frustrating, boring parts, but it's nice to see them like this.

"Who wants to help?" He says, grinning.

The cheer he gets in return is more than enough encouragement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sunnyesque)  
> be warned that i literally never tweet


	19. Chapter Nineteen

"Okay," Chan picks up the instructions gingerly. How hard can it possibly be to build a bunk-bed? He's done tons of DIY projects in his time, he'll be absolutely fine.

Chan turns the first page and immediately goes pale. He glances down to the piles they've created in front of them, and then back up to the diagrams he's holding. It's a thick leaflet, with much more intricacy than he'd hoped for, and he bends the cover sheet over with a sigh. "Right."

None of the kids even act like they've heard him. To be fair, they probably haven't.

Chan tries a different tactic, What's first?" That gets the attention of the kids. He'd made sure to raise his voice a little. Just enough so it could be heard over the volume of the shrieks. He didn't want anyone to feel left out that the project had been started without them.

Besides... Chan grimaces. There's no way that the kids' attention spans will actually last as long as it takes to build the entire bunk-bed. If he's lucky, he might get one or two who stay throughout the whole project, but the others are a lost cause.

As soon as they realise this is going to take longer than five minutes, they're guaranteed to get bored.

Sure enough, he's got their attention now. There's a clatter as the polystyrene sticks are quickly discarded, and then everyone is crowding around the _suddenly very cramped_ area they're trying to put the bunk-bed up into. 

"Boys," Chan says, when Hyunjin tries to sit practically on top of him in an attempt to see the instructions a little clearer. 

Jisung is the only one still perched on the bed - the rest of them seem to be drawing closer with every passing second. Minho leans obnoxiously over the headboards effectively stopping anyone else from even _seeing_ the different pieces. Hyunjin is still grappling with the instructions. Changbin has decided that it would be helpful to lay out each plank, oblivious to the limited amount of room they have. Seungmin is still hovering in the corner of the room. Felix and Jeongin look like they're the only ones that are actually listening. But they've sat in the only clear space - right where the bunkbed itself needs to be.

"Right," says Chan, pulling the instructions away from Hyunjin in one decisive movement. "Listen carefully, now."

It gets their attention back, and the boys stop in the middle of what they'd been doing. "There's not a lot of room," Chan continues, holding up a single finger to Felix in a gesture telling him to wait for a translation, "We've got to think about each other, as well as ourselves. We've got to work as a team. Is that clear?"

There's a resounding agreement. 

Chan repeats his statement in English. Felix nods along, eyes widening as he gets a little more information. There's a pause between when he finishes translating for Felix and his next sentence, and so Chan takes the opportunity to look around and try and manvouver the kids into better positions.

He gently hooks his arm around Minho's back, pulling him up from the floor. It takes a little bit of pushing, since Minho isn't exactly the most willing participant, but soon enough they're all able to see the headboards. Changbin has stopped in the middle of his sorting, frozen with an almost guilty expression on his face. Chan pulls Hyunjin into his lap, where he sits practically vibrating with excitement.

There are enough jobs for everyone. Most of them will just be a distraction - he can't have all seven kids trying to use the hammer at the same time, that would just be _asking_ for disaster - and not everyone will be able to help in the same way. 

"Seungmin," Chan says, gesturing the boy over. That way he shouldn't end up yelling in anyone's ear by accident. "And Jisung. Here's your job."

With one hand, he scoops up the plastic bag of screws, nuts and bolts. Possibly other things, but he's never been good at DIY, so they all look the same to him. What matters the most is that they're all different shapes and sizes. There are those wooden stick-like things, as well as screws of at least three different lengths. Seungmin looks at them with curiosity, and Jisung has shuffled to the edge of the bed, swinging his little feet over the edge. 

Chan takes his hand gently, placing the bag onto his palm.

" 's heavy," Jisung says, squeezing his fingers around the material hesitantly. "What is it?"

"Screws." Seungmin gets there before Chan can reply. He's barely holding himself back from snatching the bag from Jisung, instead resigning himself to flapping his hands in excitement. "Lots 'n' lots of them."

Chan smiles. There's a reason that he's asked those two for this job. Seungmin has made himself a clear area in the corner of the room, away from all the polystyrene and cardboard. Even now, he's stood on his tiptoes in order to avoid touching the stuff on the floor. Jisung would probably love to be in the middle of the DIY like the other children, but he's sensible for a five-year-old. There's so much chaos around that he's almost... _marooned_ himself onto his bed, safe in the knowledge that he won't be able to trip over something he can't see.

They work well together.

And that's not the only reason. "Now," Chan says, "this is a very important job, so I need two sensible big boys to help me with it." He pauses, waiting for both Seungmin and Jisung to nod along, agreeing that they _are_ sensible big boys. "Those screws need to be sorted into piles."

"Ah!" Seungmin says, interrupting him. Chan can't even be annoyed, the excitement in his eyes is just too cute. Seungmin loves patterns. He's also very touch-sensitive, and the variety of different textures and feelings of the screws is right up his street. "Like! Like the wooden ones with the wooden ones! And the swirly ones with the swirly ones!"

Seungmin is methodical and calm. Chan trusts him with not losing any of the precious screws (unlike some of the other children, where Chan is convinced they'd still be finding bolts down the side of the sofa for _years_ ).

"Swirly ones?" Jisung echoes. He squishes the plastic wrapping a little more, rubbing his thumb up and down the bag until he finds one. "Oooh."

Jisung is excitable. He'd love to be in the middle of the mess, using the hammer and fighting over the planks of wood with the other children. Unfortunately, that's guaranteed to end in disaster. The other children are pushy, despite how Chan tries to encourage them to take turns, and DIY can be dangerous. They'll let Jisung have a go when the others have calmed down a bit, but for now it's more sensible to distract him on the side-lines. 

He's good with his hands, despite what other people might think. Just like Seungmin, Jisung's always been drawn to the more interesting textures of things, and his memory is amazing. Chan has no doubt that they'll work together to do their task as best as they can.

"That's right!" Chan says. "The swirly ones are in different lengths, so they all need to be sorted into piles according to that, as well."

Jisung sticks his arms out, asking to be picked up, after putting one foot onto the floor and almost immediately stepping on a stray chunk of polystyrene. He's clutching the packet in his hand. Maybe normally he wouldn't mind about tripping over - or at least taking his time to cross an unfamiliar room, proving he's perfectly capable of doing it himself - but he's worried about losing the task he's been assigned.

Chan gently moves a complaining Hyunjin out of his lap. "I'll be back in a moment," he says, before standing up and scooping Jisung into his arms. Together they make their way to the clean corner of the room, following Seungmin as he nimbly jumps over Changbin's laid-out planks. 

"There you go."

Jisung squirms to side-lines be put down as soon as they stop moving. Usually he's a bit clingier, and Chan is slightly surprised that he doesn't try and hold onto him for a few more moments. He's excited, he supposed. As soon as he's safely on the carpet, Jisung rips open the plastic bag, and him and Seungmin start talking about how they're going to sort them.

Chan smiles. His presence has been immediately forgotten, so he heads back to the rest of the kids. 

In the time that he spent talking to Seungmin and Jisung, it looks like they've tried to make some more space by themselves. Felix and Jeongin have moved to the side; neither of the boys are sat in the space where the bunk-bed was supposed to be going anymore. Instead, they're shrieking with laughter, trying to manoeuvre the flatpack box out into the corridor. 

"More space?" Minho says when Chan asks what had happened. It sounds more like a question than an actual statement, probably because the trail of destruction following the two boys seems to be taking up the whole room. "I'm helpful."

Chan raises his eyebrows, but the way he'd phrased it is so amusing that he can't help but burst into laughter. "What?" says Hyunjin, clinging to Chan's leg, and looking rather perturbed by the sudden movement around him. "What's so funny?"

"Doesn't matter," Chan says, standing where he had been sat. In the time that it had taken to deposit Seungmin and Jisung on the other side of the room, his space has been stolen by a grinning Minho. He knows what he's done, and cackles evilly when Chan nudges him with his foot. "Oi, you. Move over."

"Make me," Minho says, but he's already shuffling to the side. Chan sits down with a huff, and Hyunjin immediately squirms back into his lap. Minho moves as well, leaning into his side. He stretches out his legs, kicking away a stray piece of polystyrene packaging. 

Chan ruffles his hair. "Brat."

They could go one like that for a few more minutes, but Hyunjin's getting impatient. He leans back further into Chan's lap - probably not having forgiven him for leaving him out of the joke - and manoeuvres the instructions to an angle where he can view them. "What's step one?" 

"The first step - " Chan pauses to move the instruction leaflet slightly, and then squints at the page, "- is to attach the headboards?"

He knows as soon as he says it that doesn't sound so sure of himself. None of the kids seem to pick up on it, thankfully. Hyunjin's already moving Changbin's pile of planks to the side in order to make more room for the boards. Minho lunges forward to help, and together they finish laying out each piece of wood just as Felix and Jeongin return from disposing of the cardboard box.

'Disposing' be a bit of a strong word. Chan can see from here that they've just jammed it between Hyunjin's old bed and the wall. He also can't help but notice that Jeongin has flakes of polystyrene in his hair that were _not_ there when he left the room, and that Felix seems to have cheered up immeasurably. 

"Right. How are we going to do this, then.”?

He's still staring at the paper in confusion when an idea suddenly pops into his head. 

"Boys," he says, quiet enough that it doesn't bother Seungmin and Jisung, "We're going to have to take it in turns. There might not be enough sections that everyone can do exactly the same bits, but you'll all get a turn."

He can already imagine what's going through their heads, even as all the kids nod along. _'As long as_ I _get to do the fun parts, it's fair'_ most probably. That'll just have to be a problem they'll solve as they get to it. 

"I don't want to see you complaining, alright? We'll try and make it as fair as possible, so everyone gets to help as much as they'd like."

The kids nod again.

"Right!" There's a grin on his face. Despite the knowledge that this is inevitably going to end up in disaster, Chan's loving every second of it. He's more child-like than some of the actual kids at heart, and it's at moments like this that his true nature really shines through. Although it might be a little embarassing to be smiling like one of the kids, but he can't bring himself to care. Maybe it _won't_ be so catastrophic after all.

"Jeongin, can you pass the right tools to the right people? The dowels and the screws need to be moved from Jisung and Seungmin to whoever needs them, as well as the right screwdrivers." He looks Jeongin in the eyes, "You'll have to be very careful. That means no running with the tools, Innie. Think you've got that?"

Jeongin nods his head so hard that Chan wouldn't be surprised if it fell off. His hair flops into his eyes, and he bounds over to where Seungmin and Jisung are sitting, starting to clear a path between them and the rest of the family. 

"I'm going to split the rest of you into two groups, so you can swap jobs halfway through. Changbin, you're with Felix, and Minho, you're with Hyunjin."

Hyunjin begins to frown. "I can do it by myself - " he begins to say, but quickly tails off once he notices Chan picking up one of the planks for the headboard. The curiosity wins out, and he stays silent, waiting with rapt attention for Chan's next instructions. 

"There are two headboards, so you'll do one job for the first one, and then the other for the second. The first part -" He turns the plank that he'd picked up around, showing off the dark holes on the ends. He'd read what the wooden sticks were actually called in the instruction book, "- is to push the dowels into the holes. They'll need to be secure, so you'll have to be _very_ strong."

"What's a dowel?" Changbin asks. He looks like he'd been hesitating to say anything at first, and even when he eventually asks the question, his words are mumbled. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise, it's a good question," Chan says. "I'm sure everyone else was wondering the same thing. A dowel is a small wooden stick, perfectly made to fit into the planks. You'll see what I mean when Jeongin passes you one."

"And the other job?" 

"Ah," Chan's grin is back at full-force, nodding at Hyunjin for asking the question. He puts the plank down and picks up the side pieces for the headboard, turning both of them around to display the matching holes. "Once the dowels are in, they need to be pushed into these parts. They should fit exactly, but you'll both need to push to make sure they're _just right._ "

When no one protests, Chan goes on to translate everything for Felix. The Australian boy nods along to everything he's told, face lighting up all over again at the most interesting parts. Eventually, he finishes up, and Felix gets to his feet. 

"So," Chan says, "Off you go then!"

He'd done that deliberately. There's a pause as his words sink in. Or, more specifically, as the fact that he hadn't actually assigned them jobs sinks in. He'd told them what the tasks were, sure. But the actual decision of who would be doing what was still up for grabs.

Hopefully the sly look in his eyes as he stands up and shuffles out of the way isn't too obvious. He leaves the four boys completely to their own devices. Maybe there's no way that they'll divide the tasks between themselves without having at least one argument. He's sure that someone watching the whole event from the side-lines would think that way.

But Chan isn't someone on the sidelines, and this is a great opportunity for teamwork.

Maybe he has too much faith in the kids, maybe not. It's just going to be interesting to see if they can manage to work together. Maybe attempting to build a bunk-bed was _not_ the best time to test that theory, but it's too late to go back on his word now.

Back in the middle of the room, Hyunjin holds up a plank. He frowns, "It's my bed, therefore I should get to do the fun bits."

"We'll take turns," Minho chides him, "That's what Daddy said."

Hyunjin doesn't seem satisfied with that answer. "But I don't _want_ to take turns! It's my bed!"

Minho shakes his head. He's taken the other plank, holding it to his chest in a strange imitation of... a hostage situation? Maybe he thinks that as long as Hyunjin doesn't have all the pieces, he can't monopolise the whole build. Of course, that's not how the flatpack works at all, but no one's there to tell him that. "We're taking turns. It's your bed, but we're all helping, and Daddy said to take turns!"

Changbin's eyes are wide, watching the conversation go back and forth like a ping-pong ball. Felix looks equally as star-stuck, but he's nudging part of the headboard with his toes, probably wondering whether he should pick up a plank to join in. 

"It's mine!" Hyunjin cries. He doesn't seem to want to back down, but Minho's so determined that everyone should get a fair go that he won't back down either. 

Chan can't help but smile to himself. _Just wait,_ he thinks. _I know you can do it._

A few more tense words are being exchanged between the two boys in the middle of the room. They're holding their planks with equal looks of fire and fury, and they've moved to oppose each other. They've completely forgotten that they're supposed to be working together. It's only as Hyunjin kneels down - with some difficulty - to scoop another piece of wood into his hand that someone intervenes.

"What if -" says Changbin, pushing his way between Minho and Hyunjin "- Hyunjin gets to choose which part you do first? And then, uh, me and Felix can do the other bit? And then we swap for the other side?"

Minho nods along, as if the compromise had been his idea all along. It's probably what he'd been working towards in his mind, in all fairness, his mouth and temper just hadn't been co-operating. Hyunjin is a bit less enthusiastic, but he reluctantly agrees. "I wanna push the dow- the wooden things in first."

Just like that, the problem is solved. 

Jeongin passes the dowels over to Minho and Hyunjin one at a time, taking his important job very seriously. Minho and Hyunjin are just as careful with their jobs. Once they've pushed the dowels in, they pass it to the other person to confirm that's as far as it gets. Minho glances up at Chan a few times for confirmation, and his face lights up when he confirms he's doing it correctly.

Hyunjin clings to his piece of wood for slightly longer than necessary when it comes to swapping over. For a moment, Chan thinks disaster might strike again. But Hyunjin sighs. He looks down one last time at the plank in his hands, and then passes it over to a beaming Felix. He sits on his hands as he watches Changbin and Felix struggle to set up the headboard. It's presumably to stop himself from accidentally interfering, and it makes Chan's heart swell with pride.

Changbin and Felix work well as a team. There's a bit of fumbling as they at first try and push in both sides at the same time, and the language barrier doesn't help, either. But once they get over the initial issue and start focusing on one at a time, they're done within minutes. 

Hyunjin jumps to his feet almost immediately. He grabs the planks and shakes them, like he's testing for the structural integrity of Changbin and Felix's handywork. Minho grabs his wrist and pulls him back down. "We're still waiting."

"Oh." Hyunjin's voice is small. He passes the half-constructed headboard back to Changbin, shoulders slumping forwards with disappointment. He stays in that same position until it is actually his turn to help again, and then it's as if he was never disappointed in the first place; vibrating with just as much excitement as before.

From this position, Chan can see everything that's happening.

It's much easier staying out of the spotlight. Since all of the kids are so engrossed in their own jobs, it's left Chan free to watch them out of curiosity. There's no one to interrupt his thoughts, and even the thousands of questions that he'd been expecting never actually arrive. It's strangely peaceful.

Jisung and Seungmin are still sorting out screws. They'll be finished soon, although every time Jeongin asks for something else seems to prompt a re-organisation. Chan is preparing to go over to them soon. It wouldn't be fair to let them get bored, especially since they've been conned out of doing anything particularly exciting.

Jeongin seems to be wearing thin as well. Chan isn't surprised at that, either. It's a miracle that he's managed to last that long, really. His four-year-old view of life is unchallenged, and he's just as the age where he thinks he can take on the world. He's watched the other kids do other jobs, and so it's no shock that he wants to try helping himself. 

And just like that, he gets another idea.

He's pretty sure there are two parts. Chan leans over slightly, reading the page that he'd left open for Minho, Hyunjin, Changbin and Felix. As he'd suspected, he was right. There were two beds, and both beds had identical parts.

It works perfectly with his plan.

He can split them into two groups. On one side of the room, Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin and Felix can work together as a team. They already seem to know what they're doing, so he could simply explain the jobs and then leave them to their own devices. As long as he checked their work before the bunk-bed was actually complete, it should end up just fine.

On the other side of the room would be Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin. After explaining the instructions to the others, he's have plenty of time. He wasn't sure Seungmin would to help out that much, so really it was really just Sung and Innie. He could concentrate more on helping them, that way.

It's actually a pretty good plan.

He's rather impressed at himself from managing to come up with it.

Right on time, he can hear the kids in the background, just finishing up. As if by magic, they all seem to be getting bored at the same time, voices growing louder and louder. There's a shriek, and then a few giggles, but Chan can't quite bring himself to move and interrupt their fun just yet.

Just for a moment, the world is perfect.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> over 500 mentions deleted, and this fic has never been so good
> 
> this isn't my favourite chapter, and it's definitely not the one i wanted to come back with. oh well.

The bunkbed gets built, eventually. It takes much longer than was advertised on the front of the flatpack - but then again, it wasn't actually designed to be built with the help of seven kids ranging in age from seven to four. It probably wasn't designed to be built with the help of _any_ kids, most likely. 

Chan couldn't care less about how long it had taken them to make the bunkbed.

He cares about the memories that were made whilst putting it up. The kids had loved every second of feeling like adults. The revelled in the fact that they were being treated like they were important and grown-up, which of course, they were. Even if they ended up getting a little bored by the end, the fact that they were actually being included was more important than anything else that day.

They'd solved problems by themselves. They'd learned to work as a team _without_ the input of any adults. Minho and Felix hadn't fought once - in fact, they'd even seemed to be on the same side during many conversations. The same had happened when he'd helped Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin, the laughs coming from all sides of the room had made his heart swell with joy. The look on Hyunjin's face when the bunk-bed had finally been finished had seemed to light up the entire house. 

And so, despite the chaos, the bunk-bed gets built.

From that point onwards, the days seem to pass in a blur.

There's just so much to _do_. The day ends with Chan pushing a whole bed down the stairs and into the reading room, pointedly ignoring the shrieks of their kids as they stole the spare pillows and duvets in an attempt to slide down the staircase after him.

They'd seen it in films, apparently. Chan was a bad parent for not letting them use trays like in the films, apparently. The risk of concussion from sliding down the stairs too quickly and banging your head on the wall was not a risk, apparently. 

Luckily, the pillows did not work well as make-shift sledges, and Chan was able to manoeuvre the bed into the library without incident. They couldn't keep it there for long. The room was already small enough, and the bookshelves covering the walls didn't give much extra space. 

At least, that's what Chan had told himself. Realistically, there was no way that the bed was ever getting moved from the corner of the room where it had been unceremoniously shoved. It would be too much effort, and an extra bed was too much of a useful tool to pass up. Of course, the amount of dust in the room was an issue, but that would be a problem for another day.

After the moving the bed, the day had passed surprisingly quickly. They'd spent a lot of time building the bunk-bed, and the daylight hours had disappeared in the blink of an eye. It was bedtime before Chan could even realise dinner had finished, and then -

Well, the school week was always over in a flash. It took the whole morning to get the kids ready to be dropped off at school, and the fact that he didn't want to leave Felix alone in the house didn't make things any easier. It was slightly better, of course, now that he and Minho had made up. But that had little effect on the proceedings of the day when Jeongin decided he was going to bring a snail he'd found on the pavement (and apparently adopted, naming the animal Jinnie much to Hyunjin's distaste) to class with him. 

After dropping the kids at school came trying to teach Felix Korean, a difficult feat in itself. It was hard to get the child to concentrate, and Chan couldn't help but wonder whether he was supposed to be teaching any other subjects. As far as he knew, Felix hadn't touched a maths worksheet in weeks. But no one had instructed him so, and so the rest of the day was filled with whatever activities Chan could think of.

That mostly ended up being watching TV or going to the park, but he'd been running out of ideas. As it turned out, there were only so many lots of cookies that could be made.

He takes Felix to the supermarket with him, and gets the five-year-old's opinion on what they should have for dinner that week. He gets Felix to help him make the beds, and can't help but laugh when he pretends to be a ghost with a sheet over his head.

Then the other children are back from school, practically yelling about what they'd done that day in an effort to be heard over everyone else. Chan gets told the same story several different times, and each time he acts like it's the first time he's heard it.

Dinner comes next, then more play-time, and then bed. And then it happens all over again for another four days, each one as full as the last. 

Before Chan realises it, the weekend has arrived again. 

The kids are all playing - somewhere. Chan can't keep up with how quickly they sprint from one end of the house to the other. He catches snippets of the rules of their games sometimes, and the complexity of the imaginary worlds never fails to astound him. He's exhausted simply _watching_ the amount of energy they have.

They'd been playing some sort of fantasy game, he's pretty sure. They each seem to have different roles, though. A few minutes ago, Seungmin had come shrieking through the room pretending to be a dragon. Hyunjin had soon come charging after him, with a foam sword clutched in his hands.

It's why Chan is alone when the doorbell rings.

He doesn't think anything of it, at first. It's not unusual for someone to be calling on them, especially at this time in the morning. He'd ordered some items of Amazon the other day. It was probably just the mailman, asking him to sign for a particularly expensive or large package. 

"I'll get it!" He calls, stretching his arms and standing up. There's no way the kids will stop playing their game anyway, but this way they don't have to worry whether Chan heard the bell or not. It's not like he'd been doing anything important.

He swings himself around the doorframe like a child, and then shuffles towards the door. Sure enough, there's the dark figure of someone visible through the clouded glass. He can just about make out that they're going to ring the doorbell again, and so he picks up speed, sliding across the tiled floor using his socks. "Hang on, I'm coming!"

It's easy enough not to fumble with the lock, and the Chan pulls the door fully open. 

It's not the mailman.

The world seems to come to a grinding halt. Despite Chan's racing heart (catapulting himself down the corridor had not been as easy as the kids made it same - he _swore_ he used to have more energy), his chest feels completely empty. It's like everything has simply... stopped.

Jihyo doesn't meet his eyes. Her hand hangs in mid-air, halfway towards pressing the doorbell again, movement interrupted before she could ever make it. Her mouth opens when she sees Chan, but no sound comes out. Neither of them dare to move. They're suspended in a single moment, both too afraid of speaking. 

Eventually, Chan decides it can't go on any longer. There's no way Jihyo isn't here on official business, especially with the way her cheeks are flushed. He doesn't want to know why she's here. If he could, he'd go back in time and never open the door. He'd pretend that there was no one in, and hope that this sick sensation of dread would never arrive. 

He has no idea why she's here, of course. Other than the fact it's got to be something to do with Yellow Wood, he doesn't even know which child Jihyo is here to talk about.

He doesn't want them to run past and see this.

Chan has no idea where the kids have gone. He certainly can't hear them, but that doesn't say much when the rush of blood to his own ears seems almost deafening. They could be anywhere. And, worst of all, they're curious as all hell. Once they think that something might be being kept from them, there's no way that they'll be distracted again. 

He glances behind him. Once he's sure that there's no one there, he steps outside, pulling the door almost shut behind him. "Who is it?"

His mouth is dry. Every word is the wrong shape, and the sentence leaves a foul taste on his tongue. Jihyo seems to share his sentiment. She flinches at the words, finally dropping her hand back down to her side and shuffling her feet awkwardly. 

"Chan," she says, "This is all so sudden. I want you to know that if I had it any other way- "

"Who is it?" He repeats. He's drowning in his own anxiety, too far gone to even consider that his words might seem a little rude. "Please. Just tell me."

Jihyo nods. If she'd been offended by how blunt he was, her face doesn't betray it. In fact, she looks like she understands. There's a deep sadness behind her eyes, a reluctance to speak that seems to seep into the air between them. She hates this as much as he does. "It's Felix."

Chan almost stumbles backwards. He catches himself before he can hit the door behind him, and just hopes that he still appears composed. Inside, his feelings are anything but.

_Felix._

There's- At first, he'd been overcome with an overwhelming sense of relief. He'd known the call couldn't have been anything to do with Minho, and Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin had all been officially adopted a long time ago. Hyunjin and Changbin however...

There are no words to describe the fear in his mind when he considered that Jihyo's visit might be to take them away from him. There could have been a problem in Hyunjin's adoption paperwork, or Changbin's mother might have finally decided that she wanted to place the rights to his care in the hands of someone else. 

There would be a day and a time when Changbin would eventually leave, but if it had been right now, Chan would have fought it every second of the way. He simply wasn't ready to be uprooted from his home all over again. Especially when it was the first stable one he'd ever had.

The sense of relief only lasts for a moment. There's enough time for his body to wobble, for the shock to sink into his bones before his mind has even processed the name yet, and then-

_Felix._

That's when the floor drops from beneath his feet. The world spins for a moment. He's reminded of the children, playing in the house behind him. They're laughing and shouting without a care in the world, completely unaware of how quickly that's going to change. Chan knows that he can't look okay, he looks anything _but_ okay, but something inside of him doesn't want Jihyo to know that. 

"I-"

But his mouth is dry. Deep down, he knows that this is the right thing.

Felix was never his. He was never going to stay at Chan's house forever anyway, and it's Chan's own fault for deluding himself into thinking that maybe it could have been a possibility. 

If it had only been for the original week, that would have been fine. If they'd have told him earlier, instead of just springing the news on him now, it would have been fine. There would have been time to approach the situation carefully, time for Chan to remind himself that this was never going to be Felix's permanent home.

He was always going to return to Australia. That's simply how it had been from the beginning. 

Chan smiles, hoping that he doesn't seem like he's falling apart beneath it. "I understand. It's for the best."

Jihyo nods along, slowly. "It's so sudden," she repeats, "The situation is far from ideal." She looks at Chan, then, as if she's looking right through him. She knows that this is breaking him down, and yet she plays along to the same set of cards. "Thank you for understanding."

"Can I ask why?"

"Some of his legal documents were suddenly processed. The Australian government want him to return as soon as possible, saying that he never should have been kept here so long in the first place. They're still working some things out themselves, of course, but the papers should be processed much more efficiently now."

"That makes sense."

It does, but why hadn't they done it sooner? Why hadn't someone looked at the casefile, and seen a scared little boy any sooner? Why did they have to tear him away from somewhere he was just beginning to get comfortable in, just to throw him somewhere completely unknown?

Chan has had enough experience with the foster system to know how it works. Felix will most likely be placed in another foster home as soon as he returns to Australia. From the sounds of it, they'll eventually rule that he doesn't have any designated guardians as willed by his parents. And from there...

House after house.

And endless cycle until he turns 18.

Of course, he might still be adopted. But with every week that passes, that becomes a little less likely. As much as Chan would like to hope for Felix to have the perfect life he deserves, he can't lie to himself.

Jihyo doesn't speak again. She shuffles awkwardly, obviously not quite sure what to say. Maybe she'd thought that Chan would have more questions. Maybe she'd thought that he'd protest, that he'd at least fight a little for Felix to stay with him. 

Eventually, Chan takes pity on her. There's a long line of questions already beginning to form in his mind. He's determined to make the process as painless as he can, to make Felix as happy and content as he could possibly be. It'll all be contained in the folder of paper that Jihyo's clutching in her hands, but she looks so reluctant to hand it over and make it official. 

Chan wants to know, so he can fight.

Not for Felix to stay with him, because Chan has come to realise that that fantasy was nothing but a pipe dream, but for him to be _safe_.

He'll cry over that pipe dream later. He'll let the fantasy go in his own time, once he's released all the emotions he's forcing down inside of him. He'll mourn the family they could have had - all eight of them, together and protected - once he's finally come to term with his loss. 

His stupid, selfish, loss. 

"Is he leaving today, or-" 

His voice trails off when he sees Jihyo's expression. "I'm so sorry," she says, "We're taking him to the airport as soon as possible."

As soon as possible. That can't be right, can it? Can they really expect to show up on his doorstep and take away Felix _as soon as possible_? It's like they've never met a five-year-old in their lives. It's like they can't see past the legal documents and potential lawsuits. They don't care about Felix's wellbeing, or his mental state. They just want to cover their own asses.

"How soon is that?" Chan asks, hoping beyond hope that Jihyo doesn't say _right now_. There's no way that Felix would willingly leave at just a moment’s notice, she's got to understand that.

Jihyo glances behind her. "As soon as possible is all I was told, Chan. He has to be out of the country by the end of today. The Australian foster service his case has been transferred to is meeting us at the airport at 2:00, which leaves..."

She trails off, counting the hours in her head the same as Chan. Given the time now, how long it'll take Felix to pack up and the journey to the airport, not to mention giving extra time for safety's sake; it barely leaves any time at all.

"An hour," Chan says, and Jihyo nods.

"An hour. I might be able to push it to an hour and a half, but even that's risky."

If Chan's heart had the time to break, he's sure he'd be picking up the pieces. Instead, he nods along, as if that isn't what they've both been doing the whole time. Like two little bobble-heads, bouncing off of each other like they've got nothing better to do.

The world is a little fuzzy, Chan realises. Everything has been fed through a filter or an old television set, leaving the colours around him muter and grainy. Jihyo's voice is muffled. If he concentrates too hard, he can hear the bursts of static every time his fingers twitch. 

"I'm sorry," Jihyo says. Again. Chan knows she's sorry, she's said it so many times that he'll be dreaming of the same words in his mind. That is, if he's able to get to sleep at all. "I'll be waiting in the car if you need me. I understand that you'll probably want some privacy. Just... as long as he's outside with all his items in an hour and a half, I'll leave you be."

It's supposed to be kind.

Chan can't quite see the mercy in her statement. Surely it would be easier simply to take Felix now, to not even give him the chance to protest. This feels more like ripping of a plaster, except every inch of skin removed is at the slowest pace possible. It feels like someone is stepping on his heart, crushing him into splinters like a vice. 

He wants to scream.

In the end, all he says is, "Thank you."

Jihyo shakes her head, breaking their endless cycle of agreement for the first time. "You shouldn't be thanking me," she says. And then, "Take this." It's the folder that she's been clutching the whole time, as much of a lifeline to her as Chan's spiralling denial is to him. 

He takes it. "Thank you."

Her smile is weak in return. "It's just the formal documents of what I just told you." She grabs his hand before he can turn to leave. "Don't read it, Chan. Don't waste the little time you have left."

She's gone before he can reply, making her way back down the driveway with her back to the happy family she's just torn apart. It's all Chan can do to stand there and watch her. There's so little energy left in his bones that it seems like an immense amount of effort to simply watch her go.

Now that Jihyo is gone, the world comes a little more into focus. Now that his head isn't rushing blood to his ears, now that the thumping of his heart is beginning to lose its deafening rhythm, he realises that the door is slightly ajar. If he really listens, he can make out the sounds of the house.

He can still the laughter of the children from inside.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

It takes all of his effort to walk back into the house and close the door behind him. Despite the fact that Chan's trying as hard as he can to ground himself, his feet feel like they're five inches off the ground. There's a layer of fog around his body. He doesn't even realise he's pulled the door shut until he hears the familiar slamming sound behind him. And even then, it seems like nothing compared to the pounding of his heart.

The kids keep laughing, completely oblivious.

The sound rings in Chan's ears. Would it be better to leave them for a bit, allow them to stay happy in their naivety? Or would it be kinder to tell them now, and give them precious few moments more together. 

It's an impossible decision. Chan's shoulders ache from the weight of having to make it. His heart aches as well, but he refuses to think about what that could mean.

This is for the best. This is for Felix. No matter how much Chan's traitorous mind might disagree, returning to Australia is the right thing. He'll speak the language; he'll be able to go back to a school and interact with kids other than the ones at Chan's house. Slowly, and bit by bit, he'll learn to heal all over again. 

Chan forces himself to take a deep breath.

He imagines himself picking his emotions up and storing them in a box. He imagines kicking the box down a long, winding staircase, listening to every clack-clack as the wood made contact with the stone floor. 

He can try and process his emotions later. Right now, the kids need him to be strong.

Somehow, visualising all that has made him feel a little better. The fog has disappeared from his limbs, and the buzzing in his ears has finally gone quiet. The sound of the children screaming comes back into focus, and Chan finds that his chest is only a little numb. 

That's fine. He can deal with the fact that he's very obviously repressing all his emotions when the kids have gone to bed. Surely the fact that he knows he's repressing them has already got to be a good start. 

He's dealing with it.

He has to be - no, he _is_ \- completely fine.

"Daddy!" Jeongin must have heard the door close. He comes swinging around the doorframe in one smooth motion, socks gliding across the tiled floor much more easily that Chan had found it. He comes hurtling towards him. Before Chan can even think to move out of the way, Jeongin had collided with his legs.

He grabs onto them with a little too much force, and shuffles around until his back is to the door. The force of the impact had almost knocked Chan off balance. Jeongin is getting stronger lately. He may not realise it, but he's growing up.

They're all growing up.

"Hide me!" Jeongin squeals, pressing his chest to the back of Chan's legs. His arms are plastered to his sides and he's standing as stiff as a board, only moving every so often to peek out from behind Chan to get a better view of the corridor. 

"From what?" Chan gets as far as asking, and then the question is answered for him. 

The rest of the kids come charging down the corridor, shrieking and hooting the whole time. They're such a tangle of limbs, moving almost as one singular being, that for a second Chan can't tell where one child ends and another begins. 

Jisung's head pops up, and Chan catches a glimpse of where Changbin's got his hand wrapped tightly around his arm. Seungmin is wearing the head of a dinosaur. It's probably from the seemingly endless trunk of fancy-dress clothes in Jeongin's room. It looks like it's made from cotton, and therefore probably not rough enough to irritate his heightened sense of touch. 

Minho seems to be holding one of the polystyrene sticks from when they'd built the bunkbed - even though Chan is sure that he'd made sure to throw them all out. He's waving it around like a conductor's baton, leading the other children into battle. In his other hand, he's pulling along 

Hyunjin, who seems to have also raided the fancy-dress trunk for a princess costume. He keeps almost stumbling over the pink fabric bunching around his feet. Despite being tall for his age, the dress is obviously a couple of sizes too big.

And Felix follows behind them

Or, maybe follows isn't the best word. He's as much of a part of the group as anyone else. He certainly has the same goofy grin on his face, that's for sure. There's the tiara from Hyunjin's princess dress perched on his head, although he seems to be wearing the chest-piece from a foam suit of armour at the same time. When the group of kids spot Jeongin and start yelling all over again, Felix's voice is one of the loudest. 

Minho - definitely the leader, Chan can now tell - raises his sword. "For the country!" He cries, to an enthusiastic shout from the rest of the kids, "For the Queen!" Another cheer. "And for our honour! Chaaaarge!"

Jeongin squeaks, clutching onto Chan's legs even tighter. He refuses to let go as the horde of children begin to run towards them, despite the fact that he's effectively trapping both of them to the spot. 

"Boys."

It's the first thing that Chan has said since his conversation with Jihyo, and maybe the kids can sense the strange emotion in his voice. He's not playing along as he might do normally, and he doesn't sound like he's about to ask what they're playing either. Instead, his tone is flat and sober. He knows that he must look tired, he must sound mad, and by the expressions on the faces of the children, he realises that he's scaring them slightly.

Chan is never mad at them. 

They come to a sliding halt in the middle of the corridor. Minho's grip around the polystyrene stick falters, seemingly torn between freezing in place or putting it down by his side. Hyunjin pulls on the material of his dress anxiously, Changbin had stopped so suddenly that Jisung had almost run right into him. Felix tilts his head in curiosity and Seungmin's dinosaur hood has slipped off of his head slightly. 

The mood is unreadable. They aren't sure if they're in trouble. They've done nothing wrong, of course, but to the kids, it probably seems like Chan is always telling them off for one thing or another. But even then, he doubts that his voice has this level of seriousness. 

Jeongin finally releases his grip on Chan's thighs. He pulls away, unsure of what's actually happening. Or - what's about to happen.

"We were just playing," Seungmin says, earnestly, "I'm a dinosaur, see? And Innie is the little servant boy who tried to poison Princess Hyunjin, so now we've gotta execute him."

"We're gonna make a guillotine an' everything," Jeongin pipes up, looking very proud of himself for knowing such big words. There's such an expression of pride on his face that Chan's pretty sure he doesn't know what either 'execute' or 'guillotine' means. From the shifty look on Minho's face, he's not wrong.

Changbin puts his hand up to speak, "We can be quieter if you'd like?"

"That means that Jisung has to stop screaming so much," Minho mutters, and is then very promptly shoved by Hyunjin.

"We all know it was you who was screaming," Hyunjin says, "Like when you saw that spider and you screamed so loud that-"

"Boys," Chan says, sensing that they're about to get off-topic. "I'm not going to tell you to be quieter. You're not in trouble."

There's an audible sigh as most of the kids relax. It's at times like these that the ones who have been raised by Chan show the startling divide between them and the others. Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin all trust him. They have no reason not to. Chan has never lied to them, not about things as important as this.

The others, not so much. Hyunjin's eyes are still wary. Changbin's back is a stiff as a board, watching Chan's face for any sign that he might not be... sober. Felix seems strung between them. He didn't understand most of what Chan had said, but he's gotten very good at guessing the words just from the tone of the sentence

He's the only one of them that remembers how strained Chan's voice had been at first. 

"But there's still something I need to tell you."

That's enough to remind them, alright. Any signs that they might have been starting to get comfortable immediately disappears. 

Chan's heart misses a beat. "I need to talk to Felix." There's a pause, a moment of silence as that information takes a second to sink in. Maybe Hyunjin's eyes widen with realisation, maybe he's just shocked that Chan wants to talk to one of them specifically. Maybe Felix knows that the tone of his name can mean nothing good, maybe he's just as oblivious as before.

They don't move to leave. Chan's hand finds its way down to Jeongin's back. He pushes the four-year-old forwards, just gently enough to spur him into joining the rest of the children. Still, no one dares to break eye-contact with Chan. 

"Alone, please."

Minho frowns. "You never talk to us alone," he says, despite the fact that some of the kids are already beginning to file out of the room. Changbin casts one last glance at Felix before he leaves. They won't go far - probably just to the living room, where they can sit on the sofas in the hope that Chan will invite them back in a couple of minutes. "Felix shouldn't have to be alone if he doesn't want to be."

Chan sighs. "I think that's my call to make, Minho," he says, and immediately hates himself for it. Minho's face crumples. He lifts his head up, nose in the air, and tries to hide how red his cheeks are as he follows Jeongin outside, shutting the door behind him. 

It leaves Chan and Felix alone in the corridor.

Felix blinks up at him, shifting his weight from foot to foot. His expression says that he'd understood what Chan had said perfectly - despite it being entirely in Korean. In other circumstances, Chan would be proud at how far his understanding has come. Now, it does nothing to lessen the feeling of guilt in his chest. 

What was he thinking, trying to teach Felix Korean?

Why did he ever think that would work out? Chan had grown up in Australia, he knew how little use the language would actually be. There was probably a reason why Felix's parents hadn't taught him anything other than 'Hello' and 'Nice to meet you'. It was just another part of his little delusion. Just something else he'd persuaded himself into believing.

" _Felix_ ," he says, " _There's something we need to talk about._ "

Felix nods. He's nervous, it's obvious to see. " _Okay._ "

" _Do you want to sit down?_ "

It might be phrased like a question, but it's not. Chan is already passing Felix and taking his hand, pulling the five-year-old until they're both sat at the bottom of the stairs, staring back at the door. This might take a while. They don't have anywhere near as long as Chan would like, but there still needs to be a lengthy explanation. 

Felix looks up at him. The tiara perched in his head is a little too big, and he keeps having to reach up and stop it from slipping into his eyes. Chan has to stop himself from reaching out and adjusting it himself. 

" _Felix,_ " he begins, " _Do you know who was at the door just then?_ "

Felix looks at the door and shakes his head. " _Santa?_ "

" _It wasn't Santa, baby._ " Chan pauses, trying to order his thoughts. It's better to just... get this over and done with. It's better to put Felix out of this strange limbo of uncertainty. The faster Chan can convey what's happening, the more time Felix has to say goodbye. " _Do you remember Jihyo?_ "

"Uh," Felix's forehead furrows. " _I think so? She's the nice lady that took me in her car? I remember 'cause there was a dog sticker in the window. I want a dog._ "

" _That would be her. Do you remember where she works, or what she does for you?_ " Chan pauses to let Felix answer, but he only gets a blank stare in response. " _Jihyo works for Yellow Wood, which is the foster agency that placed you at this house. She's here because there's been a change in your case._ "

Felix grins. " _Tha's what you wanted!_ " He says, sitting straight up and almost bouncing in his seat in excitement, " _Tha's what you said - you said you wanted them to know more! And now they know more!_ "

" _Felix-_ "

" _Nuh-uh, it's definitely what you wanted! You were gettin' all mopey and grumpy and comp- complain' that they didn't tell you anything, and now they're tellin' you stuff!_ " 

Then, he stops in place. It's as if his bones have suddenly frozen, fixing him to the spot and keeping him there. Felix's eyes widen. His lower lip wobbles, his voice is quiet, and when the tiara slips down again, he doesn't move to fix it. " _Why don't you look happy?_ "

Chan is trying desperately to keep himself together. The world is slipping away, ever so slowly. He thinks of how innocent Felix had looked; how happy he's been. 

_ Why don't you look happy? _

_ "Oh, baby,"  _ he says, " _Felix. Jihyo came to say that you can go home._ "

" _Home?"_ Felix doesn't look like he understands. He looks at the door again, and then back to Chan, and then to the living room where the other kids are. " _I'm already home._ "

Chan shakes his head. He hopes that his voice isn't breaking, he hopes that his cheeks aren't pink and his eyes aren't red. It's so, _so_ hard to keep it all together, but he has to be strong. He can't think about what Felix meant with that statement. He can't, otherwise he'll hold him tight and never end up letting go. " _I mean to Australia, baby. It's been decided that it's okay for you to go home now. There'll be a new foster house that you can stay in, new friends that you can make, new-"_

But Felix isn't listening. " _I don't want to go back to Australia!"_

His voice rises to a crescendo, getting louder with each word until he's practically yelling. His little cheeks are pink with the force of it. The tiara has long gone fallen off his head, but Chan doubts that Felix has even noticed. Before he even gets the chance to respond and try and calm the situation, the door to the living room flies open.

" _Australia?"_ Minho says, with fire in his eyes. Even with his heavy accent, every syllable of the word is said with deliberate emphasis. He knows exactly what it means. "You're making him leave?"

Hyunjin's head appears from behind the door, quickly followed by Changbin and Jeongin. Just as Chan had expected, none of them had moved away. They'd probably all been pressing their ears to the wood, hoping to catch any words that were loud enough. It just so happened that the first one they'd heard had been the only one that mattered. 

The hallway erupts in noise. Chan jumps to his feet immediately, trying to calm the sudden hordes of angry children all yelling at him. It's so loud that he doesn't get a chance to defend himself - or even attempt to explain what's really going on. Felix doesn't move from where he's sat on the stairs. He still hasn't picked up his tiara. 

"He's not leaving!" Minho yells, and Chan is surprised to see that he's crying. There are full on tears running down his cheeks. "You can't make him leave! You can't!"

Jeongin has managed to slip past, and clings onto a still-frozen Felix's legs. Hyunjin is gripping onto the living room door with so much force that his fingers have turned white. Jisung, Changbin quickly join Minho in yelling, but they're more confused than angry. Seungmin is stood in the corner with his hands over his ears, and Chan very quickly sees where this is going to end up if he doesn't do something soon.

"Boys!"

It's loud, and it works. Minho's mouth closes with an audible snap, and the rest of the kids soon follow with their silence. The room still simmers with an unidentifiable tension, but at least now they're giving Chan a chance to speak. "We can talk about this if we talk quietly. I understand you're angry, but there will be no yelling."

Minho starts to protest, but Chan shuts him up with a single glare. "You're old enough now to talk to me like an adult," he says. "Before you start assuming things, you've got to listen to me explain first. No yelling."

"No yelling," is what he eventually gets back in mumbled agreement.

"Thank you." It might not last long once they find out where they can _really_ direct their outcry, but it's good enough for now. Chan takes a deep breath, and tries to calm himself one last time. He can see the fear in the kids' eyes, and he knows that it reflects in his own. He can only hope that they're too caught up in themselves not to notice. "Felix is leaving."

Immediately, the tension in the room rises again. Minho's practically screaming, but his lips are so tightly pressed together that any sound he makes is too muffled to make out. The other children aren't so thoughtful, and their mouths open all over again.

"No yelling." Chan reminds them, before anyone can actually get as far as to interrupt him. "I'm not the one that's made this decision. Yellow Wood has decided that it's okay for Felix to go home now, back to Australia. I understand that you might be upset, but this is for the best."

Hyunjin is by his side in an instant, shaking his head furiously. "Nuh-uh! It doesn't happen like this! I've been through tons and tons of homes wi'v people leaving, and they always, _always_ tell us before. You're playin' tricks on us."

"I'm not playing a trick on you," Chan says. He hopes that the tone of his voice is enough to convince Hyunjin that he's telling the truth. He simply doesn't have enough energy to argue. But already, he can see how Hyunjin's eyes flicker with realisation. The five-year-old mumbles something and then steps back, hands balled into fists. "They want him to get home as soon as possible. That means..." He glances at Felix, only now realising that he hadn't even gotten that far in his explanation, "He's leaving soon."

It hurts.

Behind him, Felix has stood up. He's lost the anger from before, and all his fight has drained from his body. When Chan turns to face him, he refuses to meet his eyes. " _When?_ "

" _Jihyo's coming back in an hour._ "

Felix nods. He looks so tiny, so small and defeated, that Chan's half-convinced he'll disappear as soon as he turns away. Maybe he'll just wither away into durst. Maybe that would mean Chan's heart would stop breaking a little more with every passing second. 

"How soon?" Seungmin says, jumping up and down to get Chan's attention. "Hey! Hey! How soon?"

Chan looks down at him. "Soon," he says, "is soon. Very soon."

"Changbin going to the loo 'soon', or lunchtime is ending 'soon'?" asks Jisung, much to the dismay of Changbin, who very loudly protests that he doesn't take that long on the toilet, thank you very much, Jisung is just impatient. 

"Soon," Chan replies. How can he tell the kids that Felix is leaving in an hour? It just hurts too much, no matter what he tries to do. His heart aches, his head throbs, and the world seems like it's spinning out of control. Felix has disappeared, he realises. He'd taken his suitcase - that had been laying against the wall in the corridor ever since Yellow Wood had dropped it off - with him. He must have gone to pack.

Alone.

Just the thought of it makes Chan want to burst into tears. A five-year-old shouldn't have to be packing for a trip - no matter where - alone. Felix shouldn't be made to leave everything behind again in the first place, and he certainly shouldn't have to do it alone.

Chan can recognise the signs of shock in a child like the back of his hand. He's seen every single form, read up on how it can present a million times, just so he knows how to make his kids feel better. Not even just his kids - _any_ child that lands on his doorstep deserves the best, no matter how long they may be staying. 

It's easy to tell that Felix is just taking in the new information. Going by how he'd reacted when he'd first arrived at Chan's house, the sudden quiet and cold front is just a layer of protection. From what Chan had managed to gather, Felix tended to flip-flop between acting like everything was fine and being set off by the smallest thing. If Chan's got this right, he'll be back down the stairs in a couple of minutes, asking for help like nothing's wrong.

It's a coping mechanism. One that Chan had hoped to get him through, one that he'd even started to look up therapy options for, because Felix hadn't deserved to have to wait for the government to sort his files out. 

Even without Chan, he'll get through it eventually.

He'll be fine.

Chan forces himself to breathe, smiling back at the kids like it's all completely fine. As if he's not falling apart at the edges. Because Chan is the strong one here, and Chan has to be the one to protect these kids, because no one else is going to do that job for him. "In fact," he says, "I've just had an idea. I think Felix would like something to remember you all by, don't you agree? How about you help him pack for the journey by giving him a little present?"

The kids agree.

Maybe they think that they have to be the strong ones for Chan. That they have to protect him, because no one else is going to do that job for them.

In some ways, they're not wrong.

When Felix leaves in Jihyo's car, his suitcase is full to bursting with items that aren't his. Minho wouldn't ever bear to part with one of his three main cat plushies, but a smaller kitten is deemed just enough to be pressed into Felix's palm. Changbin rolls up a drawing of all eight of them and puts it in Felix's pocket. Hyunjin gives him one of Kkami's bright pink welly boots, 'one of a pair', and Jisung's book in braille - the one that Felix had been so fascinated with in the car all those days ago - ends up sandwiched between his t-shirts and socks. Seungmin's missing one more dinosaur figure. Jeongin's bunny - the very one that he'd let Felix borrow when he'd first arrived - never makes it back to his bed. 

And as Felix is driven away, staring out of the backseat window with huge eyes, he takes with him one last item that isn't his.

A little piece of Chan's heart. 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

"Felix?"

The car is warm. It's still cold enough outside that he'd been wrapped up in his coat before leaving the house. The sky is grey and cloudy, and the difference in temperatures causes the windows to fog up. Felix drags his finger over the glass, drawing little pictures instead of actually paying attention. 

He's not very good at it. The lines never seem to go where he wants them too, and the drawings always look like they've been crying, as the water drips down and ruins all his hard-work. Even the smiley face he'd drawn looked a little upset. The smile was wonky, and the eyes were two different sizes, no matter how much Felix had tried to make them even. They'd just ended up taking up most of the space on the window. 

He's not very good at it, but there's not much else to do in the car. 

The road is long. The road is boring. And since the car is warm, Felix is too hot in his coat.

He doesn't move to take it off, though. The nice lady driving the car doesn't seem like she'd be mad, but it's better to be safe than sorry. His Mommy always used to be annoyed when Felix took his coat off in the car, and _she_ was nice.

_"Felix_!" She'd say, as Rachel laughed at him. Olivia was too little to know what they were laughing at, really, but she always joined in anyway, waving her sticky fingers all over the place. _"Don't! If you're too hot, that's your own fault for choosing the wear a coat in the first place!_ "

It didn't matter when Rachel took her coat off, because Rachel was older and therefore 'more sensible'. Even if she didn't seem that way to Felix, who would argue that anyone afraid of spiders was not sensible in the slightest. It didn't matter when Olivia babbled about being too hot either, because then Mommy would just pull over to the side of the road and help her out of the layers of clothes. 

Felix never pointed out that Mommy was the one who'd told him to wear the coat in the first place. He's not sure she would have liked that answer. 

"Felix?" The nice lady says again, and this time Felix realises she's trying to get his attention. She keeps trying to look at him through the mirror near the roof of the car, and he keeps looking away. His drawings are much more interesting. And, besides, Felix isn't sure that he wants to talk to her. 

Chan would have let him take his coat off. 

The nice lady has given up calling his name. She must know that he can hear her, since she says something anyway. Felix recognises what she says as Korean. The funny mixture of sounds is becoming very familiar, although Felix still can't help but wish that everyone in the whole wide world spoke English. 

"Felix, we're ----- there. Not much ---------."

He's not sure whether he's supposed to reply or not, and so decides to stay quiet. What had she said? It wasn't very nice of her to only speak in Korean when she knew he couldn't understand it. After a few moments of translation, Felix concludes that they must be almost at the airport. He'd understood 'there', after all, and he couldn't think of anything else that would make sense. 

Maybe they were just going to McDonalds or something.

That would be cool. He'd seen on the TV that they were doing a new type of toy, and Felix _really_ wanted one. Mommy had never let him go to McDonalds, but when he'd asked Hyunjin, he'd said that Chan let them go _all the time_. Felix had hoped that Chan would take him there someday. Maybe he'd even get to put his fries into his milkshake like they did on TV.

Absent-mindedly, he draws some fries on the window. The very bottom of the box bleeds into the smiley face from earlier. Felix realises that he's beginning to run out of space to draw anything else. When he's sure the nice lady isn't looking, he breathes onto the glass and starts all over again. 

They're probably not going to McDonalds anyway. 

The nice lady doesn't say anything after that. The fog on the windows fade after a while, and despite Felix's best efforts to keep them misted over, his drawings soon disappear. The smiley face, the fries - they're all gone, and the only thing that's left to do is to watch the streets go past. 

As he watches, the city gets less dense. There are so many people here. They're all wrapped up in their own coats (not that Felix wants to think about coats anymore, he's already overheating, thank you very much), and they keep their heads down. There's nothing interesting on the pavement, but that doesn't seem to stop them. The ground is almost the same shade of grey as the sky above them. 

After a while, the tall buildings disappear like his drawings. So do the people on the streets, and the last of Felix's entertainment is gone. They drive down a very boring motorway, the nice lady humming along to something in the front of the car, and then they join a _massive_ queue of traffic.

There's got to be at least a million cars. Felix wonders where they're all going. He wonders if there's a McDonalds there. 

He's hungry, as well as too hot. 

"--------- long time," says the nice lady, "I think we ------- get there, but --------" She looks behind her, to Felix, and sighs. He's still avoiding looking at her, and that seems to be making her a little bit sad. Or maybe it's the three billion cars in front of them. Felix's Mommy always used to get annoyed when there were cars in front of them. 

" _Damn it!_ " She'd used to say. _"We should have left earlier!"_ Then Rachel would say something like ' _Felix took too long in the bathroom_ ', and Felix would say ' _It's your fault for taking so long before me_ ', and Olivia would say something really stupid like ' _Beans!_ '. 

Then Mommy would get annoyed and tell them all to shut up, although she didn't really mean it. 

Felix doesn't know why he keeps thinking of Mommy. Maybe the nice lady driving the car reminds him of her, just a little bit. Maybe it's just that he's _really_ too hot in this coat, and it's beginning to melt his brain. 

He's so caught up in his thoughts that he only notices that the car's stopped when the nice lady opens his door for him. She almost goes to undo his seatbelt from him, which Felix rolls his eyes at. Does she think that he's a baby? He's been able to free himself from car seats like this for _years_. 

But still.

"Thank you," he says, hoping that his Korean is good enough. He'd always been told that being polite was important, even if the person hadn't been very helpful in the first place. The nice lady's face looks a lot happier after that, either way, and so Felix feels proud of himself for remembering his manners. 

She helps him get his suitcase from the boot, and reaches out to take his hand. Felix pauses. He's still holding onto Minho's kitten plushie, and he _obviously_ can't hold the lady's hand, the toy and the suitcase at once. He ends up tucking the cat into his coat pocket. The lady is still holding out her hand.

"That's a nice cat," she says, as they begin to make their way towards the massive building to one side of the car park. It feels oddly familiar to Felix. He wonders if he's been here before. "Does it have a name?"

Felix looks down at his pocket.

The cat stares back at him with big eyes. He hadn't wanted to say it, but it was a lot cuter than the sort-of creepy bunny that Jeongin had given him. The fur was softer, as well, and he swore he could see a glimmer of life in those glassy eyes - just like in toy story! But he hadn't thought to give it a name yet.

"Dunno," he says. Hyunjin had said the word enough that it had managed to rub off on him, and always felt especially proud when he used it. He sounded like a native Korean speaker, he's sure of it. "No name yet."

The lady smiles at him. "Don't -----. How about you decide a name while we walk?" 

They head through the big glass and metal doors, and- oh, that's how Felix had recognised this place. He's seen these big signs, the same adverts plastered onto every wall, the billions and billions of people all walking around with their suitcases trailing behind them. There's a certain smell that makes Felix wrinkle his nose up. At least it's not too warm to be wearing his coat.

This is an airport.

It makes sense. He'd come to South Korea through an airport, although that seemed like it had been years ago, and Felix had slept through most of the experience. He'd been really excited to travel on a plane, he remembered. But watching the clouds had been boring after a while (they really weren't actually sheep, Rachel had been right all along), and before he'd known it, they'd been on the ground all over again.

He's still been tired as they left, but Felix is completely sure that this is the same place. There are massive screens above him, with big long strings of letters and numbers that don't make sense - even though they're in English. He remembers his Daddy saying something about flight times, although it seems like so long ago. Maybe that's what they mean. 

He hopes that the nice lady doesn't get as stressed as his parents had when they'd seen the signs. They'd made Felix run. He's not sure whether he'd be able to run in this coat. 

"This way."

The nice lady pulls him along, though a crowd of people and closer to the small shops lined up around the edge of the massive building. There doesn't seem to be many of them, but Felix doesn't think that they're actually going shopping. By the way that the nice lady is muttering to herself, they're looking for something.

Maybe they're looking for the toilets. It _had_ been an awfully long car journey, after all. Chan had made Felix go to the loo before he'd left the house, and now Felix feels quite proud of himself for not needing to go again. 

"Where-" says the nice lady, still talking under her breath, "Where-?"

She lets go of Felix's hand, rummaging in her coat pockets until she finds a sheet of paper. It looks very boring. There's not much else to do here, except wait, and Felix's legs are beginning to get tired. He wonders if the nice lady would be mad if he sat on the floor, and eventually decides that it's not worth the risk. The only proper place to sit would be some benches nearby, where a ton of people in posh clothes - suits and grey skirts, that's definitely boring enough to be posh - are standing. 

They look intimidating. 

As Felix watches, one of the men looks up, and for a second, they make eye contact. Felix immediately looks away. He doesn't know if he was supposed to be looking at them, but it definitely feels wrong somehow. Like he's been caught in the act.

Maybe they're spies! They certainly look like they're wearing the clothes of spies - or at least, when the spies are doing all the boring meeting bits of the film. Except... if they _are_ spies, then Felix really shouldn't have been looking at them.

The man he'd made eye-contact with frowns. He says something to the man standing next to him, and together they start to make their way over to Felix and the nice lady. 

"Uh!" He says, tugging on the lady's sleeve, hoping that it's enough to get the message across. She still hasn't finished looking at her boring paper yet. "Here! Bad!"

The lady looks down at him, finally putting away the paper. "What are you talking about?" All of Felix's Korean has disappeared from his mind, and he's left pointing violently at the two people heading towards them. She looks up at them, squints, and - 

Smiles?

"Oh!" She says, taking his hand and _starting to pull him towards them._ This isn't how Felix wanted this to go! Isn't she scared of them? The men have stopped in their own tracks, and gesture of the lady to come join them. "Thanks, Felix! You're --------!"

Uh oh.

He tries to pull away, but it's no use. The nice lady is successful in dragging him across the sparkly airport floor, until they're practically in the middle of the posh people. With one hand, he reaches into his pocket and squeezes the cat toy a little. It makes him feel braver. 

The lady seems to have forgotten he's there. She's still holding his hand his hand, but not for much longer, as she almost immediately drops it to search for the paper in her pocket again. There's a man talking to her in such quick Korean that Felix doesn't have a hope of working out what's being said. 

He looks down at his shoes.

For some reason, he feels incredibly out of place. There are so many adults here, all wearing such posh and boring clothes, and none of them are even bothering to tell him what's going on. It's almost like he doesn't exist? 

Felix wonders what would happen if he ran away, right now. Everyone seems so interested in the boring sheets of paper that he's sure they wouldn't notice. Maybe if he even ran fast enough, he'd manage to make it all the way back to Chan's house! He could hide under Changbin's bed with him, no one would ever find him there.

He must be looking lonely, since the next thing he knows, someone taps him on the shoulder. Discarding all fantasies of managing to escape, he turns to see who it is.

There's a lady there, smiling. She looks less scary than the rest of the people wearing suits, and she's so pretty that Felix can't help but blush when he realises she's smiling at _him_. It's intimidating. She sort-of looks like a princess from one of Hyunjin's books, like she's a character from a fairy tale. 

_"Hello,_ " she says, and Felix is so in awe of her that he takes a moment to realise that she's spoken in English. And - more than anything - her accent is familiar. She's from Australia, just like him! _"My name is Rose. I'm assuming that you're the Felix I've heard so much about?"_

Ok, now that's suspicious. Felix narrows his eyes at her. _"What have you heard?"_

The lady looks taken aback for a second. And then her entire face lights up as she throws her head back to laugh. _"Nothing bad, I promise!"_ Even when she stops laughing, the smile doesn't fade from her face. _"Now, are your legs tired? You've been standing up for a while, I'd bet, so how about we go and sit down together?"_

Felix nods, and Rose takes him by the hand. She leads him to the seats behind where the rest of the people in suits are standing. Felix thinks she might try and take his suitcase from him - that's what adults do; they always assume you can't do _anything_ by yourself - but she doesn't. In fact, she doesn't even question it when Felix pulls the bag closer to himself, not letting it out of his sight.

_"Your cat- "_ Is what she says instead, _"- is very cute. Do they have a name?"_

When he'd reached into his pocket earlier, he must have accidentally left the cat's paw hanging out. That's what Rose was talking about. Felix pulls it out from his coat and stares it in its beady eyes, using one hand to pat down the fur on the back of its head. _"Not yet."_

_"Really?"_ The lady hums, _"How about we think of one now, then? Let's see... is there anyone or anything special to you? I've always named my stuffed animals after the people - or things - I love."_

_"Like chocolate?"_

Rose smiles. _"Just like chocolate. Is that what the cat's going to be called?"_

_"No."_ Felix finds the idea of a cat called chocolate funny, but it's not quite right. He squeezes the kitten a little tighter, thinking as hard as he can. He's got to find the perfect name. He's got to- _"Chan."_

_"Chan? The cat's name is Chan?"_

Felix nods. He'd been a little uncertain about it, at first, but now he's decided that it really is perfect. The kitten definitely looks like a Chan. Even if it's only a baby cat, and the real Chan is very, very old. It's perfect. 

_"It's a lovely name,"_ says Rose. She smiles. _"Can I ask who Chan is, Felix? Someone you love, right?"_

_"Yeah."_ Somehow, it doesn't feel strange to tell Rose everything. There's just something about her that's kind. She seems really kind. Maybe if Felix tells her everything, she'll help him run away from the airport. _"Chan is who was lookin' after me. He's, like, the nicest person ever!"_

_"Oh? Tell me more."_

_"Yeah! So, Chan was there when I was all sad and alone, and then he gave me cookies the day after I got to his house, just because I was upset! Mommy never used to give me cookies, not even when I cried. And Chan has tons of kids living at his house as well; there was Minho and Changbin and Hyunjin and Jisung - who's almost the exact same age as me, so we're basically twins - and Seungmin and Jeongin."_

Rose nods, looking like she's about to say something, but Felix finds that he can't stop talking. The more he says, the more he wants the world to know.

_"Jeongin's the littlest, by the way, so he's the baby. And Minho's the oldest. He hated me for a while, which wasn't very nice and I sort of haven't forgiven him for it yet, but then he gave me the cat plushie, so maybe I should forgive him."_

_"They sound lovely,"_ Rose says.She obviously wants to hear more, so Felix beams. Of course she wants to hear more, _everyone_ should hear more about them. He can't understand how people don't want to hear more about Chan and his family, and Felix, of course.

_"Oh, they are. Hyunjin let me borrow his princess crown - which is the nicest and kindest thing ever, because it's got these little sparkly jewels on it. Seungmin says that they're not_ real _diamonds, but me 'n' Hyunjin don't believe him, because Jeongin tried to bite one once and it didn't even break. Diamonds are super strong, by the way."_

_"I guess they are."_

_"Well, yeah, they are. Chan told me that, because he's really smart, even if he is old."_ Felix frowns, looking at Rose a little harder. _"Although... not old, old. Just old. Kinda like you."_

Rose coughs, looking a little startled, and Felix frowns again. Maybe she's getting ill. He scoots away a little, just far enough that he shouldn't be too close to any germs. 

When she's gotten over her sudden choking fit, Rose smiles back at him. _"Wow. You must have really liked them,"_ she says, although her voice sounds a little different to before. She keeps glancing to the other people in suits and frowning. She opens her mouth, and then her face changes, like she's realised something completely different. _"I thought you couldn't speak Korean?"_

It's a little strange how she knows that, but Felix is too preoccupied in his explanation to think about it too much. _"Well, I only speak a teensy-weensy little bit of Korean. Chan's from Australia, so he was speakin' to me in English and then teachin' me Korean."_ Felix frowns. Another thought has just occurred to him. _"Do I still get to learn Korean?"_

But it doesn't look like Rose is listening anymore. She's deep in thought. Well, she didn't reply to Felix's question, so she must be deep in thought. It's the only other possibility. 

After a while, she looks back over to him. There's a strange expression on her face, one that Felix can't quite recognise. She keeps glancing back over to the other people in suits, and the lines on her forehead haven't quite disappeared. _"He's Australian?"_

Wordlessly, Felix nods. He'd literally just said that, hadn't she been listening?

_"And, Felix,"_ she continues, _"How are you feeling about returning to Australia? I need you to be very honest with me. This is important."_ There's a pause, as she looks back over to the posh people again and sighs. _"I don't think... This might be the last chance there is."_

She looks worried. What is there to be worried about? Felix is already leaving everything behind, and now she wants to know whether he wants to go back to Australia or not? But he's already at the airport, it doesn't make sense.

Felix's Mommy always told him to tell the truth. Sometimes she didn't like the truth and she'd get mad - even if she'd _promised_ that she wouldn't be angry - but she always got him to tell the truth anyway. 

Chan had told Felix to tell the truth as well. He hadn't gotten angry about it, like Mommy had, but instead he'd talked to Felix like he was an adult. Even when Felix was being told off, there wasn't really a punishment as long as he knew not to do it again.

And so, he decides to say exactly what he thinks. Rose is one of the posh people in suits, he's not sure that she _wants_ to hear that Felix would much rather not be getting on the plane, but that doesn't matter. She'd asked for the truth. _"I don't wanna go. I miss Chan. And Minho and Changbin and Hyunjin and Jisung and Seungmin and Jeongin, even if I've only been gone a little while. They all said that they'd miss me too, but I don't wan' them to be sad."_

Rose nods.

_"Thank you,"_ she says, _"That's all I needed."_

With that, she stands up. Felix isn't sure whether to follow her or not - she hadn't even said that the conversation was over! - but once she starts talking to one of the men wearing a suit, he decides that he doesn't care. Thinking about Chan's house has made him upset.

Or... not quite upset. Rather, it feels like there's a hole in his tummy, right where something should be. Instead of feeling upset or angry or annoyed, Felix just feels empty. He knows he wants Chan to be here right now, holding him tight, and he knows that it would make the funny, empty feeling in his tummy go away. 

But Chan isn't here. Felix ends up clutching the kitten-Chan a little closer to his chest.

The people in suits are talking louder now, but it's still in Korean and Felix is bored of trying to understand. They seem to be annoyed. Or at least, they're having a discussion about the sheets of paper.

Rose is in the middle of it all. She seems to be talking the loudest, to someone who looks very, very important. The nice lady who'd taken Felix to the airport is there with her, frantically nodding her head. She's holding her phone out in one hand, showing it to people and looking very agitated. 

No one seems to want to tell Felix what's going on. They point to him, every so often, but no one has spoken to him since Rose. It's almost as is his opinion doesn't matter, which is stupid. He's a big boy. He should get to be included as well. 

As he watches, one of the men stands up a little straighter. It's the one that Rose was talking to, the one that looks the most important out of all the people there. He looks over to Felix, for a second, and stares.

There's something strange in his eyes. Felix shrinks back against the seat, wondering if he's done something wrong. They've been sitting here for what feels like hours, after all. Maybe they've missed the flight because of him. He knows that's not a nice thing to hope, but he still hopes it anyway.

The man is still looking at him. Then, he nods and turns away. The nice lady stands frozen behind him, still clutching her paper and her phone. Rose is in a similar position, but she quickly collects herself. The important man calls out something to the rest of the people in suits, who've all noticed that something has changed by now, and then they start to walk away. 

Every single one of them.

Felix gets to his feet as well, not quite sure what to do. The only person left is the nice lady, and she's still staring into space. 

Wasn't he supposed to be going with them? No one seems to be telling him anything, but Felix is pretty sure that that had been the plan.

Has he been forgotten?

He better not have been. Felix doesn't even realise he's crossing his arms until the movement is finished. _Chan_ would never forget him. It's more than just being forgotten, as well - he's tired, he's hungry, and he just wants to go home. It's like they don't _care_ about him.

His stomach grumbles, not for the first time. How long has it been since he last had something to eat? He'd had a snack at Chan's house, but that feels like it had been years ago. Normally he'd have had much more, by now. And his legs _still_ hurt from being made to stand up for that whole time. 

He makes his way over to the nice lady, still not unfolding his arms. Maybe if he looks pouty enough, she'll let him have McDonalds. "I'm hungry."

The lady looks down, as if seeing him for the first time. Her eyes are red, Felix notices, just like when Rachel had dared him to stick his nose in a bag of chilli flakes. She certainly doesn't have any chilli on her, so maybe she's just a little upset or something. Adults do that, getting upset for no reason whatsoever. It does take Felix slightly by surprise, however.

"Uh," he says, still not quite having switched back to Korean yet, "Sad?"

The nice lady smiles. "Oh, Felix." She says, "I'm not sad, I'm ---------." And then she holds out her hand all over again. Even though Felix is pretty certain that he was supposed to have left with the people in suits, and that he should have said goodbye to the nice lady a while ago, he takes it.

She'd said that she wasn't sad, right? Felix decides to take the opportunity with both hands. Now is a good a time as any. "McDonalds?"

"Not quite," says the nice lady, "We've got to get you home."

\---

Chan is not quite sure what to do. He watched Jihyo take Felix away, and then there was simply... nothing. 

The world felt a little darker. His heart felt a little emptier. And that strange numbness wasn't just him; the whole house seemed to be quiet and still for once. The contagious energy of the kids had finally run out, so it seemed. In its place, they wandered through the rooms like ghosts.

Maybe he was in shock.

It didn't help that the children seemed to be keeping away from him. They could probably recognise the strange energy radiating from him, the fact that Felix leaving had more of an impact on him than it had had on themselves. They were giving him space, but they hadn't realised that's not what he needed.

Looking after the children - _his_ children - is what gave Chan a purpose in life.

It's what kept him going. Even when times were hard, it's what fuelled him to never even consider giving up. When it was just him and Minho, Chan hadn't had a full night's sleep for months. Minho had been a fussy child, always wanting someone near him, and the stress had almost driven him insane.

Chan had been young. The baby wasn't even his, for crying out loud, and he'd had no idea about how to be a parent. He'd read as many books and online guides as he could, but none of them had really seemed to work. They all described a 'mother's instinct', and said that 'at the right time, he'd simply know what to do'. 

None of the websites he'd visited had ever seemed to consider his situation. There was nothing to see past the baby, and through into what he really was: fresh out of university, young and inexperienced, and all alone with a baby.

At points, he'd almost given up.

But then Minho had looked at him with those huge eyes. For every night that he'd cried himself hoarse, he'd spent the days gurgling up at Chan, giggling and reaching out with his chubby hands. He'd looked at the world with such curiosity and wonder, and Chan had known right from that point that he'd do anything to protect him.

From there, it had spiralled. The house had seemed quiet, Minho had wanted a brother, and so Chan looked into adopting. Seungmin and Jisung came one after the other, and Chan wouldn't have traded them for the world.

Even when the kids had begun to take over - the arrival of Jeongin had managed to coincide with Hyunjin's adoption, and Chan had almost thought that he wouldn't be physically able to cope - he'd kept fighting. Changbin's arrival had been a continuation of that fight, and then there had been Felix.

Chan's heart was just too big.

He'd gotten attached too quickly, just like with all the other children. Except, this time, the world hadn't been so kind. 

Now, the rest of the children were all hidden upstairs. They were keeping out of his way, probably trying to cope with Felix's sudden departure in their own way. It left Chan all alone downstairs, in a house that - for the first time in seven years - had fallen silent. 

Everything is quiet.

Everything is _too_ quiet.

It's so quiet, in fact, that when a car pulls up onto his drive, Chan can actually hear the hum of the engine. He doesn't move, though. There's simply no energy left in his body. He couldn't care less about whoever might be trying to visit, and he couldn't care less about them knowing that exact fact. 

It's only when the doorbell rings that his mind finally begins to work again.

He can't just ignore the outside world. It's not fair on the poor person who's standing there, and it's certainly not fair on the kids. What if it were someone important? What if it were something concerning one of the other children, something incredibly important, and Chan had simply let it slip away? All because he'd been feeling so sorry for himself that he couldn't get up off of the sofa.

Chan gets up of the sofa.

He thinks of the kids, and he knows that he has to keep fighting. It may hurt for a while, but Chan is _not_ someone who gives up. He'll keep fighting, and he'll die for the cause if he has to. 

He gets up, and he opens the door.

"Jihyo?"

Jihyo stares back at him. Her cheeks are pink, matching the red tint of her eyes. It almost looks like she's been crying. And yet, there's nothing less than a huge grin on her face, lighting up every inch of her expression and making her practically glow in the sunlight. "Chan," she says, _"Chan."_

"What are you doing here?"

This isn't right. What's she here for, to take another one of his children away from him. No - that would be stupid, there's no way that she'd look so happy if that were the case. And yet, Chan's exhausted mind can come up with no alternative explanation. His hands shake where he's still holding onto the door. Sure, it doesn't make sense, but nothing seems to be making sense lately.

"Chan," Jihyo says, "They- they were talking. One of the ladies there - I didn't catch her name - she was taking to Felix, and then all of a sudden she came over and started asking questions about _you_ , and-"

"About me?" Chan says, suddenly more worried than ever before. He hopes that his legs don't give out from under him. Why would they be talking about him? Are they planning to rule that he's an unfit parent, take the children away from him and rip the rest of his heart to shreds? "What about me?"

"No, you don't understand," Jihyo continues, "They were asking about stuff like- like your nationality, and of course I had all that information on my phone for Yellow Wood, so I started showing them, and-"

"Jihyo." Chan looks her in the eyes. He feels like he might collapse. The world is spinning, or maybe he's just so worried that he can barely tell what's real and what's not. "What are you talking about? Why were they asking about me?"

She smiles. Chan's heart drops, and then-

"They changed their minds."

They changed their minds.

She seems to step out of the way in slow-motion. Her face has gone pink again- and Chan realises that she's definitely been crying. Not sad tears, though, since his own eyes are now beginning to water. Maybe he stopped breathing for a second, he's not sure. It's hard to tell, now that the world has come spinning back into focus.

Standing on the doorstep, is Felix.

He looks just the same as he did when he left. It makes sense - nothing really has changed - but it still feels like years have gone past. It almost feels unreal that Felix is still clutching Minho's kitten plushie to his chest, that his bright eyes are still sparking with just as much wonder and amazement as before. 

"Oh my god," Chan says. He barely realises that he's fallen to his knees until he's let go of the door. It swings back into the wall, the sound ringing out through the house. The rest of the kids will have heard it. They'll be down soon, and then Chan can only dread the chaos that seeing Felix will cause. 

And yet, he can't dread anything.

His mind has short-circuited, and nothing other than pure happiness and relief is being produced. The kids can destroy the house, for all he cares. Hell, he'd probably join them. 

"Oh my god," is all he ends up saying again, " _Felix._ "

And all of this has happened in the space of a few seconds, because the next thing he knows, he's been knocked over. There's a five-year-old in his arms, a five-year-old with freckles and big eyes, a five-year-old who is currently bawling their eyes out. 

_"I missed you!"_ Felix cries, wrapping his tiny arms around Chan's back and pulling him so hard that it almost hurts. _"I missed- I missed you so much!"_

Chan is crying too. Not even by a small amount, there are full on rivers of tears running down his face, as he pulls Felix closer. He feels like he'll never let go. Already, he can hear the sound of footsteps down the stairs, the shrieks and screams of joy as the other kids work out what's going on.

A weight almost knocks him over from his back, as Minho catapults himself towards Chan and Felix, his own cheeks pink as well. Jisung and Hyunjin are quick to follow, squeezing themselves through the gaps in Chan's arms until he's not quite sure who's limbs are who's anymore. Seungmin joins them, as does Jeongin and Changbin, and then they're all crying and laughing at the same time.

"I love you," says Chan, without even realising it. It's true, so desperately true, and he needs them to know it. He needs them to know it so desperately that he can't help himself from rocking the big bundle of children backwards and forwards, mumbling to them the whole time. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

It comes as a sudden realisation that the empty place in his heart suddenly isn't so empty any more.

It's full to bursting, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so it's finally finished. what a wild ride.
> 
> the series isn't over just yet, however. i've got a prequel planned, as well as another one-shot in this universe that I'd like to write. maybe there'll even be a halloween special, we'll have to see ;)
> 
> thank you to everyone that commented (i don't think i thank you enough for how much it means to me, seriously), and also to everyone that even gave this fic a chance. 
> 
> i love you all <3


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